I wear these new scars
Because of you
With your pin ***** kiss
Making my lips burn
Your bare bones weaken me so
Perhaps we could wipe the dust off

I would be gentle and new
We hide in the darkness of how we lived
I want to heal the brokenness  in my heart
Into my veins as the blood explodes
As your hand collides with my face again
I trying to strive and  find myself some faith
Broken and wounded
But the seductive whirl I can't seem to purge
My heart is dying I feel shamed
The ghosts that live in my stomach
Try to consume my mind
Dazed eyes that can't cry
Through fields of regret
Wisps of me fly away
Not much left to say
The whimpers disappear from my lips
A quiet poison that captures me
Farewell to those whom I admired
Farewell blackened eyes
Farewell to a broken life
I'll have you know
I'm finally free

Velvet lovers swim into a purple nest
Meeting at a hysteria they cant resist
A thousand  molecules crowding at their  skin
Famished of nutrition
But sustained by birth

Your serene lips could liquefy petals of a rose
With twigs on your spine
Consuming my dreams as you lure me
Stretching as the stars shine
Tangled in the ocean breeze
Beyond beautiful you steal my soul
Our hands unify in the shade of the unknown
Tonight we step beneath the flesh
As the path of dust disappears

I want to drink from your collar bone
Every crevice I  will endear
Following the maze of your fantasy
Impeccable skin inviting me in

The anticipation intoxicates my desires
As I travel your outline I stiffen for you
Eager to gratify the valley of your liquid pearls
You whimper as I dissolve your engorged delicacy
As you spasm and tremble you ignite the evening air
A Magnetic exuberance of fervor swept over me

Our swollen, lustful lips surrender again
As your majestic heart  nurtures our love
I famine to have your tongue renew me
Your quivering hands beginning to stimulate me
You brush against my hardness lightly
I stir inside my stomach
Restless and blazing I await  
Teasing the tip my luster rises
As your manhood swims inside my mouth
You swell my peaks, passionate yet tender
You linger feeling my need
Slipping into your enticing throat
My fingers clutching your hips
Connecting with my core as I absorb you
I quiver and cry out loud

With handfuls of starlight and luster
We create a haven just for us
You enter me so carefully
As we wither and blend
Our flesh is stamped together
A serene ambiance is swaying with us
As you whisper and writhe beneath me

I put on my Sunday best
Wait by the door have my bible rest  at my side
With my skinned up knees and little party dress
Today is my birthday I feel extra nice
My mother polished my shoes and bought me fancy ruffled socks
I await with anticipation to head to my church
A place to feel protected this I’m sure
It is such a warm day I feel the sun kiss my youthful skin
Can’t believe I’m twelve today
Thoughts race through my head
I wonder if they will remember and do something special?
Will I get a new bible for mine is tattered and the cover is torn
I wonder? It does serve the purpose so maybe not
I watch the cars go on by  one by one
Feeling a bit antsy maybe they forgot to get me today
But within a few minutes I’m on my way
With a happy birthday from some fellow church members
I feel so proud twelve years old time flies by  
We head into the house of God
I could hear the bell charming oh so loud
My favorite sound on Sunday morning
My stomach starts to growl it distracts me
Punch and cookies await for me
Church hymns begin to waken my ears
I fiddle with the lace  on my new pretty dress
Clicking my heals and accidentally hit the wooden bench
I’m in the house of god
Mommy always taught me to not entertain myself with other thoughts
So I focus on that white and black collar
He is so large standing like a king
One bead at a time let my fingers dance across
I think of sunflowers and rainbow colors
We stand up and sit down and repeat this again
Its time for fellowship to begin
I need to get myself a drink its stifling hot in here  
I tell the family that brought me here that I would be back in a bit
I skip to get a drink that water is so cold
Why do I like drinking out of a fountain? Is it  because it tickles my nose?
After cookies and punch I’m told I have an extra surprise
For today I can get a ride home
I see the black and white collar its looks so scratchy
But this is Gods house and he does what’s best
As  people say goodbyes and I sit and wait for my surprise
Maybe because momma can’t afford much I will get something nice
Its peaceful as the church hymns are gone

