And now I need a moment of silence to collect my thoughts as well as free my mind. When I catch myself starting to drift of to you my body responds only seen internally. As goodbumps rise and warms washes over me I know iv found someone good to stay around. Maybe not
Forever.

But that's always the gamble.

I would
Hate to give up being able to look into
Your eyes and decipher your mind. To
Have hou hold
My hand softly and whisper sweet tempting nothings in public occasions. This feeling of you in my bed is most as exciting as the fact it's insinuated I can now sleep and clear my head.

You have a dark aura but not that of pain but mystery. Burning crimson and causes pleasures in undiscovered places and unexplainable syncracy under covers. And as opposite as the shapes of of our hearts are, our desires for each others bodies through affection is yearning and we coincide frequently understanding how to fit together our personalities puzzle pieces.


They say opposites attract and baby let me say they do. I seem to always think what it is you can see when you seem not to have anything In common with me. But maybe we can trade stories and learn how each others personas we're made. I haven't felt that look of lust in a while and it's killing me to be restricted from you.

I'm more ways then one.

As each day moves on my lips want to get closer to that forbibbem fruit and damnyself into selfless trust once again. I think of my torso your body and feeling your skin hot and sweaty. Your eyes roll back in a kind of certanty only lovers should feel because love being made in a concept kept away. But if I imagined what it could be like that's what I'd think of any day.  And scratching your back as though to show how much pleas my souls can take.

And as I get lost in surreal daydreaming, longing for your love and lust triggers sweetest appeal to be utterly dangerously pleasing. I think in flashes of slow songs of sensual ****** moments caught in minds designed camera. most images seen through lenses of eyes capture common pictures in black and white while others exhale a sequence of vivid moving memories in most extravagant  clarity and of colors. Like something could dig up my freshly buried time capsules of unwanted and untrusting memories. That I could truly give in to rejecting anxieties.  That night I looked down from the balcony that seems to romeo and Juliet cliché, considering restricted consequences through our eyes locking as minds synapses sync and confirmed risky behaviors that day. I had a trusting instinct about who I thought you were and who you could be. You didn’t want to open up  my legs but  instead led you to my hearts hidden pathway. When your green eyes exposed innocence through talks of hardships and hardest times my heart was tempted to flirt with ideas that you could be mine in future days. But the past only digs up skeletons of your shame
and retrieves relapses and regret working in harmony as old habits become clearly apparently easy to blame. And so we fought like a couple that night. And so badly these feelings I have wanted to fight. But life has ways of keeping your surprised. And gray areas surface like the smoke of being exhaled in your mind. Like a weight around your heart and selfish wishes reside. where others are hurt and  rightful confessions unpleasantly surprise. Where lines are unrightfully drawn but not distinctly determined who's to blame and who's the reliable side. Thinking there are two sides to every story but third party is truth and thinking in a reliable way. What if the two stories coincide and both people are most important in your life and your thinking you’ve been cursed with never doing anything convenient or right. What if I told you I would give up this feeling of dependency chemically with another body, but this choice isn’t an option because the heart wants what it does and it will always overpower minds strong intuitions of being emotionally robbed blind.  And these butterflies floating away in my stomach with wings of woven colors constantly changing like mood rings confirm readiness to give into hearts fight. Away from always being caught in nets like childish games people  like to play and leave shoulders heavy from others burdens disposed of into heartbreaking piles. And thinking of deceiving leaves heart in a fluttering type to its rhythm’s beating. And so sounds of your own drum begin being heard over muffled requests as recognition of what it means to really be not only be hearing, but truly listening.

Preferred  are those conversations accompanied by cigarettes and splifs and misfits sitting where they knew they always should.

There comes a time when cleared minds realize conversations of personal problems and unified disfunction's exposed feels right. As though your ideas of crazy themes and wandering dreams are unified.

Listening to the good die young by billy Joel blasts as slow motions and hand gestures toss stories and emotions like cracking the binding of a books once judged by unpredictable covers.

I connect with people who's skin has sunken ink that tell stories people think need to stay forever by vibrating needles. Piercings on questionable parts like on noses that drip from other kinds of recreationals. that give bad impressions to those cliche stereotyped people. But if we're all the same species then how do you begin to distribute labels?

I believe there are certain people that smoke cigarettes. That need a release knowing risk that with each pack your buying death. But living larger then safe is easily the option that's best.

To fly free through roads just watching others live lives and in  split seconds build their story lines. Like that feeling of peoples first expressions when first meetings happen and the only conversations are those of eyes that frigidly glance back. When you realize everyone is there for same reason. But curiosity is the catalyst for judgement and we have all done that.

I believe there are layers to the soul. Not like designated  pieces and parts but one giant relation that we all hold. It's that common beating of trapped souls kept in that bone cage our chest mold. Each chest holds humanities most sacred vessel so how come so many people turn out damaged and evil when born starting with the same soul?

I'd like that think that our common bind is that we have the ability to breathe. And even when things get crazy and life gets messy and that ability to breathe starts to feel more like your starting to choke at least it's sign your still apart of this earth as a whole and not already six feet deep...

