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They used to call me the shoe less poet, because even though my mind was never quite in one place, my thoughts always knew where to fall, and I walked with a steady pace. When I called someone’s bluff they didn’t stuff around and after all was said and done. She had come undone and I was the only one there to listen, so with burdened hearts and heavy lids, she bid me welcome into her bed. I kissed her ripped skin raw, and she saw just how gentle another human being could be but she didn’t see how I could possibly respect her if she said no, because a certain time ago a wolf in hot boys clothing had stolen into her heart, but not before ripping her apart.
He had said, consent is ****.
She was 17 with her heart in her chest and just trying to do her best with the subject of objectification and recommendations from her friends to go for it, when he rounded the corner and saw her and saw that what she was was beautiful.
only two points pretty and three points potential love partner, he’s heard stories of what she’s done and how with a certain touch she comes undone, she came undone under his thumb and now the thing is he doesn’t even know what he’s done, but instead he’s said.
Consent, is ****.
So get on your knees, she doesn’t need another reason to heed her mothers warnings that boys will be boys who will beg and plead and lie, but she’s still trying to come terms with idea that she might actually be worth a second glance, another chance, a single dance. He was never supposed to be anything more than a single pleasure, but he put pressure on her bleeding parts and now part of her feels inclined to decide to let him lie down beside her and hide from the monsters inside.
He said. Consent is ****.
Like her ***** is a wave he can ride until the tide of her mind comes to terms with the lies he’s presented her with. ****, like maybe if you stopped to check, when her thighs opened it was because of his vice grip, when his lips met with hers it wasn’t with love, but lust and he must have been drunk because surely a sober man would know better than to force a 17 year old girl to hurl as he shoved himself inside her, hiding his guilt with the lilt and the tilt of his head and his killer line, “consent is ****.” Baby, it might be, baby it can’t be. Because she’s trying to say no but it’s hard to mutter words when his face is curled into every positive memory about this place, when she has to drink her weight in *** to over come the memories of a misshapen youth, you can bet shes begun to become undone, but it’s not in the right light, her brown hair doesn’t shine in the same way that she has in past and the last thing on her mind was the way you grasped her behind and told her that.
Consent is ****.
Like, maybe if she just said yes she could stop bleeding better yet, make a bet that basically says that she’s useless without his hand to help her stand, perhaps if she just said yes and moaned a little louder it would block out the bleeding passage of herself that is begging and pleading and trying to lead herself to show her true colors, which is red. The shade of shame spread on her bed spread. So when I kiss her wounds and slowly wound her around my wrists, I have to take things slow so that I can’t hurt her and puncture her soul because she’s been mangled tangled around lies and this mistruth that was presented to her when you said.
“Consent. Is. ****.”
trigger warning, ****
This
All of this
This browsing in Walgreens when I have no ******* money to spend on makeup or pencils or tampons or iPod chargers or candles or diapers or juice or valentines or matches or tissues or anything
I have no ******* money to spend on anything
I have no ******* money to spend on food or water or air or freedom
And they touch me when I scream DON'T ******* TOUCH ME
And they feed me when I scream DON'T ******* FEED ME
DON'T ******* TOUCH ME
DON'T ******* FEED ME
I'M GOING OUTSIDE INTO THE PRISON YARD THAT STRETCHES ON FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES
I'M GOING OUTSIDE INTO THE PRISON YARD THAT GOES ON FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES AND IT NEVER ******* ENDS
I have no choice but to let them touch me
I have no choice but to let them feed me
Because they can
Because they can
And I am nothing
And I AM NOTHING
GET ME OUT OF HERE
OPEN THIS ******* DOOR
LET ME OUT
DO YOU ******* HEAR ME
LET
ME
OUT
When you were a little girl, did you think love was an easy concept to grasp? Didn't it make you laugh the way that everyone said,
"It's undefinable, it's complicated, it's the root of so much pain"?
When I was a young boy, I used to sift through sand looking for the broken beer bottles
Because I wanted to try and find beauty in something horrible.

So I have done for years.
I've lied, cheated, stolen... sometimes from my own family members.
I used to assume I could pop into your life any time
Like a bad father
And you'd come running into my arms.
Just like a bad father.

When I left you standing at the altar, dressed like June Carter
I remember wishing I could have altered my timeline
So I could be Johnny for real, and we could make it big
People could start writing our names on jail cell walls
"R.I.P. Alex and Sidney"

These are the days where I scatter papers around my room
Pinholes in the carpet from relight after relight
Trying to find the right words to say
To convince you that I'm not the same as I used to be.
I've seen my own eyes gazing at me without a mirror
I've seen galaxies screaming at me and exploding

You pull my heart-strings.
You separate my anxieties.
You are the little bit of crazy within me
And when I let it out it's all sadness and wine
But when you let go, you're just a sugar plum fairy.
You dance and you sing and you laugh like I were a comedian.

