I purge you everyday to free you from my mind

I am ready to explode

Frantic manic and cold

My how I  have grown old

I wake up with nobody next to me

I try to sleep yet I wake

Somehow can I escape

From this awful dream that is my LIFE

I glimpse in the mirror
Not sure who I see
Blue gray eyes that are looking back  at me
So I ask who are you?
Do you know me?
This much is true a voice responds
Your nothing without me
I begin to frown
Confusion surrounds me
Where do I belong?
The emptiness that’s trying to fill this hole
It is bottomless and can’t be reached
I take my hands reach out and feel rather weak
Trace the scars that I see in that reflection
I try but can make no connection
What are you doing as I trace this flawless face?
All we can see is immorality and disgrace
I strain to see what others do
It all makes no sense
What is the use?

I lay on this bed of needles

Inject you into my veins

I want to feel you crave me

Want to feel the pain

You will have withdrawals

When I'm gone

It's so lonely when you can't have

All that you need

Suffer alone without all the speed

Let the sorrow coat my carcass
I once existed and now I’m gone
To enrich death place it upon me
I will leave this earth and be bound
My skin will become rigid to the touch
My soul will settle and slowly drift away
My lungs will desiccate my ribs will cave
Will I grow wings ?
As you Grasp on to my fingers as I try and leave
Slipping into the void that I know all to well
The anguish can I let it go?
What is upon me should I know?
Will I be able to hear sound?
Can I make a noise?
Will I witness evil where does it reside?
A new foundation just for me
Thinking of the mountains thinking of the sea
I’ll relish in being free

Lonely clouds descending with winter teeth
As sorrows are born into my voice  
Tiny birds are blindly stripped of wings
Hands with cracks, crushing the depths of rewired love
Blue sugar reflects the breath
Inhaling seeded secrets, of the splintering death
Painted with exhaustion, gasping with the pressure of expectations
Flesh stamped with grief ,misplaced with a hollow seam
Walls of bruises blistering the demons in my dreams

You torture me I crave you
Rage dislodges inside of me  
All because of you
You told me nobody would love me
You told me that  once before
When you blacked my eyes and throw me to the floor
My sky blue eyes look striking when you blacked them so
When you bruise my being and tried to ransom my soul
Shameful  have you no remorse
My full sensual lips  are torn
The blood is  beautiful  as we kiss
I can’t give you anymore
What my eyes cant see is my demise
I want to bury the memory of you
Seize my own essence
Untie the knots of this ****** up love affair
Landing with a crash as I pick up the pieces of my  oblivion
Everything has a cost in the end
When did we get here?
Did I  wear you down to the center of it all
I wanted  to love you
Now I need a place for bleeding
With nothing to hide
The flowers are wilting
Yet they will not die

I wash the trace of you out of me
It’s the same
I try and play it cool when you play this game
Standing in the rain I feel the pain
I’m slowly falling apart
I can taste you on my lips the sweetness of your curves
I look around my mind calls
I did not expect to feel this way
I hate its beyond my control
Closing my eyes I see you
I miss you when your not here
You’re the sun and I’m the rise
I want to be your surprise
I would bottle you up and drink you down
You taste better than a fine wine
Why can’t I see clearly
You fog my head
Tantalize my body
Make me weak and make me cry
I need you please
Perhaps for the night
We can lay upon the ground
Not take anymore more time
To let you know
That I’m lost yet I know I need you
I can’t shake you I bleed
Why do you swim in my head ?
One day I was fine then you came along
One taste of you and I was gone
Lips affecting my heart
I want to deplete all the color so  I can’t see
Go further from myself
Keep from yearning you all of the time  
You pull me closer to life
Then I have ever felt
I find myself looking in the dead of the night
If you don’t want me let me be free
It's your choice not mine

I want to tuck you in my pocket
Carry you all day
Taste your love
Never give a sample away
Give you happiness always
Make it bigger than the moon
Give you what you deserve
Never sleep until noon
Arise when the sun peeks into our room
You’ll awake hair tangled in your face  
Eyes that are sleepy
Looking so hungry I will feast
You’ll  become restless
Say  that your  a mess
Your breast will peek at me from near my chest
I like you and want you near
You smile like a child
But avail your body like a woman
Your delicate yet severe
I trace the contours of your tattoo that spells a name
I know that you have been here before
But this will not be the same

Tangled strings on the glacier of earth
                            
                                          The faith I had echoes in my mind
                                                            As I unwind

Your light whispers surround my heart
Words like music laughter so kind
I hold you my beautiful woman
You enrapture me
My soul smiles because of you
You refresh me like wild flowers after a rain
Holding me so tender just the same
I swim in your hair like the great sea of love
Life is fragile and so blinding
You were taken from me in a matter of time
Life became invaded like death by war
A shadow that crept and took you so far away
Burning black into my being
My senses don't even seem quite the same
Sometimes I can smell your sweetness in the air
Trying to convince myself that prehaps you are there
I ask myself why didn't she take me away with her?
Terrorized by the blackness that surrounds me
I do not sleep at night
A terrible monster was thrown inside of me so violently
It is invading my heart so silently

