glimmer of a thin thread
mind to mind
nothing else
guilt for feeling close
seeing something out of need
to unsee everything else

hey

hi

can you hear me?

I think your video is off but yes

okay

task one

item three

did that just happen?

earnings call tonight

I voted during lunch, too

task five

item eleven

what happens now?

I’ll share my screen, can you read it okay?

glad we’re almost done with the project

what happens next?

I pick up
he screams, I don’t know what
he threatens, he spins thread
I plead. I say sorry, I don’t know why

“have you taken your medication?”
wrong question, wrong time

I receive a list of tasks to perform before sundown
1. remove these friends
2. admit to these things
3. give up my dreams
3. …give up me

swallowed by the waves, never to be seen
smiling when he chose me

he doesn’t take his shirt off anymore
he never really liked to, but now he never does
“I’m sagging. I have wrinkles,” he says through beautiful crows feet and a sad grimace wrapped by dimples lengthened through smiling as hard as he lived
once, he was young
messy, poor-intentioned, headstrong, mean
when his smile lines started staying
it was new

are you ashamed you became an antidote?
or that you were once poison?

i've been telling a few of my friends lately
how our bodies will never meet
and how the first time we talked, you showed so much to me

i know your least favorite meal
i know the traits you detest
but i don't really know anything

you showed me so much
to distract me from what you wanted to hide

i know you feel safer inside

You stopped touching my bones when you couldn’t see them anymore.
I healed my eating but you found a thinner, older replacement.
We don’t touch anymore, but you chalk that up to the place we live.
We moved away, and I didn’t see any changes.

So what’s next?
What is left to keep you away?
I fixed my temperament, I moved, I stayed through the hatred.

So what’s left?
What is still keeping you attached to me?
What do I have left to give when we’re not on vacation?

What’s next?
What’s left?
I can’t see it, so please tell me if my information is dated.

i spent so long being told i had only poison in my heart
that i did not let you see the love i had for you

i had been convinced my love was a black ichor
corrupting and unclean

what you saw was me shut away and leave
when all i wanted to do was run to you and feel safe again