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 Apr 2016 Eriko
Bailey
He's a stupid, selfish *******.
An immature little boy in a man's body who wanted to be like his father and get away from his mother.
Joining the military was--for him--like a little girl wishing to be a princess.
I could never convince him otherwise, even with facts and statistics and love.
He didn't want to stay for me, didn't want to stay with me.
But I don't care about that part.
I care that he's a stubborn little **** who thinks he's going to be a hero in people's eyes.
But it's not heroic if you ache for the recognition, the fame and glory and honor.
"So I can be somebody" he says.
So people will shake his hand in the store, he means.
He wants so badly to be this stereotype
that he will ignore the people
who love him,
and someday
he will become a crying,
scared,
traumatized mess in his bed sheets,
when the wars are done.
I only congratulate myself for leaving him,
because I won't be around when that happens.
This is what you left me for, Boy.
I hope it's worth it.
I hope you make your Daddy proud,
because I didn't.
I can't hug you goodbye
because of that
awful thing you did to me.
I blame you.
I blame you for everything.
For throwing away
everything we could have had
like it was a messy drawing.
You should have hit me,
screamed at me--something!
Should've done something more than cheat on me
because I still love you.
And for that, I hate you.
You stupid, selfish boy,
not letting me send you off
before you fight for your pride--
oops, I mean
America.
first time feeling bitter
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Bailey
Codependent
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Bailey
I really don't like
feeling like I'm about to throw up
when people are mad at me.
And I really don't like
feeling like I'm going to die
when I think for a split second that
someone will leave me.
I am so codependent,
that every dream I have,
I am with someone or in a crowd.
And my worst fear is
waking up
to an otherwise empty world.
I live for others.
Helping, loving, appreciating them.
And that is not okay for me.
Because nobody
can love as much as I do.
I was 7 years old when my mother told me that
loving everyone is a blessing and a curse,
and said that it's best I didn't
tell that girl I loved her
when she scraped her knee.
I have been feeling the affects
of this blessing/curse
my whole life.
And still,
all I want
is for someone to
at least
let me love them
like they should be loved
like I should be loved.
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Bailey
I can still see it. I am twelve years old looking at my mom lay in her hospital bed. They told me she had a hole in her esophagus, and not too long ago, had been dying of blood loss. I stand still too shocked to cry, and in my trance I hear the hum of the t.v. behind me. And I know that if I flip through the channels right now I’ll land on a commercial depicting false paradise. Toned, tanned, pretty people on a beach smiling like they were in Heaven as they swallow down the drink that put my mom and my family through hell.

I am a biased person. This tragedy that I have gone through has made me biased about all subjects relating alcohol. If I were to have one wish, it would be to expel the very idea of alcohol from our heads. But I can’t do that, just as I can’t let my opinions cloud my vision for the future of the families of America. In this simple vision, alcohol advertising is banned from television and radio.

Researchers found that an average of 29 percent of alcohol TV ads in Houston, Los Angeles, Dallas, Atlanta and Chicago don’t abide by voluntary standards set by the industry, which involve not being shown during t.v. shows where at most 30 percent of the audience are kids. One out of eleven radio ads for alcoholic beverages in 75 markets across the nation in 2009 failed to comply with the alcohol industry’s voluntary standard for the placement of advertising.

Alcohol advertisements aren’t the only type of ads that violate our industry’s standards. We see it all the time, when some sketchy commercial on t.v. has microscopic words at the bottom or a radio ad has the bad information sped up quicker than our ears can catch.

I believe that alcohol shouldn’t be prohibited, because I believe that people are born with the right to choose what they want to do with their life. But with that in mind, let’s let them choose! No more brainwashing commercials that promise a good time, let us decide what we need in order to have a good time.

Maybe then there wouldn’t be 30 percent of American adults and one in five teenagers living with alcoholism, 6.6 million children living with alcoholic parents and tens of thousands of alcohol induced car crashes. I believe that this will change. But I don’t just believe for those numbers I said. Thirty, five, one, 6.6 million--what do numbers mean? Nothing.

I believe for the kid who thinks drinking might solve her problems. For the other kid who wants heaven, but doesn’t want to get there too quickly. I believe for the little boy who has to take care of his siblings because his father is a drunk and his mother works hard. For the guilt ridden, God fearing man who can’t stop falling asleep with a bottle in his hand, I believe.

I believe that for the good of America, alcoholic ads can be, and should be banned. Because I never want my mom to have to sit me down again and say, “Bailey, I fell off the wagon” all because of our bandwagon, conspicuous consumer society. Because there are moms and dads here, wishing their kids were in paradise--playing volleyball, building sandcastles, and collecting sand dollars. Because approximately 100,000 people will die this year of alcohol related deaths, 4,700 of them, teenagers.

In the 1970’s, Cigarette advertisements were banned from our television sets and radios. The 70’s were considered the “me” generation. Hopefully, alcohol advertising will be banned as well in 2016, because we are the generation of activists. We are the “we” generation.
Speech for school
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Star Gazer
Sands passes through hourglasses
Where every grain of counting sand
Casts away the ache that passes
Onto a different body, a foreign land.

Each grain of sand running through the hourglass
Pieces of a heart shattered shall surely pass
As each grain of sand is a band aid
Covering wounds in a slow embracing cascade.
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Star Gazer
I don't know if you felt it,
The way that my heart melted,
Like cheese on a summer surface
Just trying to find a purpose.

I don't know if you felt it,
The way our bonds just belted,
Restraining our two souls together
Wondering if it is for the better.

I don't know if you felt it
Like an ore and a rock smelted
We succumbed and fell apart
Now there's a break in my heart.

I don't know if you felt it
The way that my heart melted
Like cheese on a summer surface
Struggling to find any purpose.

**I don't know if you felt it.
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Star Gazer
Shadows
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Star Gazer
She stood in the shadows
The darkness consuming her image
With scars and scabs across her wrists
She shoulders the burdens of assault.

She stood amongst the shadows
Welcomes each and every inflicted pain
Contemplating how her breath is a burden
She holds herself stumbling to a fault.

She stood side by side with the shadows
Holding their hands as she crosses the roads
Keeping silent about their identities
As she cries and calls for help with her scars.

She held the hands of her shadows
As they lay an arm across her shoulders
The shadows reflected the images of relatives
The shadows became the mimic image of her uncles.
 Apr 2016 Eriko
Star Gazer
I have four scars on my face.

The first one from a little girl
Apparently snatching toys
Is the equivalent of stealing
Hearts to a five year old girl.

The second one from a *****,
A ***** was lodged into tissues
And while weeping, I
Stupidly used a tissue that left
A ***** size scar.

The third one from a party,
One where I thought it would be
Smart to play traffic police to
A fight between two teenagers,
Screaming 'stop and go' for turns
Of punches.

The fourth one is a scar
That started in my heart,
A permanent indentation,
A resultant from too many sad days,
That forced a frown to be my natural face.
The fourth scar is the scar
That made me lose my smile.
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