Weary footman
Relax your vanities
Your possessions
They are mine
Leave hurriedly
Lest our minds
Also cross paths

I crave musings of mind and issues not yet dealt with
to be a part of and continue inside the process
I do not want to have *** or touch you
It's impossible to think this is reality
It's not too easy to explain this truth
I want you around me always
But never, ever, touch me
I desire the affections and affectations
without the final stage, please

Sweet sickness beckons and against better
Impulse, I jump inside
Where the bones grind against each other
A clear yellow light just out of reach
Gesturing, follow me, come
I float down

**** me, I beg of endings
Everything is sweeter with a sour tongue
It's worse that rot, more obtuse
And revolting than ***
I beg of my body and I beg of your mind
Sweetness, please, just sugar

Listen to the lilacs catch hold of the breeze
They move outside of the window and their scent breathes
The room is filled with the dry heat and bloom of a long-dead Lilac bush

I don't have the memories to corroborate
Your story is not my story is not the truth is not fiction
But it came from somewhere and I have it inside me
This awful weight, gradually shifting

I'm revolving around a single point somewhere
Beyond time, beyond space, in the shadows
I feel it and I can sense it but I
Can't move it away

Someone puts it into their lover, a bride, groom
I put it into a hairbrush, then mascara, then my lungs

Every day's the same
I fall apart
To make it out and return
It's too hard
The cracks in my skin
I've torn into
The gaps between our bodies
I've looked into
I've got this nothingness inside me
Everyone can see right through
I'm doing nothing
Dancing late night through my room
Curtains open, come and help me
I am nothing like you
I'm terribly confused
And conflicted
My every other thought is wicked
I drown in sickness

I like your big eyes
Light up my life with your fire
Burn me, red white and gold
I know you never said but I think the credit
Goes to: you were too old

James, I think, the lying has got to stop
He says, I'm not his only but I'm his favorite
And I don't think it can get more perfect

He thinks he wants me
When I beg to be included
He wants to touch me when I'm feeling loose
He's just so clever, ten steps ahead

James has got it better because he's in love with me
I asked him about it and he said that we're holy
He's just a vampire who's been born to feed
It's gotta be meant to be, gotta be, something telling me
The fantasy is just as real as reality

I need to adjust myself
and view the past as it is
not as how I wish it
Not through eyes of a deficient
appetite and mind and mood
Careless
Maker, mine, keep me safe
Hold me how you like
I will like it, too

You are an art
fully deceptive and eager to ruin
whomever you can let yourself touch
I let you touch me and I am ruins
I am stupid, and wrong, and scared
Careless
Maker, mine, keep me safe
Touch me however you like
sure I like it, too

He let me go
he let me leave
I want to crawl back
like a frightened child for him to hold
He grinned as he hurt me
Careless
He grinned while he hurt me
Hold me how you like
I will like it, too

Someone collared my best friend, I noticed only looking back
We trade candy canes from her mouth to my mouth
They all watched but no one told me

I feel better with big hands on my hands
on my neck, on my *******

Sweet, sweet girl, they sang
It's time - your daily game
I'll put my hands together
In your lap or my lap
And we'll see who lasts the longest

Awkward Tuesday is not unconditional
They thought I loved them but it's not professional
I just take their money and the candy, and baby
I'm all the lonelier for it

Someone collared my best friend, I know that I wanted to be her
Because he liked it from my mouth to her mouth
I wonder why she was better

I feel better with big hands on my hands
on my neck and on my breast
I'm sure you've noticed

Baby girl, baby child, they sang
Hold on to this, you'll like it just try it
Here's a thing that we could do
In your lap or in my lap
I just want to be there forever

Awkward Tuesday is not unconditional
I really loved them but it's just not professional
I take their life force, their time and the candy
Baby, I'm the loneliest doll
I'm the loneliest girl, doll
I'm the loneliest god

He said there’s always another woman

And nobody’s better than mine

Said he’d teach me the tricks, I’d be fine

I’m still a little girl, but I’m smart, he says all the time

I can do anything I want if only I could find

Something to occupy my feeble mind

And the days pass with nothing to do

I’m just wasting my time with my - with you

It’s true you’re the best thing to happen to me

Since I fell down and found this place on my knees

i'm the abandoned streets
winter's lack of heat, darkness
at 3:45 am, the moonlight reflected
on the snow, just sparkling, pulling
marijuana smoke from my lungs

i'm candy coloured lights on a fake
christmas tree, spent hours unfurling
the branches, dangling spirit unto them
without care, forcing hot chocolate down
my gullet like it was the only familial
connection i'd ever be allowed a part in

i'm the dead heat of summer, where it's
just too hard to move, and even though
the air conditioning is functioning and the
sunlight seems so pleasant, it's just too hard
to rub my whole body down with sunscreen
and find shorts to wear and find a tank top
to wear and find a way to make my sweat
appealing to anyone who might see me out walking

i'm the night time, wide awake from sun down
to sun up, doing nothing, a trance state from
moon to moon, for gods and messages from god
i'm the studying for hours for no reason except
it's something to do and i'm not tired, i'm so tired
but i'm chugging coffee cup after coffee cup and
contemplating the best time to start pretending
that my life is fine for just a moment of peace before
i allow sleep to take me, the fantasy of reality
where i am as important as i want to be, my fingers
under the covers because even though i am alone
i am ashamed i might see myself touching myself
an anti-****** where i am one with my shadow