I am scared.
I cannot escape this nightmare
that you have created. Why is
it following me everywhere I
go? Why can't you just be gone.
Why did you have to exist at all?
All you did was **** me up in the
head. I was forever changed by
what you did to me, by what no
one did to fix it. No one tried to
make it better. No one cared enough
to make you go away. No one locked
you up. No one threw you out. You
were allowed to stay. In the place
that I am supposed to feel the
safest, the house of God. You were
allowed to stay. Even though you
****** me up. They call that religion?
They think they can point fingers at
me because I lost most of my faith?
Is it religious to let someone take a piece
of your soul, to violate them and not
be reprimanded? That is what you call
religion? Do you think He would look
down upon you and praise you for that?
Do you think He would blame me for
turning my back on the church when the
church was supposed to be there for me?
I do not think He will think any less of me
for the decisions I have made based upon
what has been allowed by His church to
happen. I think, when my time comes and
my days on Earth are completed, that He
will not only open his golden gates for me,
but also joyously welcome me with open
arms and His loving embrace.

She hated that I knew her,
whispered it in my ear,
as my head rested on her lap
and we sat in the fresh-cut grass,
watching the clouds make the sun disappear.
Hiding from the party,
holding onto each others' arms,
we kept each other safe
as we tore each other apart.
When her lips touched mine
for the first and last time
I felt everything we had melt into my fingertips
and **** me inside.
I think she knew that I would die.

The way you disappear
scares me half to death
because it is not just from
me, I know that for sure.

You lose yourself completely,
you go blank, idle, nothing.
I wish that I could make the
numb drain from every inch
of your being and fill in the holes
with sunshine because that is what
you like.

*sunshine and saltwater

I cannot think of
a thing to say with so much
love in this country.

Five days from now
we will be together
sitting in a dark room
spotlight shining from behind
listening to another poet's rhyme
maybe some sparks will fly.

My soul is on fire
my heart out of control
my bones ****** in the light
my skin's radiating the glow.

My tears are stuck in the ducts of my eyes,
my words are stuck in the back of my throat.
Come here pretty baby, give me a hand,
you set me free, like I am floating above
the cold, wet sand.

When I am with you,
and when I am not,
I can feel your soul radiate,
your smile says a lot.

Who wouldn't be struck
from the beauty you possess,
the light that you illuminate
touches my skin like a soft caress.

My tears are stuck in the ducts of my eyes,
my words are stuck in the back of my throat.
Come here precious angel, give me a hand,
tonight I need you to help me stay afloat.

Why can't it be me,
do you not see how perfect,
how everything you say,
how every move you make,
proves we are meant to be?

Why won't you open your eyes and see
just how beautiful you are to me,
I see a picture of the stars,
I think of you,
the ocean waves whisper your name,
I can't escape your ever-living grace.

I can't change how I feel,
my heart has been carved out
and stitched back together with
every word that you say,
your breath keeps me alive,
even though you are so far away.

*Please, we are meant to be.
Please, I want us to be.

Your name on my lips
sends my blood coursing through me
rushing, **bleeding out

Baby, bring your body close to mine,
let me hold you really tight.
I will kiss each freckle,
let me play connect-the-dots.
Your hair wrapped in my fingers,
I pull a little harder when your lips meet
the nape of my neck just right.
Your fingers explore every inch of my being,
sending shivers through me, reminding me how much I'm living.
My legs search the sheets for yours,
pulling them in, we become tangled,
we become one.

So much anger built
up inside. These muscles are
tense. Rage takes over.

I have nothing left to do
and yes, I talked to you.
I needed to though,
I was haunted by the
demons of my past that
I fear I will never escape.
I shared them with you
and you listened,
you felt what I feel,
you learned.
Yes, I talked to you,
but now you know me that much more.
I let you peek into the dark
side of my soul.

*Yes, I talked to you, but now you know.

I love you
     I love you, I do.
             your sleepy eyes,
             your heavy heart,
             the way your faded smile turns around
             and makes your eyes shine bright,
             the look you give me when I have a complaint,
             the look you give me when you see my happiness.
     The love of the world you have through the bad,
     The love of the world you have through the good.
I love you, I do, and I love
             the way you giggle to yourself when you're lost in thought,
             the way you ignore me during your favorite song,
             the way your soul helps you to dance through this battle-filled life.
             and I love the way you let your light shine through your scars.
                              I love you, I love you, I do.

Your nails carving out my inner thighs
as your fingers move their way upward
goosebumps rising on every limb
your mouth moves down away from my lips
I feel your warmth don't let it stop
I pull your hair
guiding you where I want you most
you take the hint your skin I feel it
I'm full of light in the dark room wrapped up
in these white sheets with you.

I know you are
dreaming the
sweetest dreams
tonight, and I'd
like to think it's
because of me.

