lena k

lena k Aug 2019

trauma

you look at me
the way he used to
before he left

i adore the way you look at me
and speak to me
the way he used to

but i prepare myself for the day
when you begin to realize
why he left
why they all left
and join them
isolating yourself from me

"that won't happen"
you tell me
unaware that those are the same words
i've heard a dozen times
from a dozen people
that are now strangers

i apologize for the panic attacks
i will have
due to the thought of losing you
losing yet another person
i've opened up to

and i apologize for opening up to you
and ruining
that original image
you had of me in your head

please
don't leave

lol

lena k May 2019

battlefield

i am so exhausted
of this fight with my head
it could be time
to lay down and rest instead

please don't miss me when i go
you'll see me again one day
but i wish to be cold like snow

i promise you'll be okay
it's time for me to leave
but when you find me
don't roll up my sleeve

my apologies
for leaving you this way
but don't worry
you'll forget about me
as you go on with your days

TW: suicide

lena k Feb 2019

valentine’s day

your love
is my life support
please don’t pull the plug

your touch
is like a blanket
it’s cold, please don’t take it off

your kiss is essential
don’t you see i’m craving you?

you’re a master piece
a work of art
i could stare and admire all day

the way your beautiful
brown body
curves
and your black wavy hair
falls upon your shoulders
and glistens in the moonlight
while your skin
glows with every step you take

i admire you as if
you were created by
vincent van gogh

i wonder what you think of me

lena k Dec 2018

goodbye

i apologize to everyone
that i am leaving behind.
it was never your fault,
you've been nothing but kind.
i promise that i love you
and i always will
but sometimes, late at night
i wish time would stand still
so i'm stopping my own clock
don't worry, you'll be okay
we'll see each other soon
you'll be in my arms again one day
i'm sorry i had to leave you
but please don't miss me
i'll still be there by your side
don't cry, baby, you'll see

this poem ***** *** but i'm a ****** writer anyway so

lena k Nov 2018

just a friend.

you say she's just a friend
but "just a friend" wouldn't visit you at work on your first day.
"just a friend" doesn't lay in your lap
while you play with her hair.
"just a friend" doesn't flirt with you.
"just a friend" wouldn't make me want to see myself bleed.
"just a friend" would be just a friend.

Oct 2018

eva crown

korean;american

i type my middle name cautiously
s
e
o
y
o
u
n
g
and watch resignedly as the red squiggle appears underneath
but with smug satisfaction
i right click
and hit
'add to dictionary'
hah, take that
i am now part of the lexicon
and you can't stop me

take ownership of your asian-american identity

#koreanamerican #asianamerican #koreanname #redline #squigglyredline #microsoftword #frustration #lexicon

lena k Oct 2018

blank space

tell me why
i'd do anything for you
but you won't do **** for me
i sit here
crying over the thought
of losing you
while you stand there
towering over me
constantly lying
constantly deceiving
constantly betraying
me
you cannot please
my one simple request
yet demand that i
not do a list of things
and i listen
i long for the day
when my unrequited love
is finally equated
and the day you finally
give a **** about my sobs
but until then
i will lay here
alone in bed
in the world
silently suffering
while you enjoy a night out
with the friend of yours
who wants me dead

i'm ******* done.

#hurt #anger #love