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There's a sound within my chest but I just can't figure out what it is
and I think it's the memory of you that's making me exasperated
but the lack of motivation tells me it's something more.
Don't try to tell me you can fix me when my scars are wounds that
only bleed more and never heal, and don't say that
you know the sound of your mind racing through the dark because
I know my tears could sting through your chest and rip your heart.
You say that sometimes we have to get through it
but something tells me your words don't recoil
into you as much as you'd like to believe, and I'm sure the last time
you thought that was when you were six and life
was okay.
The night is as hollow as the day I turned from a flying bird into
one so injured it forgot how to fly, and the sound
my breath makes is frightening because the room is so empty
not even the remnants of my memories can cling onto the wall.
He looks at me and says cheer up but how can I
when the noise in my rib cage won't stop?
Every time
you look at me,
I see
the future.
β€œA man is about as likely to ask for help for depression as to ask for directions, and for much the same reason,” said Real, who struggled with his own depression issues. β€œIt's part of the male code, part of masculine culture.”

~~~

when they ask,

I say, parrying fast,
how you doing?

to the persisters, I mutter fine

which is 100% correct...



been fined for the accumulated

made-mistakes, wrong forks taken,

the weight invisible but the

body sags, nonetheless...



you know they know,

you know their thoughts,

why doesn't he snap out of it,

after all he is a man,

he has always been

what we needed,

why can't he

just go back to the person prior...



this code, is not law,

ten times worse,

genetic and culture passed,

double ******,

code so real, like the headaches,

the nightmares, that forbid equanimity...



not true,

we don't expect that of you,

thankful for all you have done,

but eyes betray,

a simpatico misunderstanding,

the instillers, can't take back

what they celebrated previous...



the signals everywhere, few ascertain,

cause the rule is never complain,

don't go near windows,

lest the sunlight diffused, offers no cheer,

but escape temptation ever on offer...



forgive yourself, someone intones,

but what infects my bones,

is non-responsive to the forget antibiotic,

which does not come in pill format



ask me for directions,

I will talk/walk you to your destination,

but when I'm lost,

I'm just a lost man,

who needs to do better,

forgetting is not in my DNA,

but lost is...choking on expectations

of being everyone's savior,

with no one to save you from yourself...
In the dying embers,
where the flames were just a memory
and the heat that was, became a piece of
history,
on the corner of the mantelpiece, her
picture stood for all to see and
I grew cold,
shivering with anxiety.

At
3 am she rang to say,
that she'd be home later that day,
no explanation or apology, and
the heat that was
cooled into history.
Sometimes, we just have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we have to, but because its the right thing to do.
Believe Me.
I Love Him Deeply
I Love Him So Much I Want Him To be Set Free
All i Give him
Is Disappointments Pain and misery
I Want Him
To Be With Somebody That's Opposite Of me.
A Normal Girl
No issues No Addictions
A Lovely Girl Thats Experienced With What Love is
And How To Act & Be in a relationship
Matured Smart successful
I Feel letting go
Will Be A Good Thing
Not Towards My life
But his
Because his lifes Worth more than mines
I'd Rather Want Him With A Real women
Than To keep him
And drag him through all my
Complicated b.s
See a Better person
By His side
And live happily ever after
He's My Prince Charming
But i Wasn't His Cinderella.
Maybe That's Why our Relationship is Complicated
Because i wasn't the one he first wanted.
My wonderful & Beautiful Grand Parents Jordan & Dorothy RIP                                              
Sometimes it's still feels like you are still with us.
Almost 11yrs since you both left us.
Although you are up there with the angels, your love, caring ways,
wisdom you instilled in all of us and the love you gave us still lingers deep in our hearts.                

All that you were, your smiles, your talks,
and loving words and how managed to put smiles on our faces
No matter how sad and blue we would be feeling,
Your encouragements about life, and your giving ways is what inspires me to be a better person.
Even though you are gone and I can stiill not accept that you are really gone,
Your souls and spirits watches over us.
You are truly missed.
All your grand children still misses u a lot.

All my love your big baby granddaughter Mimmie ***
For my wonderful & Beautiful Grand Parents Jordan & Dorothy RIP
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