I've told no one this but I always did
love your madness. it was honest and intense. but i didn't come any closer because
it was like wildfire, and I'm more used
to the cold.
you were still in my head
then, and I kept myself out of your grip.
just out of your warmth. it was bad
enough to see other men burn but I never
did even once think I was above it all.
hell, i tried to smother your inferno. now I'm the one on fire.

i tried to shoot for the moon
But gravity reared its head
my dreams just couldn't escape orbit
now my dreams are dead

"Write about me," she said.

No. How could I?
I felt nothing.
I was nothing.
Putty in her hands,
just another boy in her bed.
Another notch on her bedpost
Another night she wanted head.

With all honesty, I was only
here because I wanted the same:
to dive in quick and after,
still feel sane.

"Stop writing about me," you said.

No.

I dream about you still
even in my waking hours you come, unsolicited, like bugs in the walls of an unkempt house
and I would let you in,
and warm you up by the firelight
but you insist on staying away
and I am left with soft echoes of you
haunting the recesses of my brain
I wish you would come back
completely, or leave forever
because I cannot live with halfdead memories
Only to wake up and feel empty again

I vaguely remember us on the edge of a canal
Fists clenched, holding the night sky
Standing, screaming that we were alive
Back then it wouldn't have been a lie

And on barstools as well, faint guitar riffs
Echoing through smoky pub air
Heads lain flat on damp tables
Wish we'd known then the difference between having purpose and simply breathing

Also our beds, with the lights dimmed
Asking questions neither could answer
Just two ignorant kids waxing philosophy
Just two ignorant kids already forgetting how to live

I couldn't look into the mirror today
I was afraid to meet the bloodshot eyes of someone I barely knew
I'd seen that look on a dozen faces before his, and I couldn't deal with disappointment right now.

what a riot.

I've read this before, in countless YA novels that ate away at my brain; the soda of the written word
"I don't recognise myself," he says to himself, fingers dancing over his reflection.
"I have to figure out who I am."

what a riot.

I took another hit, and another and another
I couldn't afford it, but needs must-
And I needed to forget.
I couldn't look into the mirror today.
I'd recognise him too well.

what a riot.

Trace my back
Wake me up when the nightmare
comes to visit.
Kiss me to sleep,
hum and let me hear you’re there.
Hold me for a while
until I feel safe and calm again.
I am scared and only your lips could appease me.

you are so beautiful
but not in the ways you would expect

i saw the sadness in your eyes
how they seemed to escape the prison you held them in
even for the most fleeting of moments
they shone in your eyes for a second
and they were gone the next
locked away where no one would ever see it
yet despite this,
you are humble and always kind
and for that, you are beautiful

i saw the weariness in your bones
aching muscles and tired limbs still forced to do the day’s work
as they tremble in exhaustion
and protest their misuse
yet despite this,
you are steadfast and you are strong
and for that, you are beautiful

i saw your hurt and your pain
moments where your breath is taken away
as you sit numb and in shock
the times you would falter in step
your head bowed deep, willing your tears not to fall
yet despite this,
you do not lash out, you are not angry
and for that, you are beautiful

you love despite not receiving that love in return
you are kind even when the world is anything but
you are beautiful because you are fighting
despite the gods’ insistence to keep you down

i hope you realize this before it is too late
your soul as pure as light radiates from within
and it makes you glow and beam and always look lovely
and my dear one—
if you could see yourself the way i see you
the way you always see others,

then will you realize you are worth it,
that you are beautiful,
and that you are so infinitely loved

She felt like fire,
leaving scorch marks across
the inside of my chest

It burned everything I was
and I was left like residue
from a catalyst used wrong

I felt like ice
running from her flames
melting under her smoldering skin
I felt fluid and chill
but I was burning up too fast and


I feel like air.
Quiet.