The light from the hallway filters into the room,
and all I can think of is always you.
The light to my dark, you could light up the sky,
your beauty which has no reason or rhyme.

I wish i knew you then,
where have you been, my friend,
i'll carry you in my pocket,
closest to my heart,
you'll never be forgotten,
i want you with me always,
keep you safe and warm,
no other can be of harm to you,
i love you truly, honest.
my name is yours to keep,
hold it against me if need be,
love, you're mine,
i'll give you all of me in time,
i never want me back,
i trust you fully,
my heart's for you.

So that my soul may burn bright like the sun,
eternally revolving in its orbit,
sharing its warmth with everyone its light does touch,
I open my heart and my mind without reason,
except that the love that exists in the universe may only be
created by those who embrace all that comes with it,
and I let in the pain so that I can share the love that I learn.

*Let me be the match to your gasoline-soaked soul.

I don't want you to go,
I want you to stay,
I don't want you to be so far away.

Your flight's taking off,
in just a few days,
and then you will be in San Francisco Bay.

I told you I'd send you
little reminders throughout the day,
just in case your smile fades.

I don't want you to go,
I want you to stay.

I cannot sleep
because I have a feeling.
I have not had this feeling
since the last time someone
loved me too. This
crazy feeling under my
belly button. My
insides are tingling. My
core is reacting. Something
has changed. The vibes
have shifted. From my
core comes the sensation
pouring into the rest of my
body through these veins.
Something has changed.
This change is good.

How can I feel safe
when I call you my home but
all the lights are out?

She sees me as a threat,
I can't stop smiling.

She was fire.
She was the ache in my bones.

darkness.
cut cut cut cut.
bite bite bite.
blood. so much blood.
iron.
drowning.
water-filled lungs.
sinking fast.
no air.
black
black
black
no gasping.
giving up.
lifeless.
no use.
silence.
stillness.
peace.

Do you know I like to be called crazy?
Do you know what you do to me?
Are you trying to make me your baby?

I'd like to be buried deep beneath the soil,
six feet under no longer breathing; no more toil.

My lungs are tired,
my heart carved out,
no one listens to me scream and shout.

My darkest fantasies ignite in my skull,
cutting, biting, drowning, I want it all.

Give me the pain I need to feel alive,
then leave my side as I slowly die.

Flowers scattered
upon thick grass,
rose petals laid for
those who rest.

These bones of mine are
not as weak as I make them
out to be. I am.

I am weak for thought.
I am not. I am stronger
than I had presumed.

These bones of mine. They
hold this weight. Carry it with
them on their journey.

I am not. My thoughts.
Thoughts of you. My love. Your pain.
These bones carry you.

Your thoughts. They haunt you.
Your thoughts. They haunt me. My bones.
They carry your thoughts.

Your bones, my lovely.
No worries. I carry your
pain. I carry mine.

You are not weakness.
I am not weakness. We are
strength. These bones are ours.

*** in the City*
and pepperoni slices
are my company.

All my leaves are falling off of my branches,
covering the cold ground below,
coating it with a warm blanket,
leaving me bare-*****.

It's not because the seasons changed,
no, it was my own doing.
Didn't you know that when trees are sad
they shed their leaves like tears from a baby?
My leaves haven't changed color,
they won't be golden like the sun,
they just fall, fall, fall,
hitting the ground one after one.

Like tears, they too will dry up,
but they won't just disappear,
they will turn brown and crack
and be eaten by the deer.

So I weep and I weep and I watch
as my coat slips softly to the ground,
because I am a tree
and trees cannot have lovers bound.

She is so open and honest
when she talks about love making,
it drives me insane,
it fills me with desire,
my sorry imagination runs wild.
All I want is to be tangled in these sheets with her.
Everything about her is pure.

I can't move,
I can't breathe,
stop staring,
every person in the room,
staring, glaring.
Heat surges through my veins,
from my ears straight to my toes,
heart is racing,
sweat beading,
staring, glaring.
I can't speak,
I can't see,
stop staring,
i'm shrinking,
I want to disappear,
why can't I disappear?
Staring, glaring.
I can't run,
i'm locked in this cage,
my mind's a mess,
tearing me apart,
why are they staring,
why are they glaring?