I have never been in here when it is silent
He tells me to sit down and gives me a drink
It taste familiar maybe that wine that only those who had communion can taste
I drink it down so fast it makes me a little dizzy
Perhaps it’s the heat in this building
The fans seemed to be broken on the hottest of Southern days
Father tells me my dress is pretty
I smile politely waiting for a surprise
He ask if my socks are new and I reply with a very loud excited “Yes “
What have I done to get the attention like this?
My best friend had a birthday two Sundays ago
What did she get?
I hear mommas voice run in my head don’t entertain yourself in the house of the Lord
So I close my eyes for a moment or two
So I hear today is your birthday , that makes you a special girl
I nod my head still feeling a little loopy
May I take your picture for the church paper?
You look so pretty but first take your hair down
I release my braids one at a time
My hair is wavy and long and so baby fine
I show off my socks so proud of them
He smiles at me with his  bright smile
Can I see you twirl around in your Sunday best ?
I giggle and spin in a circle or two
Smile he tells me so I do
Come sit here I sit upon a desk
I must be special to be up here
Father asks to see what’s under my dress
I ask why but know father knows best
For a quick moment I lift my dress
Feeling my face become flushed
Its alright you’re the birthday girl
I ask if I get a bible he says after were done with pictures and such
I sit quietly listening to his voice its deep but soothing
My feet don’t want to hold still
I try and be polite and use my manners just like momma likes
He has his fingers stroke my face they are soft but large and feel nice
May I give you a birthday kiss? I have seen my elders  kissing and practiced on my doll
This wont be wrong we are where god lives
His lips graze mine slowly at first
Then it becomes harder and he is full of thirst
These hot Southern days
His face feels like sand paper like grandpa has to make his Christmas gifts
It warms me suddenly then cools me down
I feel a burning between my legs it aches
He reaches for me my wavy hair resting in his hands
I feel so special but keep wondering what my gift will be
He gives me another drink of that pretty red stuff
Giving me sips slowly as he grips the cup
It spills down my lips a little at a time
But we don’t waste any he drinks it from my chin
I feel as though I suddenly forgot how to breathe
There is something under my slip of my dress
It makes me at ease
At night when I go to sleep and put my head on the pillow
I feel that kind of rest
There is an sensation in my chest
He reaches up and pinches these small pink eraser like dots
A noise is able to escape it’s a noise I have heard before
Through closed doors but never from me
He takes off my dress slowly and meticulously
I don’t want to rip my new dress or the slip that grandma made
His mouth finds my little mounds of pink and nibbles away
He makes no sound I finally breathe
As colors start to run down his neck and onto the once white crisp shirt
He removes it . I want to touch it feel it around my neck
Its just paper with cloth but he allows me this
So I stand with my *****  pink erasers and this collar
I wonder am I a man of God now?
He asks if I would like to see why he is a man
I apply yes use my manners so nice
He takes my hand and puts it on a warm hard lump that is escaping his pants
I’m not scared I feel safe
He takes out the thing that makes him a man and he wants it against my face
My birthday present at last
Father is careful placing it  on my lips
So I try and kiss it like its one of my dolls
I feel kind of silly so I ask him how
Like a ice-cream take your time
Go in circles over this spot
So I do and it grows I try and put it in my mouth
My lips are sore and I need a drink
He laughs at me and gives me more red drink
I want you to lay down he says to me
So I do and feel like I have been on a merry go around
He removes my flowered printed *******
My stomach starts to feel woozy  
But I still feel good
I’m twelve today he is so impressed
I lay down with butterflies in my chest
At first it hurt his finger exploring me
But then it was like a warm day and a cool breeze washed over me
It kind of tickled when he put his tongue there
I giggled and moved my hips
But something happened that felt like my favorite candy
My body wouldn’t quit moving beneath his face
I shivered and wondered am I getting sick
Then just like that it was over
He flipped me around and put his fingers in another place
I was kind of worried that I done something wrong
He reassured me that I was doing fine
Something felt warm on my behind
He told me its going to hurt but it will be alright
I felt a pain that heard a sound  
His rough deep voice maybe this is where he belongs
For a moment I didn’t breathe
I held back the tears because I’m twelve a big girl
He turns me over once again takes my tears and put them in his mouth
He was looking for salvation he drank every last one
So as I lay thinking of rainbows and the evening sky
He has some fluid that I drink like the wine
It tasted like nothing but was thick and made me feel shy
But as we finish he hands me a new bible I tear a page and wipe myself dry

