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Why?
How can I feel this way?
I feel myself
Losing you
Pushing you away
Purposely
Like, just talking to you
Is torturing me
Yet, I need you
WHAT THE **** DO I DO?
I don't wanna hurt anymore
I want the pain to go away
I don't know what I'm living for
I don't know how I got this way
How do I say
THIS IS TOO MUCH TO TAKE
To handle
To deal with
Torn, ripped in directions
I never thought existed
Expectations
Non granted wishes
ALL FOR NOTHING
Cause I'm still broken
Not even worth fixing

But you
You're worth so much more
None of the guilt
None of the shame
Is worth anything
**** IT ALL
Just forget my name
Like things growing closely in clusters
are the memories of sweet trying to understand truth
when wrong arms reached out and offered devilish friendship.
As a child you sat reading softness and hope and butterflies
untitled poems rhymed in your head,
Nightmares woke you up, so cruel as to drive you here.
All windows closed and flies and stink festering within
and burning fires untended threatened to burn you down.
As you sit, still reading alone,
poems unwritten.
a C. Bukowski poem and bean with bacon soup with regular crackers
I dipped in and burned every bit of my mouth swallowed the reactive mess fast, like a nuclear thing it burnt all the way down.
I felt the way I did when I kissed last Sunday, that twenty dollar *****
on her nether lips, I dipped my cadmium rod into a beer, after
stopping what may react just like Fermi did.
Satisfied, I cooled off, and farted away bubbly drinking
the rest of the night.
I got nothin.
It's sad, this aching to write and write,
But the words coming out sound so contrite.

Like that.

I stand up, stare down at my page.
I see the lines, those imaginary borders
between my stubborn head,
and my bleeding heart.

I pray that the division will have a remainder.

That forgotten piece, the inconsequential.

Because the remainder is the thing-
That space between there and here,
Where time sits in a chair,
staring at its own hands.

That no man's land where eraser crumbs
become mountains worth climbing.

Where the fairy tales of our own beginnings gather breath,
Spreading wings over the valleys of our truth.
Oh fickle poet!
Your slippery heart is in your hand
Bind your mouth,
Persevere.
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