the truth is no one ever taught me how to fix a flat tire or how to ask for help or what love was even good for in the first place

and the truth is that the cookie was good but the lemon icing wasn't and the truth is baking should be done without any kind of lemon at all

and the truth is i wish you'd hold me close enough that our skin fused together and i could burrow into your spine and learn all the things you won't teach me

and the truth is you were never good at making eye contact but i dare you to look at me long enough that i can trace the line that connects your iris to your pupil and count how many shades of black a person can produce

and the truth is i don't know if the grass has fingerprints but i know that yours are cigarette stained and no better at letting go than mine

and the truth is i am a dump site and you are an inhale and i am clockwork and you are a melody and i can't keep my teeth off your eloquence

and the truth is my feet are covered in acrylic paint from leaving smudged footprints in sparkly things

and the truth is i don't want you all to myself but you can pretend i'm yours when i'm engulfed in the ocean and making it hard for you to breathe

and the truth is i'm looking for a different kind of intimacy from you

and maybe it's just some teenage girl talking but the truth is that i want to drown with you. i want to burn with you. i want to scream with you so violently that the body that crushes my lungs crumbles and i become a balloon for real this time

and the truth is, if you hadn't called me beautiful, i would have mistaken last night for a paradise i don't believe in

I officially hate you,
more than I have ever done in my life.
I hope it satisfies you enough,
now you have a reason to not come back for real.
Now you should just go away from me..
Now only I realized for real, I don't think I will ever give you other chances.
And I am not sorry about it, at all.


I just hope I can sleep peacefully away from your ****.

i know i said it wouldnt matter
if its not you and me in the end
but some nights the what if's and could have's won't let me sleep

and the stillness of the hours before sunrise
remind me of the stillness between us,
unsure words and hesitant conversations

and in those hours
i still catch myself
wanting

you. my thoughts are always about you. every single day. and i can't stop it. here i am just thinking about everything. i can't sleep and it's times like this when i wish you were here. i miss sleeping with you. just being able to lay with you and talk until we both fell asleep. it's what i miss the most. it was the only thing about our relationship that felt...normal. like you were actually right here next to me. you just had a way of making it feel like you were really here when in reality you were a world away. your voice by my side all night was enough to make me feel safe and at ease for once in my life. a feeling i can't even remember. i don't even remember what you sound like now, how sad is that? ****...i just want to stop thinking for awhile. i'm so tired.

it hurts the most when i see how happy you are. not because i don't want you to be; because i do. that is my only desire in the world. but it reminds me of how happy you once made me, and of the possibility that, maybe for a short time, i was your happiness too.