Sadness has never been so beautiful
Yet so dangerous

You may think that I don’t know what love is
But I asked the sky the flowers and the trees
They all had an explanation for me
The sky spoke in a low hush tone
Whispering to me I will never be alone
That when I feel secluded I’m surrounded by peace and quiet sounds
That I shall never feel alone
The flowers told me something I once knew before I wore scars
Sometimes you will see beauty in someone
But as the layers fades it  reveals the truth
The trees stood brilliant by my side
It held me with its  undergrowth pulling me near  
It told me I’m like no other that I harvest strength everyday
Gives me faith and gives me sound
That there are all moments we don’t want to face
But we take on the hardships that we are dealt
In these moments we find our way

With the frailty of a butterfly

Books for warmth, fading out like old photographs

Antique white skin

Brassy bloodied cheeks

A swarm of dragonflies laces  my face

Ancestry nightfall, ghosts of the drowned

Faded gnarled patchwork, eating away my  mind

Limbs of the tree growing out of me

Divided from everyone else

Inside the pinwheel blindfolded
  
Wading through hours and days

A slave to this disease

It's the only one that I breathe

He told me I,  begged for a black eye

I had it coming

It was my Fault

Black eye, broken cheek bone

I'm trash

I volunteer at a shelter home for battered women

It's so ******* clear

Swallow me,  push me down  

I don't care if you can't breathe

You fell  slipped on the cats *****

Lost a tooth

"How dumb can you be not to catch yourself when I push you from behind?"

I want to say I don't have eyes in the back of my head

If I did I would know you where a worthless *******

It burned my little petal
But the gun was cold on my face
I was not afraid
I was in another place
My imagination escaped  
I ran through fields of flowers
Catching butterflies and smelling daffodils
I blew bubbles slowly into the air
Chased the dog across the yard
I had a vanilla ice cream and it was just right
The sun was warm against my skin
I was not inside a cage

Frantically unraveling into the throat of the earth
Throbbing molecules quilting the fabric of my minds eye into infinite horizons
Spoonfuls of dust embroidered in my hair
Branches woven into the groves of desolate despondency
My body clutching feebly into a mute embryo
My tongue  silenced into a spinning crimson ocean
Tilting uncontrollably kissing the hard gravel

Abandoned admiration calloused with despair
A bottomless compass that leads nowhere
Impotent illusions that curse the starless storm
A revengeful wind swells undersea
Tracing underneath the sunlight

Beyond the aches of fingers
With handfuls of garden walls
Fragility that huddles impatiently
As the ivory magnolias flicker in the decay
Stains of the stagnant obscenities
As the nest of bones grieve
Crawling distances daring the dark
Outside the landmarks
We sneak into the tunnels
As a sheath of pungent amniotic poetry is found
Shattering as the sorrows erode
The appalling cracks stretching my skin
Theatrical anorexic anchors that pierce my flesh
With abandoned ******* and stinging hurt
The nakedness shrieks
With  an intolerable shame
If I descend much deeper I will burst
I'll float through the cemetery because I'm already dead
The delirium has me caged

Its 2 A.M. I'm falling through the door
There you are fast asleep
Angry with me without having to speak
I 'm trying to be clean
Dropped my purse tonight lost half my pills
Good serves you right
Your not pretty when you smell like beer
Lost a high heel again tonight
Covered in bruises don't tell me your sick
You look like a strung out **** star
How many free drinks you get tonight ?
You use to be thin now your turning into a cow
Why the whiskey that sours your breathe?
Smell like smoke look like hell
Go to sleep you little *****

