"My mother warned me about smoking cigarettes, so I never put a cancer stick between my teeth. But she forgot to mention the boys with dark eyes and smiles that make you weak in the knees. The funny thing about addiction is you don't know you're hooked until it leaves. It's been three years. But how can I move on when there are still traces of you in my lungs, leaving no room for me to breathe?"
-Kahla Mercadante

Once upon a time a young boy who seemed so happy, died.. But it was by a blade
and tears that he tried to hide.

His funeral was full of people who made everyday bad
His bullies, his abusive boyfriend, and his alcoholic dad

Well on that day
They buried a boy that they never ever actually knew.

I sit in my corner of lies,
It's these four walls I despise.
Everywhere I look I see a glimpse,
Of everything I seem to miss .

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

These walls are crumbling faster now
This I wish I did not allow.
I'm swimming in this thick sea of lies
My excuses I do not buy.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

The walls have tumbled to the ground,
My common sense; its nowhere to be found.
One lie leads to another,
Now more than every I need my mother.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

I know there is not anything I can say,
To change what happened that day.
Who I am I trying to fool?
It's my emotions that mask, rule.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

"Sorry" is the best I can do
Its the answer I never knew till now
It's not my fault,
it was you who broke our vow

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

Don't tell me how to cope, to feeling
I deal, how I deal.
I'm no longer associating myself with you,
My life, wall to wall,
just keeps on crashing because your so untrue

You lie
You cheat
But it's me you cannot beat

You scream
You cry
But to me you cannot successfully lie

When i was a little girl;
I thought my daddy hung the moon..
He worked a lot,
but i had the best daddy in the world.

When i got a little older;
I started to go to my friends' house to play,
But then I'd see their daddies.
Their daddies were home every day and night,
their daddies loved their mommies,
their daddies had time for their little girl..
But maybe,
my daddy just worked a lot...

When i was barely a teen;
mommy wasn't present..
A week later, dad brought over a new mommy,
yet he'd always say how much he loved MY mommy.
Dad, then started telling me lies,
yet I never thought my daddy would've lied to me.

Dad has more time;
for his girlfriends than he does for me.
Before mommy died. Mommy and I,
were his number one girls..

In my years of high school;
My father left and bought a house,
So that I could never see him again.

He still thinks he's daddy.

I think I'm allergic to eating..

       I wake up the next day to
Soft blue blotches on my thighs
       And angry red lines on my hips.

I should've kissed you longer.
Then maybe you would've stayed.
Every time I'm next to you, my heart breaks all over again.

I should've kissed you longer.
But I didn't know it was our last.
Every time I see you talking about her, I physically feel the hurt on the inside.

I should've kissed you longer.
And maybe you'd still be mine.
Every time I think of you, I can't help but miss you more and more.

She says, “I'm too tall”
Because she thinks she is too big to be held
She says, “I hate my voice”
Because she can only hear herself in recordings
She says, “I don’t know what I'm doing”
Because she can’t see past her shortcomings

But what she doesn't know is that with her head up to my chin she is the perfect size to fall into my arms and be wrapped in an embrace bigger than her insecurities
Or that the low, velvet tone of her voice that dances from her lips could never be captured by a video
Or that her imperfections cower in the face of her all her strengths

And she doesn't know
That I do.