There are so many times I want to tell you I'm sorry for taking so long to find you.

There are so many different reasons why I meandered down all the wrong routes in a long maze that somehow led to you.

There are so many different ways I've written about you, so many different ways I've yet to make you pen to paper, ink upon lines.

There are so many different things running trough my mind when you slowly lean in to kiss me-

Like if I had known how you kiss, maybe I'd have found you sooner,

Or if I had known you were so understanding, I wouldn't have put that to the test,

Or even if I'd known someday I wouldn't have every day to be with you,

Maybe I would have found you sooner.

But I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere until I have to.

I know this will end. We have an expiration date, a "Best Used By" stamp, a date set for when we have to say good by but that's okay.

Because I'm here now.

And I know my youth is a factor, the idea that we can't get too attached because of age and circumstance but I like you, and for so many different reasons.

There are so many different reasons why I'm happy to look at you and know you're mine,

Even if it's just for now.

I heard somewhere that beautiful things never last,

And that's why fireflies flash-

It must be the sparkle in your eyes when you laugh,

Or the way your smile lights up your face.

Those things don't last forever either,

But I might remember them for that long because there were so many times I didn't get to tell you these things.

There were so many times I wanted to cup your face in my hands and kiss you.

So I am sorry it took me so long to be here, to be within your grasp-

But I'm here now.

We are just a flash in the grand scheme of things,

But I think we're one hell of a flash regardless-

Like fireworks illuminating the night sky,

Like the North star shining more than any other, guiding people home.

If I would have known you would be a light in my life,

Maybe I would have found you sooner.

there's nothing to ease the pain
it cuts like a dull blade;
slow, steady, deep & eternal
i thought you could stop
the bleeding but the look
in your eyes didn't stitch
me up quite right
honestly im just so
******* sick of falling
asleep to the absence of
your limbs & waking up
to the sensation of my own
aching

I've missed bruising my skin and bones from hitting them off of dance floors,
I've missed feeling a connection between my soul
and my body
and my mind.

Let me slam into the ground so I can finally let
all of my frustrations out
through more than crunches and squats and push ups,
let my body tire out so I can finally let
the world spin around
and around and around and around

and I will be turning with it.

Separate at first,
They came together.

Moving slowly
In black and white
Cool as ice...

But then they began to run
And now
They bleed into one another.

Yet, despite all that has happened
(And the absence of pink),
White still resists the smears
Against orange.

Until
All becomes clear
With the final revelation

Of true colours.

i regret keeping my eyes closed
every time you kissed me
and i regret falling asleep first
in your bedroom
i regret looking out the window
while you were driving
and i regret skipping songs
on your mixed tape
i regret the time i spent
tracing any line that
wasn't on your body
i regret every time
i laid my head on a pillow
when your chest was available
*but most of all
i regret the time it took
for me to learn that
even the things that
make you feel infinite
can't possibly last forever

Too many front row seats at funerals
Too many tears shed over bodies
Too many cold hands help in hopes to feel warmth
Too many goodbyes that can't be helped.

It's a sad day when there are too many
When siblings realize
And kin begin to visualize
A day without their mother
A day without their brother
Too many, I say
Too many.

Too many sorrow and not enough joys
It seems, these days are numbered
Numbered and riddled with sadness
With the occasional laugh and smile
It seems, at least these days...
There are too many.