******* I am ****** up
I'm sick and I'm dying
I'm lost and I'm sighing
I wish I could start crying

Every word you say is true
no one knows me better then you
I wish we could start a new
and you didn't think I was ****** up too

No where or one is home
...Alone
Forced to roam
With other's sins I try to atone

I feel like it is useless trying
No point in crying
I don't want to be lying
But no one would take me in with all the pain I am confiding

It is worse then dying
And with every day the future becomes more terrifying
For now I must face every thing on my own
...Alone

I love you so much I can't resist
You make my feelings twist
I want put on a show
And be the one you kissed

I've bin watching you like a crow
You didn't even know
I can't believe thats some thing you missed
Because of the ways you make me glow

I was always some one you dismissed
But I will persist
I find you too fascinating
I won't desist

I will lie in waiting
Don't worry I'm not hesitating
I am just looking for some where for our love to be consummated
Preferably some where isolating

I want to get you stark naked
You will be the sweetest thing I ever tasted
You will finally be grateful
For helping your love for me be liberated

You will be my little angel
I will be yours and faithful
You're going to be stimulated
I promise it won't be painful

You're hurt
You're tired of fending
You have become an introvert
Who's always defending

Tired of always looking for something real
But you can no longer feel
Because everone is trying to steal
You're heart instead of lending
You can no longer heal

You have become weak, Meek
You feel like a freak
You're no longer unique
You no longer seek

Love
God above
A group to be apart of
Any one that gets close you shove

But your not dead
Healing takes time
Move ahead
Life's a mountain that you must climb

Sure your sore
And life's become a chore
But your strong
And life is long
You'll endure
Soon you will restore
And soon will be asking for more

Little boy in blue
If only you knew
What you did back then
Changed me and you

You were always so happy
You ran all over the place
Your home life was scary
But it never showed on your face

You had so many friends
You thought would be till the end
Until you moved away
And alone you had to fend

Life became so scary
You hated being home
But here there was bullies
Who wouldn't leave you alone

Over time you grew
Into the man you are today
But still I wish I knew
Who I would have bin if I stayed

Birds of a feather flock together
Birds who have a lover fulfil each other
Birds with a nest get some rest
Birds who are alone are left to roam

I have bin lost for years
Thinking it was a brave new world
And all I needed to be happy was soma
But I have lived a life that has brought many to tears
And to me it just felt like a coma

Sounds reverberating in my ears
My eyes have bin forcefully unfurled
A rotting putrid smell replacing the sweet aroma
I must awaken to face the horrors and my fears
Because if I don't make things right no one els is gonna

Love is a game
Causing sickness and pain
But even though most of us have lost
We play it again

But I can not lie
Don't ask me why
I'll pay the cost
And play till I die

I feel my wheels turning
I feel my heart on fire
But why am I still waiting
For events to transpire

I'm torn between my spirit
My need to be a machine
I have so much passion I can feel it
But it is still left unseen

What am I missing
Why can't I crack the code
I hear my self hissing
Why wont I just explode

Maybe I should just rest
And let my passion go
Maybe I should stop being compressed
And just let my spirit flow

You are my fantasy
I am drawn by your gravity
I love what your presenting
You are never ending

You are so confident
I hear that your competent
I think about you as I dream
You are more then you seem

You can make my heart wither
I want you to kiss and slither
I can't explain why
You make me want to die

You are extraordinary
I want to be tortured in your purgatory
I want to pay for my sin
You make me crawl out of my skin

You are for ever seen
I want to scream
I want you to be with me
You have no place you would rather be

So this is my life
I am... here
Not much left to be feared
Not much flesh left to be seared

A mind full of depression and hate
A body for all that to presentate
And to take also take any thing life has to reciprocate

But I still learned nothing from what people in my life demonstrated
And yet I am still devastated
If I knew life was tainted then why am I so degraded
So frustrated
So mutilated
So... Lost