Oh, that's right, I am a comedian.

Well, if my job is to make people laugh
Then my last laugh would be you.
This is a bad time, I know
But I still would do anything to rewrite our history.

I can wait a year if you want to run your course
Maybe you'll stay in our little town.

But this poem is to tell you
Your clothes should be in my laundry.
these words spread out,
in letters left but not forgotten
on screens that light up lonely rooms

praying silently
that you will read a deeper meaning
confessions and obsessions
longing for recognition

but in the end
it's more than that

it's thirsting for
enigmatic connection
lusting after
someone
anyone
to unravel

and in turn
to unravel me

someone who won't believe me
when I'm lying to myself
someone who will disentangle
the shadowed shambles
that haunt my bones

I pine for
a soul
to comprehend the corners of my mind
to memorize the knots along my spine

in the end
I cannot fathom
why any soul would try
Once proud
Sullen trees
How sadly hang
Their sullen leaves

Long lived
This mighty oak
But soon it is
To finally croak

Memories sweet
Memories stale
If only it could
Share it's tale

Hark! How it would sing
And how it should weep
A life well lived
His wisdom deep

Lonely now
But not before
Companions plenty
Alas, no more

One by one
Birds took flight
All flying south
To warmer light

And so left
The cheery children
But so remained
The loyal Falcon

For him
Life was dear
And for this tree
He did care

Oaken memories
Days of joy
His best friend
Was but a boy

This boy was young
He couldn't pretend
Doomed he was
To outlive his friend

All he wanted
Until the End
Was to be there
Through thick and thin

His last winter
Has arrived
Death of a tree
It made us cry

On this night
The sun set right
The spirits ready
To perform the rite

Deep chanting
Whispering wind
The tree was ready
No sin left to rescind

Shining brightly
The silver moon
And with the tree
It did commune

Softly singing
In charming harmony
Playing proudly
His past so truthfully

Colors faded
Leaves fallen
The trees final day
Has come and gone
First draft....maybe revise it later?
 Nov 2012 Emily Von Shultz
Emma
In all honesty, I've loved you since I first knew you.
I love you in the ways I don't know how to love
and in the places I don't know how to look for
I love you in the ways it hurts to communicate
and the places eyes are most powerful
and colors, the colors you paint behind you
and wings - I was searching, you showed me roots
and that growth stems from groundedness
and that circles are everywhere

I want to be in a circle with you
It's a sort of unformed dream, where I imagine
I might not need to be constantly moving

I love you just looking at you
eyes soft and
something hidden
we don't need to speak
I just want to kiss you
I will never tell you unless you ask, kid. And even then I won't have the right words. You. Soft-spoken presence. Glitter on the cedars. Glowing shadows. Constant love. Childlike. Manlike. Challenging standards. The art of being. Simple. Complex. Sphere. Rain and jazz. It has now been years, and it is better that you do not know the extent to which I've loved you.
that space between conscious and
                                                            n­ot
I will meet you there
peals of laughter will echo
for we will have escaped
                                           finally,
we will hover in limbo
breathing pure paradox
we will be alone you and
                                               I
whispers will then creep in
through the cracks in our sewn secrets
we never listen to what they
                                                say
yet soon the whispers
sink into our spines
and up through our joints
out our mouths they say
                                            goodbye.
 Oct 2012 Emily Von Shultz
Emma
When the wind blows due west,
through the corn fields, past the seasons,
past years of the world building itself up into cities
past buildings falling down and people re-birthing themselves
past me, hardening through moments of loneliness
swirling around me several times until stone chunks fall from my face and
crumble into the ocean -
I'll wake up and find you

I'll be born in the ocean, next time
there will be other currents that pull me from my center
and push me in random directions
I'll find new explanations
and make friends out of fishes
There will be new expressions
sputtering from my mouth when I touch the air occasionally -
I will long for you

Catching raindrops in my mouth
Waiting for teardrops to consume me.
My body is broken.
Eyes are broken.
My only friends are numbers.
Aching bones, skeleton heart beats -
I will die before knowing you,

I think.
Warm water through fingers hits the sink
and drains.
There's always something to gain.
White ceiling touches white walls.
your name on the white walls

Soft hands : worth callousing
over and starting fresh,
rolling the dice I'd hope this time for a prettier mess
I only want to love
you with your eyes that shade of black
your skin that shade of pale
your hope that shade of never coming back
they don’t notice you feel frail

you left the table with a smile
your hair flowing down your spine
you’ll be one moment, yet that moment lasts a while
they all believe that you’re just fine

you return with eyes all blurry
you forgot to let down your hair
you change the subject in a hurry
you’re too in tune with all these stares

regurgitate your fears
and pray to that porcelain lord
you’ve been praying all these years
to this hell that you’ve adored
so tell me
where in hell is your reward?
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