Fallen steps,
a fallen angel,
broken wings,
loss of self,
tired eyes,
pulsing heart,
needy limbs,
emptiness.

Lost,
where is home?

look through the mirror,
     into my soul, not
just a body,
     not just a mold.
                 inside is the universe,
                 the stars in the sky,
                 only beauty can come
                 from your dark mind.
your heart may be broken,
     mine may be too,
together we'll conquer,
     our demons will lose.
                   take my hand, darling,
          fate brought us here today,
     to fight the same battles
before it's too late.

You're out of reach,
how can I find you again?

...and I remember the first day I saw you,
our first adventure together,
you pulled out a Cheshire cat,
you knew my favorite everything,
our first adventure,
our last.

I don't know what to do,
as I wade helplessly through
these murky waters,
because I fear that you have
once again slipped through the
cracks of my foolish fingers,
and the darkness of the swamp
has returned as I am left
grabbing the muggy air
where I know I will not find you.

"I love you too.  I'll miss you.  We'll talk soon."

No one watched me fall apart,
left alone in the darkest dark,
no light left here, no one near,
only the ghost of me writhing in fear.

I stayed by the side of everyone I love,
each left me abandoned,
no hope from above.

Emptied I became,
body, soul, mind,
no love left to give,
leaving everything behind.

I loved you with everything that I had,
I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you,
but there's no longer reason to be sad.

This will be my final goodbye,
I apologize for my crimes,
I thank you for your time.

All I wanna do is make you smile,
whatever it takes,
i'll stay with you forever,
i'll be your shoulder,
i'll be your sunshine.

She is a siren.
She sang her song; left me here
to drown. Gasping. Red.

Your voice is the flutter of butterfly wings on a warm spring day,
your hair is the willows that sway in the cool summer breeze,
your spine is the icicles on the coldest winter day,
your touch is the crisp air in autumn.

You are the seasons that comfort me,
knowing they are always going to come,
knowing that the weather will always be the same
when it is that time of year.
You will be there, just like the seasons,
and with each season comes a different kind of beauty,
a beauty that you surely possess.

You are the snow, you are the crisp, golden leaves,
you are the flowers that bloom so bright,
and you are that summer breeze that caresses me at night.

You were beautiful.
You gave me life. You beat me
down. Was it worth it?

This lost soul longs to escape
this seemingly unfamiliar body.

when i think of you
i think of the stars.

I constantly feel
unwanted by the people
I care about most.

I give them my all,
but it never seems to be quite
enough. So alone.

I am never thought
of; constantly left out. What
do I do wrong?

Am I there for you
too often? Is my advice
not to your standards?

Is my shoulder not
soft enough for you to cry
on? Am I too nice?

What do I do wrong?
Please tell me so I can fix
it. Should I fix it?

Is it me? Or you?
Am I looking at things all
wrong? I'm not too sure.

I just want to be
wanted. Thought of. That's all I
want. It's not a lot.

What's really ****** up is that
you know how you have been
treating me and now you just
are not going to talk to me because
running is obviously the only option.

What's really sad is you know
that you feel this way too,
you know that I would actually
be there, unlike everyone else.

Why are you so scared to let someone
actually see you for who you are?

I don't even think I want it anymore.
I don't even know if it is worth it.

I ****** it up,
I just wanted you here,
to stay with me forever,
I just want you near.
You stayed with me, I know,
said you weren't going to go,
but you feel the pressure now,
want to leave but you made that vow.
I ****** it up,
don't know what to do,
don't want you to feel trapped,
do you want me to let go of you?
Your hands aren't shackled,
just say the word,
I'll walk away slowly,
once your wishes are heard.
I ****** it up,
but I just want you to know,
no matter what you decide,
my love for you will never die.

Rumor has it
I was wrong,
it was me who ****** up,
you were right all along.

I couldn't help it though,
you should've known,
those words weren't from me,
I was lost and alone.

I cried no tears,
they wouldn't come out,
just shook and screamed,
did you hear me shout?

I know it's too late
for you to want to understand,
but maybe in the future
you'll take back my hand.

I am so sorry
you have to go through this. I
wish differently.

I wish everyone
understood that love is love.
Only acceptance.

Maybe you will call.
Maybe you will let me be
there for you this time.

I don't want you to
go through this alone. I am
here for you always.

Tell them how you feel.
Tell them it is not going
to change. This is you.

It does not make you
any less human. You are
beautiful. Unique.

You are their blood. That
is not a choice. Neither is
this. It's who you are.

But you are not here
alone. I am here. We are
all here for you now.

It is alright to
be upset. You are allowed.
It is not your fault.

Yes, others may have
it worse, but you have this to
deal with too. It's fine.

You will get through this.
We are all here for you. We
all love you so much.