Confusion
It settles over me
Not like cherry blossom petals on a still lake
But more like how lighting strikes tall figures lying between the atmosphere and the relentless floor, trying to stand its ground
He tells me I'm more beautiful than all of the sunsets and sunrises
Clearly, his blue eyes have never seen the beginning of autumn.
He asks me to come over
He wants to spoil me and give me treats
I'm not a dog, darling.
He wants to kiss the indents in my cheeks
Smother me with affection, I think.
But then I remember her.
I wonder if she's well, if they are collectively well.
Clearly, something is missing from her.
She is so dainty and careful, and I don't even know her.
I know she must swim with her head above the water, but I am guessing soon she will drown.
Her wits are more than a series of books, however, she's clueless.
She may have a perfect complexion.
She may be unique, with an ethnicity I'd never be able to own
She may, speak swiftly of her problems, instead of shoving them to the bottom of the ocean
Which of course is something I've always been guilty of
So
Why is it that he runs to me at night with a bouquet of complimentary thoughts???
Why is it that he reads me his poetry at midnight?
"You're so easy to talk to." He says.
Maybe everyone is looking into the doll house and seeing two perfect figures and small acts of kindness, affection.
But when the lights go out, things get ugly.
Back to confusion
He says he loved her, but he always comes running to me
Mixed emotions
I'd tell you I love you in a heartbeat, if it meant you'd never leave me stranded,
Waist high in sand with blood dripping from my forehead
You know that's how he left me, so I can only hope you understand.
What are you doing with a girl who no longer satisfies your needs?
Why is it that love always becomes more complicated, rather becoming silk?
I'm praying someone will answer my questions before I become Ophelia.

I want more.
You know, I wish I wasn't so stupid.
I slipped through fingers telling everyone he was so right for me, but I was wrong.
I fell asleep to the roar of a fan on high and realized that's all I've wanted to be.
I just woke up to my phone going off in all directions.
I don't know if I will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel begging me to come home.
I'm getting nervous and fidgety.
My hands never stop shaking when I think of his voice or his fingertips that were once laced with mine.
 The same fingertips that are now tracing the backs of her neck and carving out her rib cage and I'm sure she laughs.
I'm so hungry for a love I've never belonged to.
I'm so hungry for a love who's hands I was not privileged long enough to know.  
The dreams stop, but sometimes I find myself telling a stranger about the ways he's hurt me.
I once had a dream about a prince who told me he'd basically kick his ***, because I was too beautiful to see broken.
That's the happiest dream I've had since he's been away.
I find myself whispering into my pillows about finding someone who puts me first for once.
Someone, who came to my home when I was upset, just because they knew I needed that.
Someone who sang along to all of my music and not just the songs that they liked, because they knew it made me smile like I used to in warm afternoons when the sun was dancing across my skin.
The days when the sun said "hello," so cheerfully.
Now the sun sits, burning delicate letters of your name into my skin and making me out to be some part of your property.
It feels like the burning of holy water on goblins, and witches.
I wonder how the tip of his tongue feels in her mouth.
I remember how euphoric that used to feel. Sometimes I think if I wasn't so poetic I wouldn't have scared him away.

I saw a boy in the hallway yesterday
He reminded me of you
And not in his looks or his walk
But in what he was
And I swear to god, I've never felt my heart sink to my stomach so quickly
A flash back played like a movie reel in my head
I never realized where I was standing
So close to his face I could touch it with my bare hands
I stood in shock
I stood in awe
And those boys never look at me when I walk past them in the hallways
Ive resorted to eating in the library
At least, I'm thinking he won't gain my thoughts there
If I had a penny for my thoughts I'd be rich
They contain you
And your callused hands
The way the tip of your tongue hit your mouth when you spoke to your mother
How does one get over a broken heart
I am restraining myself
In order to keep sanity
But how the hell are we supposed to keep sanity when the art museum brings me to tears now
Its not a place of beauty and inspiration
But rather a place of broken down memories
A place of haiku's and lost hand holding
Peaking around the corners of the heavy gold frames
Maybe we were always a painting
Everyone had their own opinion on us
Few saw us as "art"
Maybe, the background didn't really bring out the light in your eyes
But mine were a full on fire
Art.
Maybe the brush strokes of your cheekbones were too sharp
Everyone thought the painting was too depressing
A girl, who's hands were melting down her wrists were interlaced with yours
Me at the other side
Can you imagine it?
Can you imagine what is was like to be so blinded by love you never noticed the deep tree rings of age you left over my core
I can't go back to that museum for awhile
The ceiling of the entry way reminds me of you
And how we used to talk about sneaking in and looking up at it like its something interesting
My darling
My past lover
Promise me you'll never take her to the art museum
That place was ours
And I can't stand you taking that away from me too....

I read someone else one of my poems today
And it was a strange thing
I read quicker than I used
I stuttered a bit
Its funny
With you, everything was smooth sailing
The wind never blew
I never came to the waves crashing upon rocky water
I didn't get a round of applause at the end, but instead a gaping mouth
Speechlessness.
You always knew the right things to say after I read you my poems

I wish I could leave you a voicemail
But you have me blocked
I wish I could send you a message
But again you have me blocked
I'd send you a letter
I'd send you a ******* carrier pigeon
Just to get a response
I miss your handwriting
Hell, I miss your hands
And the veins you had on your left arm
Seemingly protruding and beautiful
My friends make fun of your looks to make me laugh
... But to be honest, I'm still in love with how place your hands on the counter and lean in a little closer when you're talking
I remember the way your tongue touched the roof of your mouth
And the squareness of your teeth
And the way a lisp came out sometimes, but it was always so faint no one could really hear it, unless they listened close enough
These were the times when you couldn't even hear the leaves rustle.
You have a bad reputation
But hell, I was willing to love you through it
That poor girl
She knows what she's gotten herself into
But she's too in love to dig herself out
Yeah, try killing yourself
Run to him with a blood stained dress
Shout into the void
Scream "help me!! Help me, baby!"
But he'll stand there and laugh
Shoving his hands into his pocket
And then he turns on his heal and walks away as if you didn't just have a heart attack
As if this wasnt his fault
He's like a car crash
He's like being thrown out through a car window and flying until you hit the hard, cold earth
And you were flying
But now you are falling
And you're gonna hit the pavement
Sweetheart he's going to leave you
He's the drunk driver
He's the one who's afraid of being caught by the police
And that's just a metaphor for the girls hes ******
Darling you are more
You are more than a petty side dish
He has a whole feast, sweetheart
You aren't the main entre
Now someone's stabbed you with their fork of truth and it's not him
The truth hurts, doesn't it, baby?

I used to run my hands along your sides
Tracing your rib cage
Placing my fingertips along the hard contours of your chest
And you used to get chills
I drove you crazy
But I'm smiling
Because at least I remember one time I made you feel at home

I woke up at 3 am last night
Due to dreaming fits about you
And I guess some things never change
And I suppose my heart is still aching from the last stitch taken out
My chest cavity is caving in because
You never allowed me to heal
You never, gave me time to evaluate everything
You just said it was over
And maybe that's why I still dream about your taunting, red lips
Or your god like body
Or your finger tips tracing the backs of my palms
I know I've said it a million times
But there's a small part of me, deep with in all the vines and leaves,
Underneath the damp sand
Where a small voice is shouting out my love for you.
My apologetic ways have become prayers to an unknown figure
And I liked that we used to have that in common..