We had recovering drug addicts come in
Talking to us with their sunken
Ashy eyes
And sweaty palms
You could tell they were nervous by the
Way they carried themselves
Cinder blocks and
Broken piano parts
And their pasts
All clinging to them,
For life support
They talked about how easy
It was to let gravity eat you alive
As you are falling into a black pit
You can’t stop the falling
Their wings were bound to
Pseudo lovers who
Gave them bruised arms
And blue fingers.
If you are lucky enough to
Escape the clenched hands of
Addiction,
The rest of your life will
Be a walking tightrope act
Trapeze dancers
One slip and you are falling
Even faster
Harder than before.
And your family, friends,
Everyone you have ever known is
In the audience watching you
Fall into your premature grave
And there is nothing they can do
But tell you to fly
But you cant
Because you just love your
Mistress too much
To ever let her go.
And they warned us about
How hard it might be to say no
To not let the circus come into
Town, but if you do
Only you can pack up the
Lions, clowns,
Colorful balloons.
Someone asked them if they
Believe drugs should be legalized
And he responded with
If I walk into a gas station
And see drugs for sale I will
Not be able to hold myself
Upright.
But I also do not want a government
Establishment to tell me what I can
And cannot ingest into my body,
So I don’t know.
Newton’s First Law of Motion
States that something will keep moving
Unless some force acts upon it.
And once you start drugs
Or gambling
Or skipping meals
it will progressively
Worsen in time.
Festering in bloodstreams
Until you decide to stop it.

I did not die.
I am in the wind.
Breathe me in,
fill your lungs.
Release me to the sky.

I did not die.
I am here.
Feel my touch.
It is for you.
Give me a try.

I did not die.
For I was never alive.

Here I am, trying to convince the world,
trying to convince you,
trying to convince myself, that
I am fine.
A three-word sentence that hides the pain;
not from oneself but from watching eyes.
My troubles stack one on top of the other
forming a skyscraper that burdens me.
Each day it grows bigger and taller
until it collapses
as did the towers on 9/11,
as it does right on top of me.

The clock tells me it's half past midnight
And I'm sitting alone in the corner of my room
The phone never fails to capture my attention
Because I'm holding my breath to hear from you

Moonlight seeps through gaps in my curtains
And shadows are scattered across the floor
I'm contented to know the night's not so dark
As the full moon makes light hard to ignore

My hopes float among the stars tonight
I am restless with high expectations
Then my phone lights up and I see your face
And my heart knows no limitations

I answer your call and hide my excitement
Soon the minutes fly by and my smile grows
Where your voice alone can send my heart
I think it's safe to say nobody knows

But before I know it the moment is here
The one in which all will be explained
My heart threatens to burst from within me
And my composure refuses to be maintained

As the truth makes its way to the moonlight
I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster ride
Anticipation makes me sick to my stomach
And I try to keep my feelings inside

My question at last is given an answer
And every part of me reacts to reality
Tears from my eyes and pain in my chest
I can't bear the situation's finality

The crushing realization leaves me hollow
But I should have known it from the start
I was always bound to be left with nothing
Except a full moon and an empty heart

Birds chirping
Trees swaying
And a memory
A memory of
A far away place
Waiting, wanting
To be remembered
Blue skies
White clouds
Windows in the sky
Excitement rising
In my whole soul
Wanting to know
What is in
The window
Of the sky
Sharing my excitement
With others
Passionate, giddy
A whisper of love
Soft, spoken, in the wind
Wanting to share this treasure
With my love, my lover
He is distracted
But the excitement
Still rises
One, two, three
Emptiness, black
Eyes starting
To adjust
Birds chirping
Trees swaying
And a memory
A memory of ...
A dream.

i am a lost girl
the kind who will let you stare
into her ocean eyes for free
and swallow your compliments
profoundly eagerly
while always knowing
all nourishment is temporary

i am a lost girl
the kind who has sorrow burned on the inside
of her mouth
nothing can take the taste away
not even love not even people
who said they would stay
because she knows more than anyone
that they never do

i am a lost girl
the kind whose passion will tug on your heartstrings
so hard you will be able to feel
the vibrations throughout your entire body
long after she has left you
covered in kisses and invisible bows
stranded on an abandoned
railroad pleading
for release

i am a lost girl
the kind that knows what she wants
but does not have enough drive or self esteem
to keep  a solid grasp
for certainty has always been like sand
slowly slipping through her fingers

i am a lost girl
the kind that will settle on what little power
she has left
the kind that will sing you to sleep
if in turn you will tell her
just once
that she is beautiful regardless
of if you mean it
or not.