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 Nov 2014 ellie
greyweather
Numb of alcohol
Cigarettes
An early morning
Ambition


That's poetry enough to me
 Oct 2014 ellie
greyweather
'Thats true self harm' she said
proud and self announced
like she could comprehend the universe
and that it left her no challenges

that in her 50 years, she had learnt all people
all feelings
all possibilities
and could now group us all like colours in a jar

i left, because it hurt
to think that after everything i go through to explain
the simpleness of 'some people'
discounts all the effort

there is no wrong and right way to hurt yourself
there is only a future
which we endeavour to make hurt less
went to a friends house, only to hear a woman talking about what she thought constituted 'real' self harm, and what was attention seeking. ****** me off
 Oct 2014 ellie
blankpoems
fast forward three years
you're living on the coast binding books and your hips together
and i'm still in the small town that turned me into a sinkhole
you got out though, huh? you got out just fine, you have always been stronger than me
you have always been able to get well and get up without anyone bringing you bouquets of hands

you sit down to explain to her that love has made you reckless, that too many people
have been easygoing with your heart; let it cross the streets alone.
drunkenly leaving it in cabs in other countries
so for a while there you weren't sure who to give it to

my dear, I know now that you were never a hotel I could check in and check out of
you were in the best way possible, the mental hospital,
the time I woke up with nobody but the voices in my head (they were all yours)
(I couldn't leave until I got better)

you tell her you fell in love with a girl who never burned your letters,
who showed love in all the wrong ways, never picked up the phone, "honey", you'd say,
"she was nothing like you" ... "kept her hair light to contradict the dark inside of her,
didn't trust anyone to blindfold her and walk her down the street"
you try to tell her my name, but you can't
you can't remember what they call me, call me, call me,
I never picked up the phone

fast forward three years
you're living on the coast making love and mixed drinks a little too strong
and i'm buried near the sinkhole in town, next to the dog my dad kicked a little too hard
out the door of the house he lived in with my mother
i've got your name tattooed on my neck
 Feb 2014 ellie
greyweather
So there shall be a story.
A girl who pined for love.
Stretched out her skin, a razor pen, and wrote each word in blood.
Each letter was deceitful,
and each stroke was a sin.
Just so she held a final breath, no longer could she win.

If I were a fisherman I'd cast my line aside.
And close my eyes,
and lay me down,
and trust me to the tide.

But I don't the have privilege to use pure natures will.
So, for now, I just shut down, and keep my feelings in.
 Nov 2013 ellie
addy r
Silence me with handwritten notes on small books and blank paper and bury them with me if I should die tonight. My soul will take them to the nether regions where they will be preserved. But if I should lose them, find them and get them back to me.
For they are as precious as the jewels of the earth, and as beautiful as the complexities of your mind. Now I rather I never wrote them for I might still be breathing the breaths I barely ever did.
So watch me as my dying soul breaks my fragile bodice and sends it to the hell where you are not present.

(lunarlullubies & forsakengirlhue)
I have found no faith
Since no faiths been found in me
I've been hung by time

Anorexic love
I'm slowly starving to death
Just a mere whisper

Deprived happiness
A bleak landscape; a happy
Overdose of pills

I've become my god
a wild schizophrenic
Each voice shoots me down

All wrapped up in chains
I am a screaming mirage
Fade from existence

This is a story
Just lines of black, useless words
Scrawled across blank walls

— The End —