My scars are stories only I know.
This is me
This is who I am.
Not just what you see.
I can tell you what happened
But you didn't live it.
There are key elements missing
That no one else can know.
Take an extra second
To think through others humanity
Before you write them off
Or judge them too harshly.

I am flesh and blood and bone
Just like those around me
And so are you.

What was it that brought you here?
What was it that made you stay?
Did you come to find yourself?
Don't let me get in your way.
You're not like most people here
That's how I could tell.
Your kindness sets you apart,
You wear that smile well.
The adjustment must be difficult
From what you're accustomed, to here,
Your courage spoke volumes to me
The echo still resounding in my ear.
Mere moments encompassed our chance meeting
A minute forty-five, at most.
You thanked me sincerely as I left
Our eyes locked.
Yours saying more than your words allowed
And I knew
It was I who should be thanking you.

Children greet me on the street
Like they've never met a stranger.
No one ever told them they're supposed to be afraid.

It wasn't supposed to be you.
Full of life and promise,
That's who you're supposed to be.
That's changed.

The drone of cheers and celebration ring in my ears
But all I think about is you.
You're gone now.
And I'm at a loss for words.

It wasn't supposed to be you.

This holiday can never be the same.
I'm sure in time I'll celebrate again
But not without remembering
This day.
This moment.
The pain I'm trying to drown until I'm left alone to grieve.

Words can never be a worthy enough tribute
To who you are--were--and what you mean to me.

I miss you.

Grief hit me like a wave
Swelling up on the typically calm shore.
But I don't know if I can surf today.
Regret sinks in the pit of my stomach
Your voice echoing in my ears
Deep breaths, just hold it together
My lips are numb, this can't be real.

But it is.
And you're gone.

Fireworks lose their luster,
Dull against the dark of night.
I hear the cheers, but I don't feel them.
How can I when I just lost a piece of my heart?

It's five am in Amsterdam
Far away from where I am
I close my eyes
Let out a sigh
And pretend I'm there again

I was just there
It could have been me
I saw the people
Shook their hands
Laughed among their company
I learned their names
Heard their stories
now how many of them are silenced?
How many so grief stricken
They can't figure out how to breathe again?
But I'm not there.
I'm on the other side of the world
Safe, sound, secure.
But my heart is still there.
It's walking those same streets
It's seeing those same people
I saw only months ago.
It's shaking their hands,
Saying their names,
Hurting with them as though I never left.