Would you buy me a yellow bicycle?
If you loved me perhaps you would
Tie me down so I can't float
I get restless and its hard for me to stay
I try not to slip away into the unknown
My soul is youthful
I'm hard to trust
I may spin out of control
But your the one
With slivers in my veins
I taste the pain
Consuming all my truths
With not a choose to choice

Constant struggling from this untamed condition
Conscious colors on this earthly soil
A rupture full of sweet bouquets beneath the stone vines
As winter mornings assault me
Emerging like exotic wind with a last silent breath
I cocoon myself so I can stay within

Tattered fabric woven into your voice
Soft and refined,curled in the night
Unfolding the yarn, knitting into you
As dewdrops sculpt, a deep silence occurs
Etched and whirled, hazy and unknown
Bones  unfurl in the wind
Lacerated with shame etched into your skin
Stains echo across your *******
Indignation embroidered deeply within

Forgetting my name as it slips off your tongue
You Slaughter my soul and leave it for prey
Abandoning my love just another casualty your way
You massacre my mind hijacking my heart
Just another cadaver in your disease
The devastation you have provided me with can’t slip away
I’m immobile I have been through a defeat
Sabotaged all that I once believed
I Surrender I no longer continue to breathe

Swimming where the naked edge less leaves reside
Where the constellations can hide
A lost moon on this velvet night
Deteriorating with shame
Excruciating the peak of flames
I fade away into the crimson tides
Trembling towards a mystic  descending light
The Hallucinations of ******* the sunlight
Communicating beneath something oddly  familiar
Sitting with the plague
As it resides in your eyes
Serene balance of breeze
Declining to shine

You are you the anemia in my heart
Where human remains start
A journey into harmony with a spirited flame
Whipping into tranquility a fascinating rein
Trying to survive beneath a powdery substance, pollen
Bellowing with distress
With hands on the face of God with a righteous value
Licking the language of music that barely exists
Bare shadows, disfigured, and executed
Battered into the desolate cold grave
The salvation sickens me alive
Memories  are  measureless
The sun gasps into soulless sounds
As the spirits surround me crying as I fail
Demise while you're young
With redemption you sacrifice
The night begins to spill away, slain by the sun

In the darkness with your honey colored skin
That was welted and warm
It surrounded me  
I knew how I felt
Quietly I said a prayer under my breathe
Let this be real make me alive
Eyes that felt like home just where I belong
Connected to you at last
Your lips taste exquisite
I sketched you several times in my head
You empower me
I erase all that I know
This blood that runs through me leaving me half dead
I need to let the past be anew

Letting you lay so peacefully and still
I ache with wonder what would I do
Fighting my urgency to rush
My fingers slowly find your *******
Then I travel to your place
Why are there tears are you in sorrow?
This well be so special you’ll feel good
Committed to the demon in my mind
I want to cut you and place you inside of mine
Don’t have to try and yell because nobody will listen

Your skin is delicate and free
I bet that nobody has ever tasted you
I want to float in your throat
Frustrated by the words that **** my mouth
I tried to make you numb
Perhaps you’re a little to resilient for me

The path is jagged and so I have been told
I feel so pathetic feel  old
The canvas I started is thrown on the floor
The room is full of smoke
I cant help feel distressed
I’m hesitant of this mind of mine
I try and surrender but I cant find the time
When all is said and all is gone
Will I see you? Will you fall at my feet?
With pieces of me upon the mountains for only you to keep
I never tried to stay
I knew what I had to do
Wanting to inhale you into a line straight into my mind  
Through amethyst moons and fields of love
You come undone and I have just brought you the sun
Pieces of me dwelling in your nerves
Every ounce of your resilience divulges me
You cant escape what you feel
I beat on this drum
Longing for love that is new
Watch you gaze at me with those shades on
Like an old hippie that just cant grow
Patchouli the fresh scent in your hair
Delicate and weak as you go
Spread your wings
Look at that light it forced itself in
I wanted to stay in bed and sleep
But for the reasons I have to live
It sneaked up on me anyway
It was a Wednesday an  a dreadful day to fall in love
But as I crossed the road you caught me by my thoughts
Make sure you kiss the sky as you fly by

