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Fidel Nov 2018
I’ve been having troubles frequently,
Laying in bed with the deep end, out naked
Battling these sleep thoughts
That don’t stop, please shut down,
Wondering what makes me stay up,
Is it the troubles?
Love?
Or period?
I remember tomorrow like it had just ended,
With the same question beeping,
Am I gonna live?
Shine?
Or die?
Tomorrow that I see, has much changed from Tuesday,
Wandering the places that were frequent,
When I had her to surpass,
Took you out the night the rain talked to see a place with my set of green-ish whites,
And made me think maybe we should just trade,
Take my place, I’ll put on your eyes and see your life, try to reside, this so dark, safe to shine,
And you will ask me:
When will you come back?
Turn back?
Or hear back?
I don’t have an answer
Guess
Or estimate,
Just a goal
Mission
Life threatening.
But I’ll ask you,
Will you wait for me to come back?
Fidel Nov 2018
I’ve been losing sleep,
You say you need to lose weight,
But all this running through my mind should have worked just fine,
Our friends tell me we can’t be good for each other,
But all I can see is how great your smile makes me feel I wonder
Will I ever live to see you?
See you hold my hand by the beach in Australia,
You know how much I love koalas
But for your love I’d give up a thousand just to call you mine for a second in my life,
Your love as a friend is the best, the best, the best I’ve ever had,
For that alone I want to call you mine,
Even if that includes another bruise in my mind, just another to the side,
Maybe for you,
But for me number 60 seems great, great so so great,
Because I know if with you I make love,
It would all be different,
For once and first I would love you til the end of time,

I would, I would **** my vibe,
Would quit the drinking just to see you sober,
Drunk you seem the greatest but only sober do I know who you are,
My one and only, forever mine but only sober will I know you aren’t mine,
I’ve killed to live, killed the other guy who smoked and cried to be the man you deserved but you don’t see the angel that I love,
You got the perfect smile,
Most perfect set of eyes,
Tell me what you like and I’ll write a poem to make you and live the fortune of seeing you smile,
Hugging you felt like drinking *****,
So cold but burnt me because ****, I love you.
I’ve looked from every point and perspective, but I can’t see you as the villain,
So did she tell me, you would steal me and I would never call her again,
This is all Deja Vu, because I love you but you tell me this could never work,
Platonic solemnly, not to raise my hopes and play my feelings like that ***,
Just please tell me honey, would you love me,
If all the rest was lost and forgotten?
Because even if so I would still be there, to hold you after another one played your heart,
Just because my love is real and forgone,
All because you been hurt and forgone by many that came to go and leave your life with a scar but I’m here to stay until you make me go,
Then I’ll forever be gone but just until you call me back to ask for help of which I will with all my mighty fight to succeed at making you happy,
But this is all it,
This is all Deja Vu, I feel like I’ve said this before because I would give you all that’s nothing just to make you smile and see you work it,
Doesn’t matter how hard to be and how long it might take me to do it,
I might finish after your wish is gone but even then I’ll restart just to make sure you are still wishing,
Wish all the wishes just make sure none of them include me leaving your life,
Because I brought my bags and from here I don’t wanna move,
I’ll go on a trip to take some pics,
Write a cute couple lines,
Just to see that smile of yours,
That for so long I’ve been staring through a screen and don’t check the analysis because its all a cover for you not to question.
Fidel Nov 2018
~For Baby Beast
It started out,
With what it could have been,
What we could have done,
And what I could have said,
It may be too late now,
But better late than never.
I stand in the shower,
As if my mind was traveling through time,
Creating new puzzles and challenges,
That fulfill my nights.
What once was,
Will never once be again.
I stand and think,
As water drips down my neck,
I remember of those rides,
When it was raining outside,
And I looked through my window to the sound of Dejavu,
Just imagining what I could be.
Long cold thoughts,
For my body to feel relieved of the pain.
Long burning waterfalls,
For my body to never love again.
I once heard that we make our own luck,
At the time it sounded nice,
I tried saying it a couple of times,
But never came out the same,
Sometimes it was for help,
Sometimes it was for knowledge,
And sometimes it was the answer.
I walked in the shower,
Loud voices screaming to the sound of Lund,
I closed the doors and the storm started,
The ceiling was the cloud,
The shower was the rain,
My fears turned into acid,
As my tears turned into steam.
I remember feeling my stomach crumble,
My hands shaking,
Eyes sweating,
I hit the door the first time,
The second, she came into my mind,
It felt so real, so real that I could hear her laugh,
Begging me to hit her,
But crying for me to help her,
How could I hit such a beautiful being?
I want my voices to be heard,
Want my screams to be considered,
Want my sweat to be seen,
And want my poetry to be read.
Sometimes I swallow my own nothing,
Feel the emptiness bouncing,
Feel the guard calling,
I created my own little world,
For those who fear,
To escape and explore,
The beauty of my mind,
I see, a clearer world,
With no belongings and no money,
Simply a pen and paper,
A world with no rulers,
A world in which you feel,
The same old sad stories,
But with a happy ending,
With the dead walking freely,
And their causes flying swiftly,
With a pretty bird by my side,
And a bright blue sky that cries.
As I walk through the main forrest, I see a very tall hill,
And so I walk and climb,
For him to be satisfied.
As I approach the top,
I hear a familiar voice,
That sounds like the one,
But screams like the two.
My mind is now back to the lab,
Where thoughts come and go,
Water keeps dripping,
And tears keep sounding fake,
This so called shower,
The one in which I sigh,
For my life to become so high,
That no shall be capable to buy.
I now stand, one thousand feet in the air,
Yet still hear Broken being sung,
I once again, open my eyes,
And check the time for answers,
Dry myself and walk,
As now I face a detective,
“Why the long showers, my dear?”
Well, that’s where my mind finds peace.

— The End —