I could give it a retry but why
I could say good bye but why try
I could die but why try and say good bye when they wont even let you die

And so I am here
To dead inside to shed a tear
With allot more of life I have to endure
And the only thing I have to find a cure
Is what is here

I wish I could cry
I wish I could escape my fears
But sadly i am ready to die
After all of the abuse over the years
I wish I could end it with tears

Never see
Never be seen
Never be free
Never know what it means

Never touch
Never feel
Never know too much
Never know whats real

Never ****
Never make war
Never let blood spill
Never have a fire burn to your core

Never listen
Never hear
Never know whats missing
Never know who's near

Never ending
Never let some one close
Never start mending
Never know who loves you most

Never be good
Never be bad
Never reach adulthood
Never be sad

Never Cry
Never die
Never ask why
Never say good bye

Never ever
Never ever again
Never ever forever
Never ever forever again, let Never End

Fast times
Fast crimes
All the things I have done
Could last many lifetimes

When your walking and alone
I will get you and crush every bone
They will never see you again
But my spree will never end

I am the one your hating
and your the one I'm baiting
But if your hesitating
Its going to be devastating

I'm hiding where you can see
And for that you must pay the fee
I won't even let you make a sound
As I take you down

You should have bin more superstitious
Or at least suspicious
You would have seen I was vicious
I'm not complaining cause your delicious

I know when your near
I can smell your fear
I like the way you fight
Do you like the way I bite?

No matter how you try I can't be castrated
I'm what your nightmares created
You will be dominated
And your remains desecrated

No matter how you try
I will never die
I will always be free
But just watch out for me

Kiss Kiss Kiss
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
**** **** ****

Gods of Crimes
Lords of the Rhymes
Birds of a feather
Destroy together

This a war to wage
And if you make front page
Ha, your ******
Because then your locked in our cage

And when you think you are alone
Thats when we go unknown
You will stumble into us as we engage
I hope you have a sense of humour
Because if not then all I for see is rage

I hope you don't cower
Because we're drunk with power
I check the front page on the hour
And if you make top WOOPTY ******* DO! I hope your not sour

I live in the most beautiful kingdom
In the middle a Crystal Castle
Its a land full of so much wisdom
But living in it is such a hassle

All the plants glow
They are such a beautiful sight
But I cant stop them grow
Because I can't trim some thing made of light

Every pond of water is a beautiful blue
But looking in, there is no reflection of you
Going swimming is some thing I wouldn't try
If you ever did, you would realize you are falling through the sky

Every person here is the most beautiful person you ever knew
The men are so handsome, the women so fair
But every persons a statue
And they always stare

My Crystal Castle is always meant to last
But its hard for me to live for ever when its made of glass
Every little corner is as sharp as a nail
I alway ***** my self and leave a ****** trail

The sun is so beautiful it always makes me think
Its the kind of beauty that I always wish to strive
It burn the sky to a lovely pink
But tries to burn me alive

My kingdom will last forever and will always be my home
But its the ugliest beautiful place
I am forever stuck in here alone

I remember love
I remember it tasted like sugar
But as I look back it tastes bitter
And the more I think of
All the sensual dances are now satanic slithers

He is my star
Our ever lasting Inferno
His heat travels so far
But its always a fair dispersal

I can see that every one is infatuated with his ways
But I know that every one is jealous
because it is I alone that holds his gaze

Looking at the stars
We stay up all night
He thinks this make him not special
But no one else shares his light

His heart is so full but not of me alone
But that's why I love him
Because he cares for every one in his home

Over the years planets were gone
But in him I saw the biggest change
He couldn't help all of them
So he increased his Range

Over time he burnt me
But I could stand the heat
I was with some one who could preform an extraordinary feat

Soon his eyes started sinking
His body started to collapse
But he never made a whim
He would not let him self relapse

If only will power was all he would need
But soon he was a Black Hole
And he needed to feed