Climbing the breeze as the night wanders  
Kissing poetry delicately
Listening to the howl of the flowers
The blankets are bleeding
I thirst for the sheets
Swollen ******* flush
Devoured by the burn of my mouth
We glide to the tempo of our frenzy
With a complex dignity
I want to collect the center of your eye
Memorize your iris for the lonely nights
Kiss your hair until you become weak
Feast on our attraction  in the dark
You have become an anchor for all my life
Our journeyed evenings bare feet and worn
******* inside your womb
We never conform  to others thoughts
We  love all the the same
Touching skin massaging and teasing
The flame of your hips
Nourishing the breath of  our ecstasy

Broken shards of wind and rain succumb to dust
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight
A cracked blur that is declining yet shining
My form has withered  my raw lost thoughts
As  I await for secrets
I get swayed  into the twilight
Your skin radiates next to my lips
I shall dry your tears of saliva
Your violin voice makes me feel  mystical  
As the daisy's  begin to thirst,  for the purest hope of spring
The evening begins to ascend on a blue jays wing
I'm immersed into this reality
Arched into ecstasy with a exquisite sensation
I erupt into a wave that is the ground of love

I'm painted with anguish
As the death of my heart appears
Peace is not my home

Calloused feverishly as I scatter and dive
Impotent realism with foretell signs
Battered  twists and shards

Inhaling mood swings
Asphyxiating on my panic
Anxiety smeared across my deranged body
Diving into the storm of my mind
Dusty lingering skies , with shadows I oppress

I stand in your eyes
Looking out for the whole world to see
With the fabric of death staring at me
Its just you and me
On the edge of heaven
Mending distances as we begin
Ghastly gray hours littered my ears
Intensly intrusive and ******
The shadows spill stringently
Stamping the sky with feelings of insufficiency
The bitter breeze dreamers, protesting for peace
Beyond all countries and downward dreams
We heave our head, heart, and soul

The handfuls of gestures surrender the way
A taut twine traveled behind
With waves coiling and bending my mind
Dying eyelashes recaptured my memories as they danced upon my face
A once swollen spirit is a ripped fragment away
Consenting with out my say
Death burst your core
The life of limbs, once excitable and strong
A strong windswept set my ambivalence at bay
As I lay trembling, Soft secrets are told
Relief from bottomless sufferings
Loved ones long lost reunited with me
My tounge has say much to say as words sail
As the wisps of heaven begin to show me the way

A sunflower  moon
For me to see
Hugging rocks and eating the trees
Kissing the roots
Inhaling the sea

Five years ago today you departed this earth
5 years, 5 months, 5 minutes, 5 seconds, they all conjoined instantaneously, so conveniently
I don't  recall the day of the week , the time of the day
Although I memorized  the confines of your face,  your rugged unwavering  hands
Your guttural voice often immigrates within my head
When I soul search, I look for you
The fading  air that I begged you could take  
Fretfulness settled into the restristed room, submerging into wetlands
Incomprehensible grief as we bathed in tears
Prayers were addressed to our ears
Gentle brushes against your skin just to feel your warmth
I thought what is the sound of a heartache?
Because I knew at that moment even sorrow knew  grief
Having no words for my own mother who lost a son
Knowing that there were three brothers and now one is gone
Recognizing how delicate brothers can be, yet unbreakable

I envision you discovering fistfuls of copper
A sacred river that delivers  peace  and there's  berries to pick
With sawdust on your fingertips and a smile upon your face
The fish are  always biting, and you can always hunt deer
Rings of kaleidoscope colors paint the sky, calmly on the shore

Its gone
Said and done
Drunken stupor for you
Pushes me to the edge
Conceals the pain
**** the truth
My lips are burning
My organs are on fire
Swallow hard have another pill
Go to the place that you  know
Blackness taste the best
Just like china white
Mutilates my spine
Allowing you to implant this disguise
Annihilate the cells that can't speak
Asphyxiate  on your own blood and pain

