he stands in dark sheep clothing and looks to me, with a sly and becoming smile

come with me, dear friend
take a ride and let us explore to no end

i oblige, and he lends me a hand. he wraps me in his darkness and i feel what i never had before
understood

we travel long and we look wide
but i see nothing but the dark cloak he wears, that has started to
become me

i remain forever tired in his arms, and ask him for a rest
he says don’t sleep now darling, we are about to see the end

so i keep my eyes peeled, and search through the dark
is something here, lurking beyond the mark?

i think, oh this stranger is kind
could he become mine?

and he answers without saying a word,
love, i am forever yours

but soon, the night must end
i’ve sat her for so long, i crave the sun and all i once knew

but he tells me it’s better, to lay in the dark, here we are safe, here no one can hurt us, not ever again

so i stay, i believe him. he loves me and i love him, there’s nothing else really.

as time passes, i wrap myself deeper and deeper into the night
and i feel myself becoming
nothing but a whisper

and he says
it’s better that way
as he always does

and i believe him
as i always do

eventually, there becomes no one to believe
and no one to lie to

as we are now
what we’ve always been
one in the same

she and i have been travelling for quite sometime
along this lonely road, we are eachother’s only known soul

and i think i see her, see who she really is
behind the mask she wears, behind the smile that’s bound to fade

she’s a puzzle with no end, a book with a thousand pages
and she decided, finally, after all this time
i was worthy enough to hear the words, to see the picture

and i think i understand
what it means to be truly afraid
and what it means to be truly brave

she has strength beyond her wildest fixations
but she is not perfect, and she knows

she’s insecure, breakable, sensitive
she’s determined, stubborn, ambitious

she’s irritable, but still kind
she’s lazy, but she tries

she’s funny, and selfless, and sometimes strange

and slowly, i am starting to love her

sitting with her, all this time,
i think i am beginning to learn
what it means to be human

and what it means
to be understood

- falling in love with myself

i know you well enough to know
what’s happening now, has happened before
and will likely happen again

you are made of your own misfortune
you wear it like a badge of honor

i’m telling you now,
give up your post

the bad men live to explore you
in order to destroy you

you give him an in
he won’t take it slow
no ifs or buts, you’re starting to show

i’m worried you may never let this go

i get it, you’re desperate and alone
but darling, history repeats itself

you decide to say yes now
but get scared later

maybe you even say yes then
now look, you’re crying in the shower

i promise you a month of regret
and crying to your friends

who don’t give a **** now
they know you did it to yourself

being with someone
even once
even if it means something
will not fill the hole inside you now

it won’t fix the loneliness
it will only manifest it

tell me a secret
that no one else knows

in this bed we share (just for the night)
let us be more than strangers

let me know
a small part of you

beyond your body
beyond the feeling of your skin against mine

...

we can exchange
euphoria

but don’t ask me for more
and i won’t ask you for less

i don’t want love
i don’t want feelings

let’s read the same book
and highlight our favourite pages

save some for later

you see, you could be anyone
and it wouldn’t really matter

for surface level
is all we need

i don’t picture any face
or think of any name

let us be nothing

for that keeps us safe
for that keeps us sane

i realize the most powerful thing
that’s ever walked this earth

lives inside me
controls me

it is my purpose
to bestow upon us

this very thing

and yet it is
the one thing

kept from me my whole life

- the truth

i went to you
(and i remember this)

because i thought maybe you were the answer

i thought you were the person that would save me

that would make me feel pretty
and skinny
and perfect

you were older
meant to be wiser

and i thought your touch
would bring everything i never had

i was naive
and i was lost

because once
you did
what i thought i wanted

i regretted everything.
oh, the second the clock struck 12

i knew i was in the wrong bed
with the wrong man

i knew
i had just fallen down
a very dark trap

that you laid out for me
one by one

and who’s to say it wasn’t right
all you wanted was to get laid

i was the only thing
standing in your way  

so you did what you had to do
and i was so young and so vulnerable and so sad

i was trying to hurt myself
punish myself for being alive
for being fat

it is now
that i remember
(you see, trauma muddles things)

i went to you
not because i thought you would save me
or make me feel pretty, or skinny, or perfect

i went to you
because i knew in my gut
you would destroy me

and that’s exactly
what i thought i deserved

- a story worth rereading

the path calls to me,
and even though it is cold and even though i must walk alone,
i go.

as i travel, i find myself limited by the clothes that rest on my back.
to truly be free, one must be comfortable in every way, even the ways
that have the potential to destroy
us.

i strip down to my truest sense, to the parts of me that i own, even when i don’t want to.
i continue, and i
stop at the clearing.

here i see the water, the trees, that separate one home into two.
and i practically see my own reflection, and i speak the only way
i know how

“why did no one ever tell me?”

they did but you never listened

“why did i never know?”

it’s hard to know what you don’t understand

“i am enough”

say it again

“i am enough”

you are. you really are. remember this.

“i will”

i turn, finally. away from the lake and the trees, and the homes that surround me, and see a man.

he calls out to me, ever so subtly and uses only a small light. he is asking me
to come inside,
to come back home.

and as i walk
i am filled
with something i never had before
and could never dare to describe.

- a story of love