That candy Gram that you got no longer means I like you
Or I want to be your Valentine.

It is no longer given out of my heart
More out of the kindness of my heart

Cause After you did what you did
My feelings changed

Now that Sucker that you **** on is a sucker of friendship nothing else

I inhale and memories come knocking on the door.

They beacon,they call
They chant and knock hard

That door must remain closed
They must not be let in.
Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin.

They still knock,they still holler
They bang and shake

But the door will remain closed

My weekend was horrible
leaving me emotionally numb
But on the bus I heard you bickering with another guy
"I am going to do it today."
"You should do it now."
Back and forth Y'all did

Then when we were inside
You asked for me to go outside
"I like two people, One is this girl, do you know the other one."
I knew right then
My mood changed
my cheeks warmed
"I do but I rather hear it from you." I said
I was in heaven
You took sometime and then you said
"Well it's you, I like you too."
Even though I knew
My day changed in two seconds flat

Even though you like her also
And I don't like being a a second choice
I will take this and make the most of it
because I have been waiting
For this moment
To make me feel happy in two seconds flat

You couldn't help yourself could you?
You had to listen to that snake that was basically telling you sweet nothings.
Didn't you at least once questioned why a snake was talking to you in the first place?
I am pretty sure that it was the only creature that could talk so why weren't you like
OHHHH HELLL NO

You ate the fruit cause it's suppose to give you wisdom
Yeah it gave you wisdom only because you made a mistake

Then you had to share the wealth with Adam
it's bad enough you went out and believed a snake, maybe you were high or something,
But you had to get poor little Adam in trouble too.

Now he made a mistake and got wiser
now Because of y'all two we all grow old and die
Women have to have pain when giving birth
Men have to break their backs picking up weeds and junk

This is all true
It's according to the bible
but what gets me
is that Snake talked
and you didn't even blink an eye.

Feeling lost, in this self made ocean
I can't keep control of my emotions
They just leak out through my holey pores
And I am even leaking from my core.
I don't know how to stop them anymore.

My soul
is it just a collage of many experiences bound within a host
And death of the host releases this collage until it is reborn?

In the meadows where trees are seldom,
purple flowers congregate.
Their petals flutter as they mutter
hidden by the breeze.
In the meadow where trees are seldom,
purple flowers congregate
Their stems contort as they abort
dew from their leaves.
In the meadows are purple flowers.
Are those flowers free?

Sitting right beside you, I just felt an awareness.
Every touch.
Every vibration.
Every breath.
I was aware of everything.
and Iiked it.

I liked it.
Every touch sent chills through out my body.
chilling my spine.
My mind.
My heart.

Every vibration vibrated my soul.
Vibrated my soul.
vibrated my very core.

Every breath cooled and warmed my neck.
Sent me to the wind.
Sent me to the sun..
And i liked it.

This might sound cliche or cheesy
or just plain wrong but i dont care.
I liked it.

My need is to let my pen drip and let the puddles form letters. These letters find who they feel comfortable with like my hand searches for a pen or pencil because it feels comfortable with one. My right hand feels naked, feels as if a part of it has been cut away, if there is not a writing tool in its grasp or near its fingertips. I am sure the letters feel naked as well without the other letters to form words. The words move left, some push to get their spot on the right, until all are in their proper place and a story appears. But the problem is never what to tell though there is much to say. No the problem is how to share a story. Should I compose a book with a character’s flaws and misgivings and then he or she rises to the top? Or should I be very blunt, pluck one word from the endless word vine and let the letters run sideways? Or maybe just tell a story in the format of 5-7-5? Or just let my hand move to and fro until words no longer clog my head and cloud the insides of my eyes, until I empty for the day? However I tell my story, or the story of others, my pen, or whatever tool I use, will never dry. It will drip endlessly

Take this knife
This dagger of Love
and sheer the veins from my heart.
Drain the blood into the ocean
to be lost in the tears.
Take my heart and place it in a box
And bury it
in the memory of you.

Curious eyes observe your gazes
Longing to be captivated with her beauty.
Expressions of love are handed out with killer smiles attempting to lure in her beauty.
I declare
" I do not care"
But these are empty words
Curious eyes are stung with tears
My beauty ignored.

Your hugs bring about a smile from underneath the shards
Only to be torn into bits of bitterness
For my beauty is of no importance.

