Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove Jan 2016

O Sweet Edna, how can I forget thee!
So beautifully named after the daughter of Count Telfener,
Promoter of the Macaroni railroad,
Home of the monumental Edna Theater (SEE NOTE # BELOW).

I recall a chilly Christmas spent there:
Unfortunately Edna was closed for the day
But I met a nice girl in the one bar that was open
And for only twenty five bucks she went all the way.

By purest chance her name was Edna too,
And she gave me a real Christmas treat;
I could so easily have fallen for her bigtime
Had it not been for the smell of her size twelve feet.

O how your architectural marvels will live in my memory
Dear principal "city" of Jackson County, O Edna divine!
Home to six thousand Texan souls
Of whom only one in five lives below the poverty line.

NOTE:-

(#) Actually a cinema and disused anyway. Paste this link for a photo: http://media1.picsearch.com/is?hWN6taRELewhHHMx-FMVpQOXSK4aNdmtABXGB-ZxEyA&height;=257 (if it doesn't work, don't blame me).

This is written as a tribute to the so-called "city" of Edna, into which I stumbled one chilly Christmas Eve.  The City of Edna is rightly proud of two of its illustrious sons and daughters: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (professional wrestler) and Juanita Slusher (alias Candy Barr), the famous American burlesque dancer, adult magazine model and stripper.

Mr Austin perfected his trademark finishing maneuvre, the Stone Cold Stunner, to win the "King of the Ring" tournament in 1996. After defeating Jake "The Snake" Roberts, a born-again Christian, Stone Cold  said "You sit there and you thump your Bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16... Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ***!".

During the 1950s Candy received nationwide attention for her stripping career in Dallas, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas and for her troubles with the law (including shooting her second husband; and for serving three years in jail for drug possession). In the early 1980s, Candy was presciently acknowledged in the magazine Texas Monthly as a "perfect Texan".

I was lucky only to meet Fat Edna.

As a hint of the high standards you may expect when you visit Edna, here's a review of a "hotel" from TripAdvisor.com...
"When the door was unlocked to our room, I was appalled by the infestation of insects. The were on every surface, including the ceiling, walls, floors, bathroom and tub. The furnishings were vintage 1960s, broken and filthy. There were cobwebs and food cooked unto the microwave. The owner tried to accomodate us by showing us other rooms. All were equally infested and had the same horrid furnishings."

Choice, totally choice..

#**** #texas #edna

Edna Sweetlove Dec 2015

Eva Transfigured

A restless fire burnt in her blue Aryan eyes
And she wore a pretty dress
Because she loved to be beautiful,
Even though she was by then
No more than a bird in a bunkered cage.

But the man she loved did not see:
He had other priorities, affairs of state,
Still blindly fighting a lost war.
The others in the bunker wanted to live
And prayed they might escape to the world,
Such as it was in those closing weeks;
But Eva did not care, as she knew her destiny,
Finally coming out of the shadows.

She so much wanted to be young and happy
Even when there was nothing to celebrate,
Even when their world was disintegrating
In those final doom-laden Berlin days.
Eva wanted so to dance in the Spring,
But there was nothing to dance about
And no one to dance with.

Eva had no fear of death’s sad sting
As long as she was with her beloved.
But as the dark days went by,
Inevitable hopelessness set in;
And then the very last hours came,
When all hope of victory was finally gone,
Destroyed by the roar of the conquerors’ barbarian guns
And their wild revengeful **** and pillage.

So kleine Eva finally married him, her Fuehrer,
But to what avail and for what hopeless future?
Soon they would be joined only in death,
Despised by a scornful, hating world,
Their corpses burned by devoted soldiers,
And then fought over by divided allies.
Little Eva was not very bright,
But her eyes shone brightly as she died
Happily, died for him whom she worshipped:
To her, Adolf was her friend and lover
And a shining hero, not the devil incarnate.

#heroines

Edna Sweetlove Dec 2015

Brown Elevens

Have you ever visited a public *******
When you were really bursting for a dung
And sadly found the only cubicle
Was vile and ill-prepared to meet your needs,
Its stench beyond your wildest nightmare dread?

And yet you bravely held your breath and looking
Down into the cracked, caked enamel bowl
Beheld a horrid, putrid panful there,
The likes of which you never dreamed you'd find
And live to tell the ******* tale to mortal man.

About a hundred people's lurking turds
All heaped and piled up to the very brim,
Some soft and runny, squashed down by the weight
Of countless others, some smudged with blood
Lying there like half-cooked hamburgers.

And there was barely ******* space in the pan
For you to add a steaming trio of your own
To the rancid, obscene horrors lurking there
As you crouched, puking, with your ******* round your ankles
Terrified in case they fell onto the ****-swamped floor.

And you noticed with your reeling senses
That there wasn't any ****** paper either,
Nor had there been for many a long day
Judging from the walls' awesome sorry state
All covered in ****** brown elevens. (SEE NOTE BELOW)

NOTE re "Brown elevens" - just visualise how.........

11 11 11 11 11

might have found their way onto the wall.........................

#toilets #turds

Edna Sweetlove Dec 2015

America the Violent (Sing it to the sickening song you know so ******* well)

O beautiful for Donald Trump
Comb-over sent by God
His edicts will surely stump
The most ******* sod.
America! America!
Obese mother of the free
Let cops shoot some coloured folk
Sweet hypocrisy!

#america

Edna Sweetlove Nov 2015

20 words on my girlfriend's suicide

Her suicide left a loneliness
only partly ameliorated by
a good *******
with her bereaved Mum
up both gaping holes.

#*** #****** #explicit #humour #20w #****

Edna Sweetlove Nov 2015

A Clerihew about the Marquis de Sade

The Marquis de Sade was dead keen on ******
And thought those who weren't deserved a lobotomy;
He ******* all his friends both from the back and the front
So on his gravestone they wrote, "Here lies a right ***** ******* ****".

#clerihew #exolicit #de-sade

Edna Sweetlove Nov 2015

Memories of Kos, Greek Isle of Hot Love

Let me tell you a true story of tragic love;
And you had better believe it, for there's no lie.
'Twas on the Isle of Kos that I met Helga one day,
Sitting in a taverna, sipping an ouzo.
I sat down and we soon exchanged a word or two,
Flirting and teasing 'til the sun sank in the sea.
I suggested a walk on the beach (subtle move)
Which is when I received a nice little surprise.
She stood up in all her glory and then I found
That she was well over a eighteen inches shorter than my humble self,
A genuine short-**** with a prosthetic leg to boot
Which promised me something rather special.

Nothing put out, we ended up in my bedroom
And I shoved my hot tongue right up her angelic ****.
"Did you like that?" I enquired (a gent as always)
"It was repulsive," she replied with a slight sneer.
And when we woke up together the next bright morn
I found she had vomited on my bedside jeans,
Before leaving me alone on the encrusted sheets.
Unfortunately the jeans shrunk a bit when I washed the puke out
And their exquisite tightness on my private parts
Reminded me for several days of this amorous encounter.

Was her criticism of my oral skills her unusual Norwegian humour?
Perhaps she really meant to call me her Übermensch?
Maybe it was sarcasm and got lost in translation
So stimulated was she post-orgasmically.
One horrid thought still remains - she might have meant it
(after all, as Nietzsche once said so observantly
"in revenge and in love woman is more barbarous than man.").
And thus I am left with confused memories of that night:
Her face was that of blond angel but her tongue was sharp
And it really was a crying shame about her leg-stump
Which wept slightly.

#saucy