In the church grounds my dress lifted up
Eggshell skin, knees unsound
Where lovers are stitched together
I wanted something to fill my mind?
You filled me with unmoral thoughts
The ocean of our language was delicate nectar
I held hands with the clouds , as you held the power
On patches of dirt where birds had laid I undress
Fragile as a robins egg, opening my mouth to be fed
If I sprouted feathers would I fly away?
Trembling hands but I was always reassured
At times the yellow sheet under the apple tree felt like love
You tell me I'm helpful and dependable
I think of sunshine and fireflies
Put me in a jar keep me safe free from scars
I feel voiceless this Sunday afternoon
I have always been taught to respect and listen to my elders
You tell such beautiful lies
The spine  of the bible is wounded with lovers lace
Blue-veined fingers became familiar with my breast
A gold band rests upon my pelvic bone sunken like a peaked *****
I collect the mucus and blood the eye of the needle is to small
Some things can never be sewn back up

The wind often combs my hair
I forget everything
When I find it I lose it again
I laugh loud
Burp like a man
Walk like a baby giraffe when I'm drunk in my heels
Jump in mud puddles
Catch the bigger fish
Leave the cap off the toothpaste
But you believe I hold the stars
This will always be a mystery to me

Art is what pieces of me
Pieces of junk
My soul scattered laying on the floor  
Can’t see what’s real
You can’t make sense of what I have to say
I need to try and speak
Turn me inside out
Explore all that I need

Broken beautiful exquisite love

Shall spill into a replusive attention

Until great destructive exterior fades

Awakes you

These moments

Delight yet torment

Sweet open wounds

Unable to heal

Revolting the things you done

Lost secrets gone from here

I seldom smile

I feel so disrupted from who I am

And what I have become

You cant repair damage that is done

Run and be free

Drink up what use to be my love

Do not give it back to me

You lay there like an angel

Something so exquisite

I can't let you go

I touch your still frame

Why did you do this ?

I  caress you just to see if you stir

You have been my everything for so long

Your hair is flowing

Angel wings protruding like the  ribs on your back

Starved  for attention

I wrap my arms gently around your soul

Whisper into your ear "Why baby did you let go?"

There are traces of white dust on your perfect little nose

The void in your eyes will never leave my mind

I always thought you were perfect

Now just so still like an angel ghost

My baby darling I'm  left behind

As you lay perfectly still

I say some prayers hoping someone,  somewhere can hear

I lift my arms so gently into the air

Smell the linger of your perfume coming  from your hair

Look into your delicate face one more time

From that moment you leave

I have never been able to replace you

I'm  not flawless nor do I claim to be
I'm proud of the fact that I am a woman in deed
My body isn't small in fact I'm  wide
I have large hips and a full chest
I'm not one of these girls that walk around and pretend to be unreal
Nor do I want to be perfect because skinny girls feel pain too
It don't make you any prettier than me
When a man holds me he can feel complete
I will represent all that is true
That loving someone regardless of there size is the TRUTH

A verse, full of passion
I disgorge on to this paper these words of truth
Foraging the depths of myself
As the verses twisted and tumbled in my core
Consuming vowels and consonants leaving nothing behind
I would purge the language of love
If poetry was edible could I draw meaning from its paper and ink?

I am a woman

Proud of me

Afraid to take chances because of what could be

I am only 32 a mother of three

Been hurt so much its like a ******* disease

My heart is good I mean well

I love too quickly and learn slow

My soul is uneasy

My hair is a mess

My eyes are blue I like them the best

I try to be honest and have lots of faith

Sometimes its hard and it causes me to ache

I am who I am and nothing more

Either you like me for me

Or you can go out the door

I can be to loud at times and push you to the extreme

I can be wild and I can be meek

I am a women of all sorts

This is what defines me

I will not be ashamed

I shall overcome the fears I have

Facing them all along the way

The bathtub was almost my casket
You're holding my head
I just want to leave

I like early in the morning everything is fresh and new

I enjoy the smell of your perfume and waking up next to you

I love the sound of your laughter it takes away all my blues

I have so many memories that all consist of you

You and me make two

Then you went away from me and left me all alone I can't seem to find you

We had a love like no other

I loved you better than any other

You would delicately dance so graceful and pure

Your soul is that still near?

I know you had to go away sometimes I may forget your name

May I call you dear? I wonder when I grew old and my hair turned this color?

I look out this window that I now call home

Its not the same without you

Do you dance about so delicately like you use to?

Have you remembered my name and my tender ways with you

My body is so feeble and my mind is too

I am sorry if I forget I don't mean to my mind isn't what it use to be

Either is my body? I sit in this chair I cant hardly move my legs

If you come home right now I couldn't dance anyway

I look at myself and wonder where the years went

Being so young and growing so old

I don't think I look good in old man clothes

I hope you hear me at night when I pray sometimes I cry and want to go away.

I will see you once again up in the sky I can remember the day you died

My heart was broken I no longer cared I miss you like crazy and the wonderful smell of your hair.

I am going to come and see you just wait for me I will unite with you

Have no despair in the mean time I will wait for you

Hoping and longing to have you near

I love you and miss you dear