don't know where it leads but I know where it starts -
I don't know where I'm going but I know far once I trust my heart
God, overcome my aggressions for they cloud my possessions
I give you my expectations - gone w the wind
I'm fully accepting
for all I ever wanted was to win big - not a trophy or a plaque just many grins and clap backs... & maybe just enough to give back
I can't do great if I'm heavy - so I'll unpack & let go of my struggles & envy
"never let them see you sweat" - I neglected the shine that brewed on my neck
eternalizing the disrespect

touch me only if you are here to stay
I long for your holding bc you make me feel safe your words do just enough so I only can imagine your sincere touch
touch me for love is felt
touch me so in your arms I'll melt
you've touched me already without seeing me
you have super powers already redeeming me
no rush to touch no rush to feel
I want divine reassurance to let me know if it's true, if it's real
no judgements, I put it on the table - you're now full
I hope he's head strong & no dead skull
I promise there's no one present to compete
forever wanting to feed, hope you're ready to eat
I know I can't ask for more than I can handle
so I'm working hard, improving my mental
for myself & the best
I'm letting God do the rest
I'm accepting all tests & trials
I know I have to continue to run many miles
the unknown continues to unfold
for better & worse
some day will be said in my vows
a forever touch I'll hold
hoping to never let go
I've been waiting for hours
to have my own love
so touch me endlessly
let your love shower
for genuine love brings so much power

I'm fed up
you let up
& I shut up
you took my voice & now I'm fighting to feel better
I hate you ...Lord I know it's wrong
you blocked my heart & left me to put the sweater on
closed off to myself, middle fingers up
no sunny weather
I don't wanna feel this
I've gotten so bitter
guard up, ready to pull the trigger on whoever
"Rain on me, Lord won't you take this pain from me"
- in the shower, Ashanti on repeat for hours
I can't eat got everything in the microwave trying to reheat
can't bring it back
I feel under attack
Help
I want my voice
Myself
back

we don't listen to understand we hear to disappear
did you feel my pain
did you see my veins
don't respond you don't get it
I shouldn't have said anything
I should've left you to read it
Not trying to wait until it's too late
I don't care what you think, just thought releasing would help my mind go blank
I'm stuck on the what ifs, try to feed myself w the don't drifts
"Ya mind is a terrible thing to waste"
But I'm not perfect
I'm lost trying to stay on surface
being present ***** too
can you lay up w me so I can love on you?
I don't know what I need
I don't know why I bleed
I did it to myself...
I was trying to tell you but you left me to deal w it
I'm too much to understand, I know it
I'm feeling it all
trying not to seem dull

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

so deeply into you I see the liquor losing you.
I show out I show off nothing unusual. caught up in the mix got you so comfortable.
I kiss to save you, passionate I can't tame you
*** w you drives me insane just makes me lose everything
my mind my body,
my soul - has been touched w such lust
*******, I feel the rush
two bodies become one within this sin.
don't think you can relate
sorry not sorry ya homie don't have what it takes
Or have you ever had that touch
soul ties ****** me up
Lord I beg for mercy to quit
I know you see me self ******* to our memories & ****.
can't help how she makes me lose it..
my mind, ...forever abusing it.
you came for me for me I came for you so tightly my body lays on top of you
Hate how much you know me inside & out I'm still questioning how this all came about....
I lost one.

you only love me when the sun down
you only love me out of town
you only love me when no one is around
i used to be offended but i'm flattered
i guess i'm around when it truly matters the most, when you lonely and just want some company close
i see you at your worst and i'm delighted to bring healing and such feeling
...to your soul.
forever in my arms i'll hold; your thoughts, your cries and my favorite, your childish lies.
under the influence can be the blame i think it's a shame, we got excuses after excuses but i guess i'm used to the motions, forgot it's the wave to never show true emotions
no need to front i know wassup, just know the more you fight the harder it is to stunt
it took me awhile to understand this feeling, the actions behind this lust always left me w no true meaning.