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 Oct 2013 Elise
LJ Chaplin
Monday morning,
The beginning of a new week,
A new life
I took the gigantic step
Of coming out,
I didn't feel the need to hide,
To pretend for the sake of society,
I am me,
That's all there is to it.

My family knows,
My friends know,
And I couldn't ask for better people in my life.
I feel like I don't deserve that.
I'm free,
Free to love who I want to love
And the best part is,
Everybody is OK with that.

But I wanted to be treated as I used to,
I still want to be 'just Lewis'
I don't want someone to be friends with me
For the sake of being a 'gay best friend'
I hate that label,
I'm a human, not a novelty
I want to be a best friend for what I do,
Not my sexuality.

The future will be difficult,
But I know I am happier now and will continue to be when tomorrow comes.
 Oct 2013 Elise
-
Story Telling
 Oct 2013 Elise
-
I used to believe that happiness was in
gaining a love, gaining security
gaining hope from within

but the longer I live
the more I lose touch
with what I used to believe
and what I once thought
was the right things in life
the best of them all
but everyone suffers
temporary or permanent
life changing downfalls

and we all grieve
at some point in life
either the loss of ourselves
or the loss of loved ones
we all feel and will feel
endless bouts of pain
sharp pains that can feel
like strangulation
or self-inflicted
times of illusion

misguided thoughts
and moments of weakness
psychotic rages
and times of
confusion

I have felt so much in a short space of time
it is hard to believe that I am somewhat 'fine'
the amount of trauma sustained
from the painful migraines
the way it felt like someone
squeezing and pressuring my head
the way it felt like my brain
was going to explode
at some known time and place
the way it felt like system malfunction
was taking it's course of faith
how it took so much away from my life

people say strong people never feel pain
and that they have no reason
to feel anything but joy
well those people are wrong
because I was once strong

and look what the **** happened
depression took over my soul
and stripped me of my voice
it broke me to the point
of almost shooting myself
in the head with a gun
that's what my dreams
always consisted of
suicide and a loss of pride
a loss of consciousness
felt like someone was
controlling my heart
poking holes
and making me bleed
until I was seeing stars
even if I was behind doors
my mind made me delusional
made me drift away from reality
I'm still not myself at all
not functioning properly

I don't sleep anymore
not even drugs are a cure
not even *** stimulates
my naked body is a disgrace
when I look in the mirror
I can imagine it shatter

my whole sense of view
about everything of me
is honestly the worst
there is no in-between
sometimes I wonder
if life will ever get
as good as it once was

that chapter of my life
is still yet un-explored
but I picture it
in my head
all the time
© Natali Veronica 2013.

Again, super personal poem.
I was trying to write longer than usual,
because my dream is to write a novel,
or a biography of some sort.
I wanted to expand my writing skills.

Your opinions and comments mean a lot to me,
tell me what you think. I need opinions.
 Oct 2013 Elise
sinderella
people think a lot, about me,
amuses yet destroys me.

you see my smile?
mm, not real.
it's a lie.
this is how I feel:

torn apart at the seams,
you can't help me,
permanently ****** up,
like the scars i bear.

my body looks good to you,
but it's disgusting to me,
fat, unattractive, hideous,
perfect is something,
that i will never be.

bruised, yes i am.
damaged? yes, madam.
broken, indeed.
worthless, yeah.
i should be dead.

tell me...

would you love me if i said
''shoot me with your gun,
make me hurt real bad''?

would you touch me,
if my scars were on display?
would you hold me,
and protect me?
would you?
because if you had scars,
i'd kiss them and you,
because you're my darling,
you're my boo, sweet you.

if i was the worst,
would you wait,
until the day,
i gave you,
my very best?

would you take a test?
to prove your love to me,
and set all of my thoughts,
and my doubt at ease?

would you prove to me,
that you're not like the rest,
that you wouldn't just leave,
because of a petty argument,
or a stupid disagreement?

would you stand by my side,
even if i was a mess?
if so, would you marry me?
please my love, say yes.
© sinderella.
 Oct 2013 Elise
sinderella
seeking treatment
is not an option
unless i want it
© sinderella.
 Oct 2013 Elise
sinderella
a kiss means more to me
than he will ever know
feels so good on my lips
i adore moments like this
happier than i'll ever be
i truly hope he knows
and understands fully
that i adore his love
it's so pure
and heavenly
© sinderella.
 Oct 2013 Elise
sinderella
sometimes i stand on the edge,
wishing i could feel my heart beating,
sometimes i would love to fall off a bridge,
in the hope you'd be the one rescuing.

there are not many reasons to hold on,
but you are definitely one of them,
you make me want to be strong,
you help me cope again and again.
© sinderella.
 Oct 2013 Elise
Seán Mac Falls
The moon held me down,
Then your shining face swept me,
Now, I rise with sun.
 Oct 2013 Elise
sinderella
unlike the moon and the sun,
we are always within reach,
friends through thick and thin,
we will always find a way to be close.

you were a precious find,
and i thank God every day,
for blessing me, being so kind,
constantly taking my breath away.

best of friends, through the worst,
joined together to experience the best,
beautiful memories, big and small,
the greatest blessing in my life,
true friendship conquers all.
© sinderella.

This is dedicated to a beautiful friend,
my soul sister in fact. She's going through a lot,
which makes her sad and I hope this makes her smile.
This girl, she is really a precious heart & soul,
so full of love and I hope that one day,
someone sees her as all that she is,
and treats her like a princess, no wait, queen.

Love you lisi. You are precious to me.
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