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Sep 2018
You make me numb
Like I don't know whether I should scream or cry
Do I walk away?
I feel like I am going to die
You bring out the worst of me, dear
Despite everything, even when I'm numb
Even when I am colder and harder than ice
You manage to break through the surface and hurt me
Even through this lethargy and dull ache
You hurt me so good, it aches so well
And yet I just want it to stop
You make me numb, but you break through it too
I just wish you'd stop.

Stop acting like you care.
Stop pretending I matter.
Just let me go numb.
Your beautiful words scatter in your absence
And there's nothing I can do to protect against their sharp fragments.
So just stop, why don't you?
Let me go, allow me to stop feeling
For anything would be better than constant aches and pains when you're not around.
After all of this, our time has been short
And somehow it feels as though I've known you for years.
Why can't I numb myself against your smiles and laughter? Why can't I harden my heart against your soft reassurances that you care?
You don't act like you do.
You ignore me for days, without a single explanation or word
Then pop up out of the blue, with maybe one word
You don't answer me when I ask if you're okay
And when I say that I'm not,
You don't even bat an eye.
Let's face it, dear:
Even though it was never me
It was always you.
Written by
Ariel  20/F
       Em MacKenzie, --- and Carrie Crusoe
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