Sparrow little sparrow
Why so sad?
I have tried to help you get outside
I will leave you sleep get some rest
Lay down upon my breast
I will stroke your wings
Hold you near
Forgive me kiss the warmth of my neck
Little sparrow so lonely and sad
We could go to a land where you can frolic on the shore
The waves will kiss you I do believe
Beyond the shadows into the breeze
Just you and me
Sparrow have no sorrow
Just for me

Beautiful darkness
Lighting strikes the stones
As my mouth unpeels
Liquefy on the edge of hope
Descending toward imagines of my ghost
My weapons are my words

Spiritually sickened
Convulsing with electritcy as it undresses my wounds
Comatose hallucantions howled
Unhinged  calamity of the naked shivered sky
As the womb needs its whiskey high
Birdlike flapping my anxieties away
The twine is weak morally I will drown
My bones begin to find me as I go down
Arms and legs that no longer move
As my eye lashes begin to kiss the night
My teeth and lips will never feel a kiss
Looking out the windshield of sobriety
Entwined lovers drunken mourners
I beg of you to slit my tears

I feel sloshed but I'm sober
Now I drink you up
I could trample your ribs and vertebrae
Inhaling you into my brain
You could live here for awhile
Feeling you beneath my skin
Kicking to get relief
I feel real
On this carousel that spins with relief
I frolic and feast on your meat
Consuming you with much greed

Starless eyes
Ragged and forbidding
Teeth of tears
Flamed and striped for fear
The flesh is an illusion
Repugnant as it is revealed
Savage winds carry me away
Constrains me when I die
The curse of annihilation's
In circles I can't keep  
A shroud that stifles the delicate truth
The departed in white discomposure
In pain I flee

Slaughtered agonies,
Afloat in my jagged saliva
My anguish anchors the arch that revealed me
Morally dispirited,  me breathing you
Hysteria smothering the hallucinations
Intoxication anxieties compounding
Into a hopeless staggering daze

You oppressed, egotistical , ignorant,  uneducated , biased self
Living in the box of conformity
I want to stitch your tongue on the roof of your mouth to silence you  
I refuse to coincide to everyday traditionalist events
I won’t be a victim of  someone’s else’s mistake
Hostilities and intimidation it polluted you ***** little mind
There is nothing unique about  conventional clothes
Poverty ridden the abyss makes me rage
Dreaded emaciated void that overflows with pain
No one is thriving but this phantom pain that you feel is real  
Bleak and suddenly ill
I want to choke out the interior of your shame  
Gelatinous core swallows you whole
While you wear your American mask
This is your wasteland , desolate as your character
It interrupts with clatter as it fractures the earth
Covering you with splinters of despair

Surrender this dusty heart of mine
I have chased the height of my beliefs
As my lips have been colored purple
I exposed my sharp scars
Capturing spirits  in my pockets
Years of a souless sound
Battles against a noose
My mind has begun to decease
Bottles pose as my friends
The artillery of this difficult fight
As I  sleep on the currents of frozen ground
Perching on the plank
Crimson  blood in the air
The ocean of brick bones that fade
Fighting this war in vain

I want a lazy kind of love
Sleeping until noon you can rummage my mind
I'll unfold the sunlight for you
My fractured eyelids have dreamcatcher eyes
I'll carry the moon in my pocket, the lightening in my core
My poetic mouth will get us  through the nights
Unbound lips gather the earth

As we wade into the drought
A hazy tide with hands of art
Soaking up peace
Graffiti kissing the walls
Craving normal folk
Whiskey oak spins your hemisphere
As we follow a gypsy road
The compass is weak and unsure
I stand on the brittle edge
With aspirations in my pocket
With a road of flowers and uncertainty ahead
But we sing folk music for the young
We savor the sound
Were full of heart and vitality
We get torn and misshaped
But we continue to dream about unity anyway

Battered evenings
Poverty blues
Hysterical moon
Hopeless tears on the stoop of shame
Puddles of earth and stones
Melting, spilling veins on the postcards of dreams
Restless sorrows
Hoping for an escape
Hold fast to the hope of a ferocious truth
A tunnel of a roadside volcanoes
Broken bursts of fractures, blood and bones
On the windowsills that look to heaven
I reach for my amnesia fairies
Forever just beyond my reach