I surround myself with the
craziest ladies this world has
ever come to know.
Where would the fun in life be
if I didn't?

*the crazy feeds my soul

When this week is finally over
my bones will crack under the pressure of your gaze
it feels i've been waiting my whole life for this, for you
i'm not sure my heart will survive the overwhelming joy
i want to hold onto this night forever, my sleep i've lost over you
the moments are passing so fast and so slow your voice ringing in my ears
our laughter always in sync my god i can't wait another day.

I was angry at you for a while,
really very angry,
and that blinded me from all that you are,
that blinded me from all that I love,
now today I passed that anger,
today I grew to be content,
and now I miss you,
miss you so much,
I know I don't need you,
I've been just fine without you,
but I want to be there,
I want to.
I miss you.
My friend.

I fell down the rabbit hole,
curiously searching for the
Queen of Hearts.

The Red Queen,
known for spilling blood
at the neck, ripping people apart.

Not possibly all bad though.
When I got to that land,
I didn't know which way to go.

I came across a silly cat,
who questioned my sanity.
Yes, I want the Red Queen,
are you surprised? You shouldn't be,
everyone knows I'm as crazy as a bat.

He directed me to the hatter,
as the smallest eye could see,
that he was just as crazy as me.

He understood my troubles,
told him the Red Queen had my heart,
let him know that if she did get to my neck,
the act alone would be a work of art.

He showed me the way to her castle,
we walked and walked all day,
when we finally arrived
he was too scared to stay.

I found her in the garden
crying over broken hedge,
her tears fell and I took her hand,
saying 'please back away from the ledge'.

She wanted things to be beautiful,
but no one understood,
so I painted the roses red for her,
just like she knew I would.

Her tears ceased and she looked into my eyes,
she saw my crazy and understood
that I wouldn't tell her any lies.

She loved me from that moment on,
knew I wouldn't leave,
because when I love, I really love,
there's no use stopping me.

Madness runs through us all,
and if you're lucky you will fall
down the rabbit hole and find
the craziest thing of all;
the one that's been waiting,
the one that's got you mad,
the one that'll catch you in the dark,
and there'll no longer be reason to be sad.

It's on the tip of my tongue,
a chilling breeze whipping my face
that lets me feel every ounce of blood in my veins.
It's the feeling that I could jump and fall through
the air when really I'd just hit the ground
that my feet never found the courage to leave.
It's the place hidden beneath the darkest part of
my very soul that, when touched, makes me
feel alive, no bleeding necessary,
just breathing in, breathing out.
It's standing on a broken sidewalk in the
middle of a grey city, people rushing  by,
and my body is stationary, my legs
molded to cement like weeds pushing
through the cracks because when you
think about it we are not just breathing in
the air, we are breathing in the sky,
constellations filling my lungs, I throw
my head back and laugh them out
again with joy.  I'll take your hand and
you'll take mine.  Together we'll walk
toward the sun until we make it to the
end of the earth and grow ignorant
to the passing of time.

I feel like this is all I write about,
and it makes me sad,
it makes me want to stop writing,
but it also makes me want to keep
writing.

I don't write to please anyone but
myself. If I did what would be the
point of writing? It is for me.
And if others are kind enough
to read my words and enjoy them,
then I am grateful to have written
them. And if they do get annoyed
that I keep writing about the same
subject over and over and over again,
then they may kindly stop reading
my poetry.

But look here, I have
somehow managed to create this
arrangement of letters and words to
be about something entirely different.

I should be proud of myself. But I am
not. Because if I'm honest with myself,
then I would know that this is just a poem
talking about how I should no longer write
poems about you, making this very poem
about you too. I just can't win.

Hello,

I'm losing myself again,
it's getting hard like it was back then,
i'm leaving for now, I can't wait for you to say when,
I know this is unexpected based on how good we've been.

You keep me going but you make me fall,
my strength becomes weakness when you come to call,
I can't hold my head up high anymore when all I want is to curl into a ball,
I can't continue to give you my all.

