Why do I let you close?
All you do is cause me hurt.
The sweet caresses and times you hold me to your chest
They never last as long as they should.
You smile at me in such a soft way
Something I never see you do with anyone else
But then you just have to go and **** some random girl
Your adventures open to the world
Why do you have to hurt me this way?

I know you’re not mine.
You never were.
But that didn’t stop me from loving you.
It won’t stop the hurt.
Sometimes you make me feel like I’m on Cloud Nine.
Every other moment, though,
I feel like I want to die.
Why, dear?
Why do you enjoy causing all of this hurt?

I shouldn’t care. I’ve only known you for 22 days.
Why do you have to power to hurt me this way?
You are an enigma to me
You are a complete mystery
So how can you understand me better than anyone else ever could?
You’re more than I could have hoped
You’re more than I thought I wanted
You’re everything I need
And somehow I’m still not good enough. Somehow, you’re still not mine.

Why do I still let myself hurt?
Even I cannot answer that, dear.
I guess my heart will never learn
Not when it comes to you, dear.
You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met
Yet somehow I just want to live within your soul,
I want my lungs to fill with your scent, always,
I want to feel you beneath my fingertips,
I want to love you and be loved by you, forever-evermore.

Despite all of this pain
In light of all the hurt
You still keep coming back.
You acknowledge how deeply I care
You know how much I hurt
You know how easily I worry
And you still refuse to stop the hurt.

Is this what you wanted when you came here?
Is this what you imagined from the start?
Did your heart race and your head spin
As you watched me fall apart?
How much does it hurt now, love
When all of my love has been ripped from your heart?

You toy with me
Expect me to remain always, to simply be;
To wait for you for as long as it takes
If I could find someone else, love, don’t you think I would have?
You’re the only one for me, love.
I hope that you understand.
Maybe you will, one day,
After you’ve finally washed my blood from your hands.

Honestly
You make me numb
Like I don't know whether I should scream or cry
Do I walk away?
I feel like I am going to die
You bring out the worst of me, dear
Despite everything, even when I'm numb
Even when I am colder and harder than ice
You manage to break through the surface and hurt me
Even through this lethargy and dull ache
You hurt me so good, it aches so well
And yet I just want it to stop
You make me numb, but you break through it too
Honestly
I just wish you'd stop.

Stop acting like you care.
Stop pretending I matter.
Just let me go numb.
Your beautiful words scatter in your absence
And there's nothing I can do to protect against their sharp fragments.
So just stop, why don't you?
Let me go, allow me to stop feeling
For anything would be better than constant aches and pains when you're not around.
After all of this, our time has been short
And somehow it feels as though I've known you for years.
Why can't I numb myself against your smiles and laughter? Why can't I harden my heart against your soft reassurances that you care?
You don't act like you do.
You ignore me for days, without a single explanation or word
Then pop up out of the blue, with maybe one word
You don't answer me when I ask if you're okay
And when I say that I'm not,
You don't even bat an eye.
Let's face it, dear:
Even though it was never me
It was always you.

I wear all black
My eyeliner is sharp as a knife
My laughter is melodic and has a nice sound
I’ve never been kissed
And I hate the ache over something I shouldn’t be able to miss...

My tongue is silver and seems to have a mind of its own
My lips change color depending on my mood: red, taupe, black, purple, blue;
I love to cuddle and receive hugs
It may seem ridiculous to you, love,
But you’ve had it all
Yes, from the very start.

I don’t want to be called a crybaby
Not for the connotation it receives
So instead I build walls around my heart
I bristle and joke
Despite the ache in my chest
For I know that I cannot be strong forever.

I only hope you won’t be around when I break, love.
I don’t want you to see me fall apart at the seams.
You deserve to know the best of me
For the worst is hard to understand.

Please don’t cry for me, love
I am not broken yet
I can still spit fire from my lips and utter curses from my tongue
I remain steadfast in this prickly facade
Because if I don’t, I cannot say what you will do.

So I refuse to be a crybaby
No matter how many times it hurts to see you with someone new
I have wept over you enough, love
So now I must harden against the world
Before I become utterly undone.

I will not be your crybaby
Even though you only care when I’m nearly falling apart
You thrive off of other’s suffering, so that you may be their knight in shining converse
You seek those in need, you prey on the weak...
I don’t want to be just another conquest
Just another score
I wanted something else, love
With you, I’ve always wanted more.

Guess what, love?
I’m not your crybaby
I will die before you will know
Exactly what it is that you do
that makes me weak in the knees
For if I were to voice my thoughts, you would roll your eyes and mock...

I hate that you make me your little *****
That you make me want to bawl my eyes out when you come in with hickeys that have no name
You’re. Not. Mine.
You’re just a stupid *******
So why do you make me your crybaby?
I hate this feeling of weakness whenever you’re near
I used to be such a ******* badass
But here I am, buried under five blankets,
Hoping my roommate doesn’t hear me as I cry my eyes out,
Forevermore, over you.

It is the color of freshly spilled blood
It is the shade of love
It is the hue of vegetables and fruits
It colors the world in vibrant notes
It tells us to stop, to take heed;
It warns of danger, it tells us to rejoice
It shines in the lips of lovers and friends
It flickers with the dying sun
It clothes everything in twilight
It is the color of many nations, young and old,
It is the doom of us all,
But, also, the hope.

Lips like scarlet
Hair like spun gold
Eyes that flash silver
A heart that is never cold

She tries so hard to hide it
For, if only they knew
She would be butchered alive
For the pain she feels for you.

She feels so deeply
It cannot be undone
She tries so hard to become dead inside
But truly, she has a heart unlike any other one.

She feels the movement of the earth,
She understands the spin of the skies
She hurts for those in mourning,
She despises those who make her feel.

She loves too deeply, too quickly, too hard
She becomes like the mountain,
But is not as strong
The tears she weeps
As she cries herself asleep
Are evidence enough of that.

She works harder than any man
She tries so very hard
She attempts to keep it all to herself
But these thoughts spill, nonetheless,
Upon the written page.
The hurt, the ache,
It keeps her awake, for in this world
There is nothing under the sun that is worse
Than to feel empathy for those who make you hurt.

As it has been said a million times before,
It was always you.
Despite the endless parades of partners,
It was always you.
Even in the darkest of times,
Even in the worst of times, in the end?
It was always you.
It didn’t matter how many times you would break
It didn’t matter what I would say
The things that you did kept me awake
For, in the end, love,
It was always you.

I wish you’d known that,
I wish it had been you.
Instead of this paramedic gripping my hand in the dark, telling me to hold on, telling me what to do
Instead of these nameless faces that will, to me, remain forever unknown
It should have been you, dear
It should have been you.
Not a young girl staring at me as she screams and cries
Not a couple having to hide their eyes
You should have been here, love
Yes, you should have been here.

If you really cared
If only you knew
You were the only one who could have stopped it, love,
For, in the end,
It was always you.