a beast is swimming
through pale veins
heavy chains +
blemished skin
irregular heartbeats
conjoined -
creating dissonance,
irregular patterns
in the surrounding
|symmetry|

we intervene
we beg for chaos and
hurricanes
on a beautiful
sunny day

we cant explain why
we can hardly make
a sound other than
our restless sighs
and heavy breath
echoing into eachothers'
ears

i wish you were here.
i wish i knew why

I always ask for
a disruption of peace

That keeps it interesting,
you see

lust is the razor blade
in a candy apple
your unexpected neighbor
gave away with pleasure

and just the same
love could never be simple
love requires destruction
and agony
to create : to exist
and our hearts crave
pain to feel love -
desire to feel impatience
the tug and pull -
dragging eachothers' hearts around
like heavy boots

i've been in love
and i've felt what
it feels to be torn apart:
cell by cell
and to be rebuilt out of
necessity
and i think i've had enough

i think i'd rather
chase you around like a
curious child at a carnival
with no tickets to ride
the ferris wheel.

i'll just stay down here,
rooted to the pavement and safe
watching you circle around me
over and over

if it never began, it can never be over.

it wasn’t you at all.

it was my bedroom.
it was the evening
seeping in, absorbing
light,
i didn’t dare try to make it
right.

i listened to the night.
it sobbed like a
widowed wife,
and i was a child,
afraid to love,
a dad who forgot
and a mom so lost
i watched her rot.

it wasn’t you, not even once
your hands were nice,
ill admit
but i used you.
took your lungs
to fill my own chest.

but i still couldn’t breathe!
how could you do
such a thing
to me?

i gave up everything
i gave up my hopes
my dreams, my life
you became a castle
that i couldn’t leave
i locked every door
and stabbed the key
through my abdomen wall

but i didn’t bleed
i only wept


don’t misunderstand my words
i loved you
so ******* much.
i asked for it.
i asked you to
choke me out
so i couldn’t feel the
self-doubt.

i asked too much of you.
how could a person be
a home to me?

fall in love with the trees,
with the creeks and the
bright blue morning sky
you'll find everything
you’ve ever
wanted there.

it’s freedom
it’s power and
beauty
and love
more love than i could have
ever supplied

don’t hold a finger
like a gun to your
head

you can’t love anything
when you’re dead.

it still burns,
after all these years

awakened, yet tired
my entire life, re-wired
and still a faint echo
could make me collapse

is that you, knocking?
too afraid to speak
a silent hello;
i can hear it, you know

i can sense the itch
and yet you think
i forgot you exist

a fragile mind never forgets
indiana himself,
splattered paint on a shelf,
convertible beach trips

our young minds conjured magic
a lion and a wizard
all alone in the desert

it's too painful to think
even harder to speak

that there's a you
newly invented
that I haven't met yet

It’s such a disease
and I wish it was different, but it’s not
nothing can ever be the same as it was
and I know that now;
I wish I didn’t, but I do.

It wants to grab you and keep you close
And this time, I let it
I like to think that this is different
And that we’re different;
Two minds opposite and still alike
Found a parallel and began to twist and bend, but still we go to sleep when it’s dark
eat dinner at 6 and ride our
bikes through the park

I wish it was different, but it’s not
Some formulas you just can’t alter
As much as I tried to believe
We could leave a strange and unique star in the dark
Still you’re there, driving to work in your car
and I’m here; alone again in the dark

A fear hibernates in my bones

Contract, release,

The moment he touches me.

I flinch and freeze
As I apologize,
And he kisses my cheek
and says it’s alright

But it isn’t! 

My mind knows,
but my body remembers

The disregard and humiliation

That was planted under my skin,

And it grew and grew 

And I’m sorry, now, that it has to be you

To see it.

I place a crooked smile on my face

And hug him gently.

“It isn’t you!” I try to say, 

But I choke, of course.

It’s like a chore:

Forgetting the monster

I once had love for.

I’ll never be able to explain

Why it’s so difficult for me to love
Or why I'm so terrified of the word “love” itself.
I seem to have
Lost every
Ounce of 

Vehemence and 

Empathy
And I’m sorry, now, that it has to be you

To see it.

i live by the moon
a quiet, motionless slumber
until the break of morning
breaks my subconscious masterpiece.

i am alone again.

A lioness with crystals around her neck,
Dances for the world to see.
She’s worth all of the rain in the atmosphere,
She bypasses the stars and gives the galaxy chills.

The sky aches and mourns in her absence,
While she resides in the tundra.
It’s no wonder she hasn’t combusted,
Cracking like thunder.

Bubbling like molten rock,
Still sweeter than lava cake.
She only aches for the quaking sunrise
And unfair, animated compromise.

She stopped breathing years ago,
When the ground became stable
She lives externally and deliberately
Flying through colours agelessly.

She’ll consume you, she’ll ruin me!
The sooner the better.
I've been craving her thunder
I'm yours to ****. Feed my culture.

Enjoying this choking feeling,
Wrapped in silk in an auto-mobile
Filled with pillows,
So we can drive faster than ever.

She likes the taste of epinephrine,
and I like the taste of her alone
She drinks up the world’s drought
And giggles while we sleep, parched and shivering.

...
But god ******, I’d give my only breath to her.
Transparent like a demon; simply human perfection.