I was the first to go
And I saw it in his eye
That it destroyed him
It was hard to see him cry

He killed us all and even though it sounds sad
He shined his light upon us
And made our lives not so bad

My brain withers away
As my soul slithers out my mouth
My eyes set for another day
As I Fear of wealth
Fear of what to say
Fear of finding another way

Courage to find whats deep inside
Courage to break through the bind
I Prove I don't have hide
From whats in my mind

My heart liquefies
My eyes melt under the sun
My body synthesize and crystallize
As I slowly become one

Baptizing
Water rising
Your freedom comes today
Because you can float away

When a drug addict is tried of all they of done
Tired of being on the run
Tired of the pain
Tired of hurting every one, and being dirt once again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

When a little girl realizes she can no longer be a dancer
Tired of not getting an answer
Tired of the pain
And tired of never wanting to hear the word cancer again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

When some ones lover is gone
Tired of trying to move on
Tired of the pain
Tired of feeling like their heart will never dawn again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

I promise there is nothing that you will miss
Embrace Deaths kiss
You will only feel bliss
As you sink down the abyss

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

I write a poem
I put it away so no one can see
I write a little poem
to take away a piece of me

When life becomes too much
and it wont let me be
When I have no one as a crutch
I write a little poem to set me free

I open up my mind
I let the words flow
and soon I find
I have a place to go

When you're heart is heavy
when you're skin is thin
if you show some one your little poem
then you can let them in

We all have dreams
And some times they seem so far
But some times it feels closer then it seems
When you have some one there

The people in your life are pillars who bring you up
And bring you around
But some times their on top
And hold you down

I have dreams but I rely on people who aren't there
Some who give me shove
Some who don't care
Some who give me love
But I still feel despair

As soon as i wrote this poem my heart went in my throat
Because I will always know
It doesn't matter what I do or what I wrote
As long as I am alone I am as high as I am going to go

(Version 1)
No one can solve all their problems on their own
But I have bin left behind
Alone
With a broken heart
A disheveled mind
I wish this wasn't my ending but the start
And that there is strength left to find
So I can finally atone
And finally call my self a home
But I remain confined
Alone

(Version 2)
No one can solve all their problems on their own but I have bin left behind alone. With a broken heart, a disheveled mind, I wish this wasn't my ending but the start and that there is strength left to find. So I can finally atone and finally call my self a home but I remain confined alone.

I open my eyes to the open skies
The wind blows away my tears as I cry
I am horrified of the highs and all the times I died
But my fears shed away as I arise
I break away from my mortal ties as I begin to fly
My nightmares are gone and my dreams again comprise
No longer will I meet my demise
For once again I am free to fly into my sunrise

In my self there is a beast
It stays dormant inside
But some times it has to feast
I am the real Jekyll and Hyde

The monster some times comes out
Even though a nice person is who I try to be
It makes me scream and shout
But I always seem to hurt the people closest to me

I try to figure out whats the trigger
Whats my full moon
Because I want to stop what makes me so bitter
And I want to stop it soon

I finally realized what causes this madness
I should have always known
My full moon was kindness
And the only cure is being alone

No one is ever free from the things they do
And for me that is very true
Every time I fail
My skin grows a scale

I feel like the really me is no longer shown
I block people out with a wall
I feel so alone
I as deeper I fall

Some people see some thing reptilian
Some people see a villain
But the one person people no longer see
Is inside to me

I build an building my self a shell
That is escaping me from its hell
But running away from all my fears
Makes so no one is letting me near

I can no longer shout
I can no longer run
I must get out
And pick off every scale one by one

Let me tell you a story
About the boy I loved so
Its not always pretty
But thats just how life go's

It all started at a party
I met him through my friend
It didn't take long
For our hearts to blend

He called me is little dove
He made my heart glow
My mother called it puppy love
But what would she know?

