You walked into my room with no sort of respect for me or my belongings and asked me why I was in such a bad mood, I'm certain you couldn't imagine a more descriptive word even though you're n English major, and I had an almost overwhelming need to say 'Because I'm trapped in a world where loving her is not excepted yet abusing your child in every possible way but physically (most of the time), seeing self inflicted scars across her wrists and ignoring them, and driving her to the point where she feels this miniscule, is'

I love you but I will never like you.
I will tolerate you but never more that.
I will cry for you in front of others but never alone.
I will do what you ask but never the extra mile.
I turn my music down slightly but never off for you.
I will go to college but not under a major of your choice.
I love you but I will never like you.

I think,
dream,
speak,
write,
wonder,
ask,
whisper,
reminisce,
romanticize,
talk,
sing,
muse,
recollect,
med­itate,
about you far too often.

What you need to know about me is that i always mess it up.
I seem to be a hurricane, but really i am just the silence before the winds come.
half the time storms excite me, make me feel alive, make me dance, but the rest of the time i am too scared and i can't breathe and the world is too small and too big and everything is going to burn.
People tell me to sit still and breathe slowly and keep my veins beneath my skin, but i can't.
i apologise all the time because i am always doing something wrong. it is an apology in advance, so i can get it out before the words tie my throat shut with ink.
Other people can draw cute elephants and be happy and write songs, but all i can do is write about dead people.
these words are not good.
   they are not elegant.
my handwriting is messy and i can only write when other people don't want me to,
that's another apology.
Sometimes i want to call you but all the voice mails would be me begging you to help me breathe before the air disappears.
the tv is broken by static and no one can hear the queen's annual message.
here, the Queen is a spider web of dark and polish and hooks and curtains and blurry drawings and forgotten chimneys.

Have you ever taken the time to sit back & think about life? The ups and downs, the struggle, the pain. The heartache & despair  
Have you ever laid in the grass and looked up...Thinking...how beautiful the night sky & if there was a place for you out there in the stars.
Have you ever felt abandoned? Like there's no one there to listen to you. No one to help you. No one to comfort you when you're in pain. No one to talk to. Or no one that understands you.
Have you ever felt trapped in your own mind? That the troubles in your life bother you even in your sleep & you can't seem to escape from them.
Have you ever lost someone special to you? Someone who you needed & thought that "if only they were here, my life would be easier."
Have you ever felt so drained, emotionally & spiritually? Like nothing seems to go your way. And it feels like even God has deserted you.
Have you ever felt so stressed that you drop everything & isolate yourself trying to escape your problems?
Have you ever broke down, because you tried to hold so much in & the gravity of your own thoughts start to weigh you down?
Have you ever..burst out in rage, not because you're angry but because there's so much held inside you?
Have you ever been asked "what's wrong?" But there's so much wrong that you don't know where to begin........Have you ever?