There's something beautiful in the fact your mind makes you who you are.. Or do you make up your mind? Are we all strung up like puppets being pulled on premeditated strings? Or are we morally free willed  where fate is created based off every individuals caged vessels desires and whatever subjective shoulders conscious ends up deciding.

It's funny to me that people have angelic and demonic whispers on opposite shoulders because I believe that they are one in the same. That in reality our conscious is one unified subjective subconscious who has free will to take a ride with the devil but if they chose to live a live of angelic routine the heart gets hurt and your heads to blame.

Because the heart wants what it does but the mind always knows what's best. But what if together they worked the same and the explanation for decisions being made, are based purely on happiness with consequential benefits determined by what's locked inside that bone cage.

When does choosing between what's right and what's easy ever stop giving beatings to the beating vessel a rest.

Because I have never seen them coincide for most instances there's always that contradicting choice. The one you know you've already chosen but if you want everyone to win you will have to personally sacrifice happinesses of the real meanings of life.

The ones that hurt the most but are so addictive they are mentally deadly to any head that's got a heart full of selfish wishes that claw to fulfilled within me.  

Regret is a funny concept because it can always be avoided, that intuition is real and if any instance of doubt or denial is present during, before, or after these ordeals,
you know your accepting the warm rush of blood make it's way home and suddenly your head turns numb and cold. And the only thing to do is uncage that spirit and let it go.

And these constant battles of war and peace have never in history coincided it seems. But what makes you the winner or the losing team? In reality it all doesn't matter in seems, because things happen and If you chose regret and if that's true happiness should anyone put there's souls intentions to rest?

Because hurting are those who believe they would  rather  let everyone else win because being themselves would ultimately hurt others.. And its conclusions like these, they say, you just cannot win. But I grew up when I realized life was really about how your pawn is played. And let's be honest,  Humans have always been the most dangerous game. And ultimately everyone wants to win in a way, but their victory prevents others from reaching their souls restless place.

So this circle of life is that of our species chosen shape. Which makes a lot of sense in minds bigger state.

And I guess that's cool because anyone could say, that we do live condensed on a circle floating in an infinite space, where its never ending and confusingly contradicting , kind of common to that comparison about humanity's constant levitation around mixed messages that mind and heart keep sending.

But in the end were all just spinning. Rotating on sanities axis and gravitationally pulled one way, because that's the way the stars aligned. And that seems quite similar to humanities battle of premeditated fate. So free wills just another excuse for regret shunned away?

But after your feet get planted back in the ground and your mind doesn't feel like it's spinning, that's when you know your true conscious is winning. And even if I there's regret as minds price to pay, let your heart benefit from not caring what decisions it's made.

And for once don't settle by locking it back away in its cage.

See ribs have have rows of entrapment like cell doors and windows but don't they say if god doesn't open up the door he will a window? I think your heart needs to only be able to see through what it can handle. And your mind only cages that soul of questioned decisions away, because it's the one that hurts in longevity and gets damaged with mental repercussions in your head that will always stay. And hearts vessels only know what they've seen through the cage. It will be bruised but like clockwork healing starts and familiar tempting feelings once again become craved.

And anxiety of memories are sent to the brain when the heart wants to start over and relies on its mind to be brave. And sometimes that deceivingly beautifully ****** devil, on your shoulder distributes desired deadly sins your mind is banned from letting it's sweet heart discover.

Which is when it knows it's time to come back down from that beautiful risky heart thumping heaven and evaluate  the damage you have done. And so now I see why hearts and minds don't get along. They desire each others abilities of their methods to stay strong...

I live in a life of winding roads that lead to grassy plains, corn fields, and many different run down homes. It is always gray and makes me feel as though I am destined for this kind of shade.  I am surrounded by the middle class who know a thing or two about unified  working community's  and this causes cool personalities to arise full of stories and surprises. Almost everyone smokes the cowboy killers and we all reside in white walled living rooms with TVs always on to pass the pass the time. Sometimes it's amazing to see what the glow from a tv looks like on someone's face in deep thoughts.
We are people who share conversations with that blessing in disguise because we have scarce options for entertainment. But lucky for me people fill that void. I people watch to see what kind of story I can achieve from just a first quick glance and impression. I drive down roads and roads of tree tunnels that lead to suburban country neighborhoods and gravel Driveways.
I Always did like how the gravel
Sounded under my boots. Simplicity is a virtue. I grew up to appreciate even though my relationship of that concepts is one of half love and half hate. Everyone has secrets that eventually unravel and everyone knows of them. I don't know if I want  to become the adventurous type and leave this boring and oh so peaceful serenity or experience life of a different kind. Is it really about where you are or who your with? This questions seems like a rhetorical paradox because they both mater and they both don't.. And I feel my gift is that I can make time with anyone. I like looking someone I knew for a while and seeing them as how they truly are. This can honestly change their physical appearance depending on what you conclude. And I love hearing peoples stories they spill out like they were waiting on that one person to ask the question I know nothing about. I like discovering those hidden crevices in people's minds and being able to correctly premeditate their preferences In various things I have no previous knowledge about. I like  seeing people open up like a split personality because there are always depths of a soul not even closest of lovers get to know. I carry these burdens on burdened shoulders of my own, but I in reality I know I couldn't have it any other way. Curiosity of others, as my mom would say with always remain I'm your heart like a constant addiction to collecting people.. Or maybe just their stories.
But I find nothing more beautifully cool then sitting and having the ability to make someone let their guard down because they have to know my intentions are good. Or else let's be honest they never would. So in this little town that doesn't know whether it's country or suburban, it allows for different colored people like me to grow up and always have a mysterious day. To see how in such a quiet place people use their time during days. And growing up with people of substance is something only a select few get to experience...

