the sun slips
through my cold hands

this wasn't suppose to be a love story
and yet I fall in love in your eyes
everyday

I feel them,
Creeping beneath my skin,
Breaking down my resistance.
I am trying to pull away
But they are clawing me back,
Dragging me back to the top drawer
Where the skeletons encased in a little white box are waiting.

It seems to be a repetitive process,
No, a ritual
"I've been clean for four weeks, I can do this"
"I can't do this anymore. I can't cope."
"No, I've come this far, I can't give up now."
"**** it all."

It is a drug,
Injected into my veins and swirling around my brain,
Metallic nicotine

The worst part is, is that I have these urges because I can't even bare the smallest thought of sadness.
I can't even go through five minutes of brief heartache without wanting to throw it all away.
I don't even have a reason to feel this low,
I am weak and selfish.

I know you'll survive,
I know you can still hold on,
Please don't give up yet

I have tried so hard to stay afloat,
But right now I could easily cave in
And let the waves push me down,
Let the current pull me to the bottom
Of the ocean and leave me there to die.

I am trying to keep myself alive to help
The ones I love the most from dying,
I can't bear the thought of losing them,
But in the process I am losing myself
Because I feel helpless and useless.
I fear that I can't do enough because I'm not strong
Enough to fight for them.
I feel like I have let everybody down.
But I'm not giving up yet.

Done with this sad world,
If you need me I'm in hell,
Still better than here.