i don’t care if you’ll never see this. but if you do, here’s what i was thinking about last night.
i love you.
i can’t take it anymore. i’m so head over heels, i’ve fallen harder for you than anyone, i just cannot ******* act like i haven’t anymore. you’re the definition of perfection, the epitome of greatness, the quintessence of beautiful, all of the above, everything, and anything. i get jealous whenever i see other girls, or even guys talking to you. i just want to be with you all the time, or at least talking to you. it’s so hard to express over a simple text post but i’m going to try to. i wish i could just be able to go up to you everyday and kiss you without even thinking about it. you’re amazing. i’ve told you this before but you, first of all, don’t believe me, and second, don’t think it of me, so i can’t tell you to your face. if i could, i would. if i could just have all of you all the time i’d never ask for anything else.
it seems as though “starring role” by marina and the diamonds is a very fitting song. you tell me sweet things (sometimes) when i’m fully clothed but when i get undressed you say them more often. you don’t have anyone right now, and even though that goes against what the song is portraying, i’m still not the “starring role in your heart”.
i swear if you were to stay here things would be different but considering that can’t happen, we’ll most likely never know. my heart breaks just thinking about it, i can’t even bother to, or the salty tears from my eyes will break my keyboard, there’s just so many of them.
i just don’t want to lose anyone else. and if whatever is between us is strong enough to withstand that much of a distance, who knows what could happen.
the funny thing is that once i realized how hard i fell for you, all the past relationships and heartbreaks and current “crushes” or thoughts of flirting, or just even looking at anyone else in a lustful manner just seemed to fade away, and it all happened so suddenly.
if you never see this, oh well. you’ll eventually find all of this out.
and if you do, at least now you know.
if nothing ever came of us, just remember this. you’re my best ******* friend, whether or not i fell for you. if you never feel the same way i completely understand, i probably wouldn’t feel that way about me either. whatever you do in life, i hope it makes you happy. i hope good things come your way, and i hope everything works out for you in the end. you deserve nothing less than perfection, so don’t ever settle for anything.
keep in mind that i’m going to be here every second of everyday, most likely thinking about you and hoping you’ll be doing the same about me. i’m never going to forget you, and i pray almost every night that you’ll never forget me. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you’re the reason that i’m typing this right now, actually, because if it wasn’t for you i’d be in a casket buried six feet under.
always remember that i love you and i always will, whether you’re here or not.
now is a good time to put my knowledge of pierce the veil lyrics to use.
so, in a literal sense…
without you, there is no me.