The sun is too distant to hold much merit
but close for the feels to increase in intensity.
The Moon is a reminder: closeness does not mean closeness obtained.

But I will savor those moments when we do come close
Even if I can't have your love

And then the spark trickles, tickles, travels  down our veins
and into our hearts.
It ignites words into fiery arrows
puncturing the sagging silence
into something we call art.

It's the sad truth of oppression
We face in our daily lives.
In amplified aggression
when we let our words fly.

Fiery Poets
are here to burn a holes in the world's illusion of reality.

Fiery Poets
Let your words engulf the world in flames.

The point of making one
is not to make the same mistake
even if you want to.

No more
O
t
h
I
n
gone forever
     E
    V
e
R     again

I am tired of all this ******* flying through the fan
I closed the closet door so I can be a “man”
Alone in the darkness
I start to get a thought
I shouldn’t be locked up here
Cause my people, they fought

I’m tearing the hinges, cracking the walls
Loving who I want shouldn’t be against the law
You spit out words, you make violent actions
But loving a man gives me satisfaction
So we will pour are love to put out your matches

You tell me that I should stop thinking stupid things
But these are not thoughts, they are my feelings
They can’t change, and though this might sound cliché
I was born this way, I am sorry your son was born gay
But stop hating, stop degrading, stop trying to change me
Cause I am a human, a human being
Cause I am not a puppet and you the master pulling the strings
I am not a robot who can’t feel a thing
Your words hurt though I might not show
They always hit me high, the middle, and low
And you know,
I just might end up leaving

You can take me as I come
And we can try to fix what got broken
But none of it will ever be forgotten
And no forgiveness cause you weren’t jokin’

Or you can leave me
Like I am trash that needs to be taken out
You can cut me from the pictures
You can scrub me from your memories
Anything to make me gone
Frankly I don’t care
Because either way
No matter what you do
I will be me
I will be free
The choice is up to you

Talk to you later I will say
Not Goodbye nor Farewell
Because in doing so I will be admitting that you are leaving

I will not hug you, with wet eyes and a mind wishing you'll stay
I will fight the urge of running towards you as you walk away
because I will lie to myself and tell
That I will TTYL

I will shake your hand with a firm grasp and pat you on the back
I will let your hand slip away and my voice will not crack
When I speak those words with a heavy heart,
Knowing I might not ever see you again,
TTYL

Paint Me a Picture

Paint me a picture
With fiery red clashing with sentimental blue
With groovy orange dancing with golden yellow
With hidden messages etched in the pigment

Paint me a picture
Where lamentation of the ****** is naught
Where trumpets announce the coming of conviviality
Where the background is illuminated with fierce fireworks

Paint me a picture

Wishes  are for children
Dreaming also
Reality is too strong to ignore because it hits you everyday
Reminding you that it's always going to be there
And there isn't time to wish and dream.

With the ping that message gives
I look at the tab and see the name
The name I have loved for the longest time
But I know it is someone else
and that gives me a smile

I am done with the other name
That name will not be meaning for the other
But for the one I am talkng to now

so I open the facebook message
happy that I have forgotten
The other one should have known

Now this one we will see where it goes
But hopefully I dont go back to the other
and wish that its his name that I see
We will have to wait and see

It has been said that my mother came from floor cleaners and fruit picking.
It has been said that my father came from chicken coops and lawn mowers.
Would it be said I came from ink stains and sidewalks?

These tears that were shed last night
Were  not for the one way love
But for the denial to know
To know who he was

Not his name cause I already know it
But who he was as a person

These tears that were shed last night
Were not cause I had enough
But because I am not accepted

From the way you speak
From the way you look at me
From the way you make me feel

I spent all night last night fighting thoughts of death
Ignoring the way they made death sound sweet
I fought the urge to take my last breath
Fought the urge to accept defeat

I need to stop letting you through the walls
And get up the i fall
Just because you are my mother
Doesn't mean i want find another
I am tired of all the things you make me feelall you do is peel
Me slowly you need to stop please
I am tried of all these tears i shed because of you

WHAT
A
SAID
      

WHAT
A
SHARED

WHAT
     A
      P
      P
       E
        N
         E
          D


......To you

Forgiveness comes easily
Something you breathe everyday
Something that needs to be there just in case you need it.