I'll always be here if you need me though,
please don't take this as a hard blow,
i'll be back for you, promise, so don't let go,
I love you too much so I need the pace to slow.

Stay strong for me when life get's rough,
don't give up when you think you've had enough,
you have so much potential and goodness and stuff,
just remember that for me, always stay tough.

I'll be seeing you.

My lovely, new friends
are so supportive. Without
them I'd be nowhere.

Sitting here, I keep telling myself it is time to go.
Sitting here, I ask myself where I go from here.
Sitting here.  Still sitting.  Stuck.

My lungs burn with the scent of your skin:
      on the subway train, no room to move,
      at midnight, on the pillow beside mine,
      slapping me in the face on city streets,
      eating lunch by myself, choking down the last bite,
I'd rather not breathe at all
      than be forced to breathe you in when you're not around.

Heart pounding,
blood pumping,
muscles tense,
It's gonna beat right out of my empty chest.

Tears pouring,
eyes burning,
lashes fall,
did you ever really care at all?

Mind racing,
head aching,
jaws tight,
when you left you took all of my light.

Body shaking,
hands quaking,
arms outstretched,
thinking you'll come back is so far-fetched.

These girls I have,
they keep me strong,
they're always there when I come back,
no matter how long I am gone.
Forever and always,
I can see it now,
we will never betray each other,
our love wouldn't allow,
it took a lot of trust for us
to get to where we are,
but we are still here,
together somehow.

Why can't I feel this pain?
I know it is there but I cannot feel it,
you have taken that from me,
and now she has hurt me like you did
and I cannot feel the pain.

I long for that pain,
I want to ache from this.

Instead I dance.

If love is a game,
then someone will
be the winner and
someone will be
the loser.
A tie game?
Now that's love.

With my ear resting on your chest
I tried so hard to synchronize my heart with yours
But your heart made such a beautiful sound
I could not get mine to calm the **** down.

You seem so distant.
What do you know about me
really? Not much at all.

You know I adore
Alice in Wonderland. You
know I love music.

You know that I think
the trees are beautiful. You
know green is my choice.

You know I am more
girlie than the others. You
know I'm not sporty.

You know I find peace
in the rain as it slides down
my skin in summer.

You know I enjoy
singing to myself. You know
I like small children.

But what about me?
Those are simple things. Do you
not know who I am?

Have you tasted my
soul? I want you to. I will
happily share it.

Only for you. You're
the one I choose to share it
with. You are lucky.  

Know me. Learn me. Please.
I want to be a part of
you. You must know me.

Don't fall asleep on me anymore,
I want to talk to you forever.
I miss you when you're dreaming,
and my dreams don't satisfy my hunger.
So please, let your eyelids fall no longer.

She makes me feel beautiful,
slowly revealing her limitless soul.

Part One
Cold wind rushes in beneath the cracked
window that was never fixed after you threw
that rock through it in a fit of anger when you
were drafted to the war in your mind,
the one that leaves us silent for days because
your pride keeps your jaw shut tight though
we surge with energy from the tension of our
love that dances around us and teases us with
the knowledge that one day we will come around.
I leave the broken window open now so when
you return again I’ll hear the pebbles
crunching beneath your feet as you make your
way up to the door, fumbling through your
pockets looking for the keys.  You won’t need
them, you know, because I’ll meet you at the
door before you even try to open it.
I have a cold from the draft coming in through
the window.  You’ve returned from the war
but I know it’s never over.  You’ll stay here
with me until you’re drafted again.  I’ll
savor each moment with you until then.

Part Two
I bury my face in your collar bone and I hide
my tears with the sniffling cold.  I have missed
you, I always miss you.  These days I have
with you are too precious to take for granted
I know my time is limited, you always leave,
duty calls, I can’t make you stay, I gave up
trying.  You go to war, you come back again,
you come back for me but there’s always
the draft.  The one through the window, the
one for the war, the constant reminder our
minds can’t ignore.  You come back for me
you always do just like I’m always fighting
for you.  One day the war will be over and
we’ll both see the sunlight from behind the
smoke and together we can close the window.