Emily A. Grande

as im naked and lying in bed with you, I allow the reveal of my most exposed parts. not those of my body but those of my heart.

i cling on to your arm and rest my head on your shoulder and this routines not something i had wanted to discover.

its easier to have suitors who do what they need, to get up after selfish  pleasures are pleased. give me fake promises and acceptingly leave. this routine had me feeling empty it seemed.

i accepted that repeated routine and didn’t realize it turned once beautiful hopeless romanticism into a myth for me.

that idea of this was one i thought was irreversibly now sincere . but this time for once i want you to stay over my dear.

those big green eyes that dont look hazed or glassy, have caused me to want and need you for real. you held me and kissed my neck and our bodies tangle tight.
i don’t feel as though this bodies all you needed that night.

i felt pleasure I swore off and didn’t think could exist again.
pleasures pulsing in my body but also mentally in my head.

i am reluctant to passion or emotional acts of this kind.
but **** baby that night I knew I wanted you to be mine.

and as hard as that is for my own mind to understand,
i want you to know that I can contribute to future plans.
that i wont hurt you or deceive you and support and my comfort for you whenever you need my helping hand.

you made me feel like I had someone safe and I wanted to keep the feeling around for always. Please just say my name so heavenly sweet and softly…

but although this feeling has hurt others in turn, I want my own heart to  
finally be able to have what it deserves. and to you I know Id be sincere, sweet and kind.
to your untrusting attitude and damaged heart similar to mine.

and it seemed at first that jaded attitudes are all we had in common. Until you opened up to me and I emotionally let you in.
because for once I wasn’t thinking this wasn’t going to be anything real in the end.

And I unexpectedly loved that sweet feeling of our pressed bodies sharing skin.

when you told me you wanted to be good enough to have me,
Iv have burning desires every time your around me.
I dream of you taking me fast and pushing hard against walls,
And when desire overtakes on the ground we should fall.

Where ill let you take that one part of me I didn’t know I had.
And I know your sweet passion will give up to me back.

Hard and heavy breathing as your green eyes catch mine.
Holding bodies and remaining still as we let final pleasures overtake us and our bodies bind.

And as hot and heavy heat simmers down and subsides, I lie on your chest and feel  my most comfortable inside.

Your arms protectively wrap around me and we temporarily rest.
But this routine of intense amazement will start again fast, because our hearts are finally accepting what we both deserve at best.  

Emily A Grande

I rely on the feeling of smoke hitting my lungs and letting me know that choking on polluted air can clear my head of dark gray thoughts.

Rid it of its worry for a second and let my blood pulse through my veins without heaving feelings sitting comfortably on my heart.

That thoughts of anxiety are just those of memory, and I haven’t actually deceived the real me.

But when I look in the mirror I wonder why its easier to look away instead of ahead because I have to judge my own book by its cover.

My mind seems like my room covered in cans clothes and ashes of cloves from nights that keep my throat stinging and mind buzzing like I have expendable time to give out and expose.

i love late night cruises where street lights are road maps and the clicking of seat belts are signaled confirmations of undiscovered adventures. i love looking out the window and gaging speeds of trees flying past and wondering who else is in the place I'm in. i love turing on the radio and not knowing which genres of music are going to cause induced emotional thoughts and memories brought on by past lovers and significant experiences. i love winding back roads that induce stress of not knowing where to go, but only in the best kind of way. the stress of discovery and unified serenity. i love  premeditated song choices set moods for the adventures we are all going to take. that talks of real things in life flow smooth and rhythmically like the turning of spinning  tires on pavement coinciding with melodies of memories. i love the sound of celiphane removed from packs of cancer sticks and buying dying has never felt so satisfying. overwhelming sweetly harsh smells of gasoline and lit matches. That sometimes in these elements you think back to when you swore off ever trying these bad habits you now can't seem to kick. getting high and driving around neighborhoods looking at dream homes like built houses of cards and wondering what secrets reside inside these covered walls. i love the pattering of my heart down to my chest when i am in a automatically comfortable place iv never seen or been inside. realizations that days like these are in fact the best of your  life because there is no concern for passing time in mind. in this city, where i reside, there are battered homes of love and sadness and winding roads that seem to lead to nowhere of happiness. but when i look out into those vast open fields of half rural living i couldn't think of another place i would prefer to be. that the fact there is nothing but vast land ahead and a tiny bit of sunlight sitting gently on horizons are something someone somewhere else may not ever see. makes me feel overly blessed that is pictured when i think of  beauty, to me.

emily a. grande