I have within me
a thousand year's worth of want —
and an empty bed

oh i look alive sure
i should do
but i am a blur
of high and not being
sober
i refuse to exist sober
aerosol and ****
food is scarce
i never feel like eating
i want to curl up and cry
anytime, all the time
nothing matters
not me
not the ghost of him
not the ghost of all my sins
nothing matters but the up
smoking and huffing and cutting and crying
laughing and smiling like it does
when your watching them
knowing their watching you
destroying yourself

I should've held you tighter
Should've held your hands more often
Should've tell you how much i love you,
Should've tell you how much i care.
I should've kissed you
Should've give you more attention

There's so many things i should've done,
But didn't because of my egoistic self

I fell for a poet
An expert with his words
By night a whisper,
By day unheard

I fell for a poet
A hazy, giggly dream
A little boy in a teenager's body
A life ripped at the seams

I fell for a poet
Who's writing love poems I'll never read
For someone else in his life,
Anyone but me.

I fell for a poet
So I'll wait, quiet as the sea
For this feeling to fade
Or for him to fall for me

i think about you all the time
you always manage to cross my mind
in the dark
at school
with my mom
with bee
i see you everywhere
i am always reminded
you did not love me
you didnt really get to know me
and i know you will never see this
i know you wouldnt care
you thinking of me every now and then
is not reward
but entirely painful.