You get angry when something is done
but then you let the anger disappear like your half awake dreams
And the forgiveness comes to the rescue.
Love is a complicated thing

My mind is like abstract art tinted in many colors of red,
like my heart blew apart, splintering, puncturing now I am dead,
like horrid lamentation smeared with tears of the barely alive,
like a hungry nation spoon fed to think they can no longer strive,
like a child who attempts jumping the hurdles but ends up hurt,
like a man who repents only to realize he never got burnt.

I had a dream.
In this dream ,that my mind conjured up for my enjoyment while my body rested, you were there.
I was there and some random lady who was a TV personality was also there.
We were all talking and having fun.
You smiled as she made a joke and my eyes lingered at your lips.
I wanted to kiss you but knowing how you didn't know yourself I contained myself to the spot I was standing in. and Plus I didn't want to do it in front of her cause she gave me the creeps.

You reached into your pockets and there was 30 dollars. You thought you placed them back in but I saw them falling. Twirling like Maple leaves onto the damp floor.
I picked it up and and called your name but you already went.
I spent my time throughout the whole dream trying to find you.
Jogging down stairs I didn't even know Ours school had.
Asking people if they have seen you
I searched and searched but to no avail.

I was left with nothing more than 30 dollars and a sadness that began to sweep it's self over me.
Then the cops came and I was running from them for no reason
then I woke up.

"love is a battlefield" they say
But they fail to mention that it is a blood bath of a war
They are careless to tell that in this war
Not only is your heart broken but you mind and your spirit also

They don't tell you about the hole that is left
The scar that has to be worn as a reminder of a battle lost
Or when two fight for the same prize
One is happy and wears the crown with triumph and pride
While the other is left to clean up the mess
The broken remnants of their heart
No all they say is "love is a battlefield"

You have to find out by yourself
That love is a war fought with handgrenades and missles
Fought with poisnious gases and deadly two-face spies
Love is a war fought fire with fire

They don't say that one might never be happy again
They don't say that one might feel as if life is over
No, all they say is "life is a battlefield."
The rest you must learn on your own.

Death seems like the only option
Death seems comforting,
Not something to fear but something to welcome
But I can not die

I can not die because I am not worthy of death
I am not worthy to be hugged with darkness and silence
Death doesn't want me nor does life
I am not worthy to breathe
To eat the fruit bared by earth
I am not worthy to live Nor I am worthy to die

Yes, I am mad that you are dating her
and
No, I won't be fine.

Yes, I want to cry some tears
but
No, I won't let them fall.

Yes, I want to punch you
but
No, I won't can't mess with that cute face.

Yes, I am jealous
but
no, I won't try and mess with y'alls relationship


Yes, I want to kiss your cheek again
but
No, I can't, won't again.

yes, This hurts unlike the other times
but
No, I can't let you see it.

Yes, I will admire you
and
No, I won't look away

yes,
No,
Yes,
No

Last night I dreamnt  
I was a middle aged man running from the law.
The buttoned up shirt once white
Gasped and sighed with the wallowing of the wind.
It's tattered tongues trembled, trickling blood from a gaping hole in my chest.
And I caught my breath

Caught the specks of dust along the corners of my lips
Caught the murmuring of animals, the vagabonds of night
but not th-

My coin
with it's many faces
flips in the air.
It switches sides
          too many times
And I cannot bare
It in the air
When will it land
On heads or on tails?

I wear  my insensitivity along with my silence well.
Under those materials No one can tell
That I am messed up inside.
Or can they?

My tears fell hitting the veins connecting my blood to my heart
My sobs echoed throughout my body rattling my rib cage
But all does not matter no one can read the face of stone I show.
And that is how it should be.

Etching the pencil deeper, tearing the skin.
Engraving the pain onto some visible canvas
The paper screams what I want to scream
Cussing and yelling words I dont say often
The blood doesnt trickle run, or smudge.
It stays stationary blood.
I carve the words, bleed the paper
and will continue to do so
so i wont cut myself

Can you hear the noise when a heart breaks?
Could you hear mine?
I did.

I felt the hums and I heard the creaks
Then the groans echoed throughout my body.
It cracked once, It cracked twice, then it shattered.
It felt like shards of glass against the arteries,
Against the inner walls.

Could you hear my somber tune?
Can you hear the song a heart creates when it is broken?
I did.

