This feeling...
Heavy...
Like a wreath bearing down my neck.
Every fibre in me seem to be at loggerheads.

My heart...
Pounding.
Each beat is a hammer
sledging away at my saneness.

My breaths...
Premature and short.
Inconsistent.
I respire full but with punctured lungs.

The parking lot
Is empty
The ballroom is a mess
There’s an untouched
Cake next to
An unworn dress
Today should have
Dawned a perfect new start
Now the champagne is nursing
A broken heart

.

I feel like I’m running on ice,
a slippery surface confines me
in frozen dreams facing a desolate future
My legs move constantly, my muscles endlessly,
my thoughts mindlessly and still I get nowhere
I’m stuck right here where you left me
Wearing out fast, holding on to anything
to keep myself upright, to keep from falling,
to keep from crashing through

I’m trying, I swear I’m trying,
I just can’t seem to break it, to break free
I have good moments, a few I’ll admit
but they don’t last long, not long at all
I always slip right back into this place,
this empty, cold, lonely place
that to be honest,
I can’t bear the thought of leaving
because if I leave, I know it will be the end

I don’t want it to end

.

*Even though I do my best,
you are always right here
by my side gently caressing
my thoughts with wonder,
bringing desires to my mind
in poetic whispers cast upon
the continuous ripples rapidly forming
with every breath I take

Mornings still bring the sunrise
in multicolored shades of how I feel,
reaching for that lost love,
silently floating like indigo dreams
just beyond my grasp
I still want, with every ounce,
every movement, every hope

I am still being told
I long for what I can not have,
that elusive bloom at the peak of the arbor,
honeysuckle beauty washing down upon me,
fragrant reminders of a time before
when your petals gathered at my heart
in a bouquet of nectar scented affection

And try as I like it is of no use,
my mind holds you, desperately dreaming
in echoed wishes and twilight longings
which never seem to end, for I know,
as long as there are sunrises,
honeysuckle breezes and poetry -
there will be you