I tried to be careful
But it all happened so fast
I finally felt special
I wanted it to always last

He showed me his favourite songs
We loved to sing along
Some times he would sneak out
And we would watch the stars on my lawn

One of those nights we took it
To a place never before
We were both so nervous
But he left me wanting more

A month later
Nothing felt the same
He start leaving me alone
And treating my heart like a game

One cloudy night
He ended it at the park
He said I just wasn't right
He left me in the dark

It took some time
For the pain to end
But then he committed a crime
And dated my best friend

Over the time I would heal
And all my wounds have sealed
It was just puppy love
But the love I have now is real

Can you even see me?
Do you know I'm here
I peek my eyes through the shadows
Can you feel them as I peer

I have bin hiding so long
I no longer know why I fear
but still I feel some thing wrong
when some one steps near

I am growing slowly stronger
I can't take it any longer
I step out of turn
And again I feel a burn

I don't want you to see me
I don't want you to know I'm here
I slip back into the shadows
And stay close to all my fear

Your leaving?
But why?
I said I was sorry for hurting you
and I didn't mean to make you cry

Remember all the good times we had
Even if they were few
Don't remember times you were sad
And I thought we agreed, those were all because of you

I didn't do any thing wrong
That never seemed like we couldn't fix
I thought you loved that we were like two different songs
That never really mixed

Your mad I don't let you go out
And be with all your friends
But there might be guys there
Your my property that I must defend

You want me to trust you
But look at what you do And how you dress
The only reason I would trust you
Is because no other guy would want such a mess

Your friends must of put you up this
I want to know which on said which
You may say I am a Monster
But your a little *****

My heart stops

You are so sure of what you say
Why are you making me pay?
When did you stop loving me?
I want to know the day

I'm Sinking

I have never felt so alone
We used to share a home
I want to to know what you were thinking
You wont even answer your phone

I'm Sinking ever deeper

What do I have left
My life is a mess
I pray for the reaper
Or at least a little rest

She is Sinking

He woos me with his Charm
How could any one do him harm
I love what he's thinking
In his arms I am sinking

Ignorance is bliss
Thats what some say
But after watching true ignorance
You may feel the other way

This is a true story
It happened while I was young
It was about my puppy
But it didn't take away how much it stung

My family had a dog
Rocky was his name
But one day we got a new puppy named Jamie
And soon they were playing games

Rocky was getting old
My parents said to heaven it would be said
It made my older brother cry
But I didn't know what it really meant

I loved both of my dogs
We had a pretty good bond
But they could speak a language
That only they could respond

When day I came come home
To find rocky wandering around like he was blind
My parents called the vet on the phone
and left me and Jamie behind

That night i had felt some thing
That I had never felt before
I finally understood why people were crying
But Jamie just waited at the door

Ever single day
At the door she would stand
I tried to explain it every way
But she just would not understand

Imaging waiting for a friend
One who would never come back
Never knowing it was the end
And having your heart stay cracked

I think it was all that heart break
And all the fearing
That gave her cancer
Because she wanted the end to be nearing

It was sad to watch
Having her go through so much pain
It felt even sadder
Knowing Rocky went through the same

Soon they came to pet her to Down
My brother held my hand
But in fear Jamie looked around
She did not under stand

It must have bin frighting
What a way to go
To feel your muscles tithing
But still having one thing you needed to know

If only some one could tell her what we all said
You will never ever again see your friend
And soon you will be dead

There is no more to the story
Nothing left I have to say
But I would rather die knowing
Then ever having to die that way

I have always bin running
Running to be free
I can feel death hunting
Hunting for me

I run for my friends
But now my friends are no longer mine
I will keep on running until this ends
I know I am close to the end but I just need more time

I feel so alone
I want some one to lend me a hand and tell me its ok
I wish I had a home
I wish I had a place to stay

I can always feel him
Feel him one step behind
I know he's on the brim
He's on the brim and soon he will find

I feel him, I'm at the end
He sticks out his hand like a friend
I asked where my soul would send
And he said "on me that would depend"