LOVE
I
F
THE
SOUL

The rain greets me,
Touching my face
Gently,
Caressing my face
Sweetly.

The rain talks to me.
Echoing in my ears
softly,
whispering in my ears
lovingly.

The rain leaves me
Distancing itself from me
Quickly
moving away from me swiftly.

Dear God,

When you were making love to the idea of
Creating man, did the ******  break?
Thus letting little Steves run amok
inside the ****** of the world

Do you acknowledge their existence but since you already made it clear "effeminates" won't inherit the kingdom you refuse to pay child support?

Or

Do you await the day when
the world will shut the hell up with her constant
attacks, shaming Steves into thoughts of "must change to please my father" so you can hold them one good time and tell 'em " I don't give a rat's *** what your mama says"
Your My flesh and blood
I love you

Sincerely
A Steve

If it were only me I would stand in the line of fire
feel my body turned gymnast contort as the bullets riddle
kiss the ground with prideful lips, rise, and implore for more.

but life is a cruel dictator and commends my brethren to torture along side of me.

I stare into the water and see my reflection
But where does he see all the perfection.
What does he see?
What does his eyes marvel at when mine close at everything?

He stares into the water not knowing that he is perfect
Wonders if he is worth it
Telling me to find someone who is worth it
But he was and still is worth it

The other stares not knowing that he is at sight to behold.
He sees the imperfections like a critic would see a piece of art
Ignoring the paint that was placed with such a delicate hand
and focusing on the wrong crooked incorrect lines.

Who else needs to take a walk on the decK

The world is a painting.
We are merely blots of ink.

Her hand travels to my own with confidence and that confidence is boosted
When her hand fits like a glove
She looks at me sweetly and bats those green eyes and I smile back
But its a false smile

How long can this Charade last?
How long before I crack?
I don't know the answer so I keep playing

My heart beats for her, but not only for her
It beats for another who I cannot have
it bleeds for her but not only for her
The blood that trickles is for another

Broken In two instead of remianing intact
How can this be? How can this be?
How Can I be Inbetween?

But then there wasn't anything left to say.
All that could be said was said
while the words that were said before hand drifted away.

Yeah...my heart is broken.....but .......it will be reassembled....and beat faster.....every.....time...I see him..........and break again.....and again....and again.....

Yeah...my heart is calling....but...it will lose it's voice......and stay silent.....regain vocal sounds......every time.....he speaks to me......and be lost....again, and again........and ....again.

Yeah.... I love him....that *******....my *******....my *******.....

yeah.... I cry...for him....cause of him....
yeah.... he is on my mind......every day......every night

yeah.... I love him........................................... I ......love.....him.

Yeah.......

And then the silence crept in
looking around to make sure it wouldn't be disturbed
But it wouldn't for awkwardness sat in the room with us
enjoying our nervous stares and movement.

Please forgive me for intruding your personal space
and sliding this note into your purse when you looked away for a slight moment.

It's just I found something appealing in your eyes
Something profound
A deeper meaning within the color of your eyes
Simply I found
Them to be a tool in depriving me of oxygen.

Again forgive me.

-The Guy who met you yesterday

And then I lost myself in your meadows
  A foolish thing to do.
I took in the scent of flowers petals
   A foolish thing to do.
I warmed at your Sun's "hello"
  A foolish thing to do.
Why I fell for this fellow?
   He had a pleasant view.

I can't breathe.
Words flood my lungs.
I can't brea-
(dead)

Tear here, and tear there
Rip here, rip there
Keep going until you can't
Then throw those lies down the drain

Cry here, and cry there
Sniffle here and sniffle there
Just wipe the tears till you dry
He can't cause no more pain

Smile here, and smile there
Laugh here and laugh there
Keep on going don't look back
You are done with that game

You are done with the lies
and watch them as the go down the drain

Guarded I am now for there is an empty presence surrounding me
      It whispers in my ear. Grabs the memories and scatters them all around.
Hours it wasn't before this presence manifested before me.
       It walks towards me with a smile, with open arms, with a nudge
Only to dissipate, leaving a sadness to cover me as it's residue
        Leaving me to head to the restroom
           To get in a stall
                   To close my eyes and cry
Sometimes when the ones we love leave,  a part of them stays to remind us
           To torture us
                To love us
To make their memory survive but do they know how much it hurts to know that
        the  Presence will always remain but never the real person?