The wound is still fresh.. I still feel hurt and still feels so empty, but I´m slowly realizing that it should have happened.
I fell in love with you and I fell a hundred miles really soon even though I still wasn't recovered from the last heartbreak. I liked you from the very start cause you seemed cool and nice. You were nice to me and you seemed interested.
Then I found out that, you were wearing this " I´m okay" mask like me. It made me like you even more, cause once in a very long time, I didn't have to hide my mind and my sadness anymore. I didnt feel crazy anymore. I felt like I was flying,like I was levitating, being carried by the wind. I was almost close to the stars and moon and mostly you, my Mars...
I almost grabbed your hand, but then one of my demons grabbed me, pulled me down through the sharpest rocks and trees, he found the ocean and tried to make me drown. Instead of helping me out of the water, you did the opposite. You got mad and offended. Then the past few months you tried to pick me up and then you were dropping me. It felt like a roller coaster that I couldn't escape. I was stuck.
There were times when I wanted to escape, yes I admit. But around me there was this rope that was making me tied to this sick ride of yours. I was up and I was down, over and over again. It felt like a game, a chess. It felt like we were playing this sick game. Action-Reaction. We were desperate for attention, mostly you. You were saying this stuff, just to see my reaction.
I felt like a lab rat, being stuck to this disgusting, heart-wrenching experiment. You were manipulative, selfish at some point. I was a puppet and you were pulling the strings. You made me dance and pose, but then you were bored of me so you threw me away and made me feel like I was the one who did something bad, like its all my fault.
In either way that I could metaphorically explain this relationship or whatever this was to you, it will still sound and feel disgusting. I could tell you, how many days and nights I spent crying, panicking, screaming and begging from the escape. I could tell you about all of the hours I spent worrying if everything is okay between us and actually cutting off my friends and family just because you literally demanded me to call you and when we were fighting you said that I´ve never did that and that I was always "busy". I could tell you about all of the minutes I was thinking if this or that thing is okay to say and if it wont offend you. And I could tell you about the very few seconds that my heart was breaking and cracking because of you...
But all I´m going to say is thank you for the nice moments you gave me, the way you lighted me up... Too bad it wasn't real for you as it was for me. I´m ready to move on, to go further without you.....