I knew all along but I didn't want to see
I saw death coming and ran from his spell
But I was really running because of me
Because I knew if he took me I would go to hell

Just surrender
You can no longer defend
Your wounds are sore and tender
It is time to mend

You are not a preteder
This is a mountain you can ascend
Just remember
You will make it in the end

Your depression is so becoming
I feel my heart humming
Death looks good on you too
But just a tint will do

Your misery is a gown
It drives me crazy when your around
You must think I am a fool
For being so in love with you

Anxiety is a lace
I can see it on your face
It pierces your heart
But my heart is where it starts

You are so beautiful and meek
One every man must seek
I want to prance you around
For more flaws to build you're gown

I am for ever alone, Sailing out at sea
Until I heard a beautiful song and it was directed out at me
I never felt any thing so strong, I wondered who it could be
I slowly saw her sitting on a rock and I was about to pull out my ****
Until she started to flee

I have never seen any one so beautiful and yet so strange
She had a fish tail that helped her get out of range
She was so lovely and frail that it made me feel deranged
Then I saw her bare **** that sent me into a fit
Until she turned around to make an exchange

She sang to me that she would no longer flee
But if I wanted to hear more of her song, she wasn't going to come to me
She wanted to make my **** long but I would have to come with her under the sea
I am not as stupid as I sound, I know I would drowned
But right now there is no where I would rather be

I said we could take it slow as I started to dive
She said you must not know, if you love me down there is a hive
I said lets go, even though I knew I might regret this shrive
She took me down and more swam around
But then they started to eat me alive

As they fead I started to dread
I started to bled and knew I would soon be dead
But then my first mate pulled my out and my wounds he started to med
And slapped me and said "thats what you get for thinking with the wrong head"

For ever after that day I was never the same
I will never for get her song, or her game
I knew she was wrong but my heart she did tame
I feel so defeated and beaten, I would have rather bin eaten
Then to ever have to feel this pain

I must be a fool
For loving one so cruel
And being faithful
To a monster so hateful

But sill I stick to your side
Because I'm addicted to your rules I abide
And hopefully one day
I'll have the strength to walk away

I want to be the fuel to light your fire
I want to be the drug that gets you higher
Grab your soul
Make you have no where els to go

I want to slit open your chest
Use you as a test
Use you're heart as a machine
Then blow it up with nitroglycerine

We are all empty
But we need some thing to inspire
Lets start the assembly
Lets explode into a fire
Take what we require
Fill every desire
Let this all conspire
And Get a little higher

I used to wonder why we are born
And why we die
Why we laugh
And why we cry
How I can be happy and still have a tears fill my eye
Or have a smile on my face as I am chocked expecting the end is nigh

But as I grow older it is plain to see
It was better to to beat to life's drum
Then to become numb
And have nothing effect me

E E EEE   E    B   A
This is it, im dying
This will be me legacy
It wont be much
But it's worth trying

I am sick of being being alone
I am sick of crying
Let peace be onto me
And Let this be undying

Love maybe a flame
But to others it's smoke
And even though it's stoked
It still remains cloaked
Never to be attained

12:00 am, The 13th of Friday
Under the full moons light
I will end things my way
This time it'll be done right
No need to search
In front of the church
In plain sight
Under the crane's sway
My body will lay

I timed this to message your number
So try don't and call
As you slumber
I will fall
And with a  swan dive
I'll end it all

I don't want a grave
No one to save my ash
No a funeral or mass
And if my soul refuses to pass
I want to be drugged to end any pains
Plugged into my veins
And then to be unplugged
With my young brother to own my art and property that remains

I wish this wasn't the end
But it was a fate I couldn't defend
Since I had a father
Who did more then viciously beat me since I was a toddler
And a Mother
Who saw saving me as an inconvenient bother

But I hope you don't cry
Even though I will die
I will always be your baby bird
But at least now I can fly