There was a time
you meant the world to me
and holding your hand
was everything
I needed.

I needed you then
with a passion
that overflowed crimson
painting my days
with a tender ache
and colouring my nights
with shades of your smile.

I needed you then,
I still need you now.

But knowing me, I’ll be the one standing on the other side of that burning bridge with a can of gasoline in one hand and matches in the other. And should they ask why I did it I’ll just light a cigarette and say, “it’s times like these you know the true nature of the beast”.

Angry
tormented
but more than
half in love
I’m so sorry
I turned away.

Stuff my hands deep into my pockets. I’ll cut my fingers as I fish for a quick and caustic wit. The reality of life is disinteresting. But I’ll hold onto a host of memories painted with the scent of you.

Memories stay with me like children
Children borne of my own flesh and blood
Children made from me and you
And as my own I will cherish them
As they grow within me
They will keep me warm through cold nights
and lonely days
They will grow sweeter in time
And in time I will learn to love them more than life itself
For that is what I will be left
when all else fails
And on my deathbed they will surround me
And perhaps out of pity
even the worst of my children
may lie to me
Soften the blow and tell me
lies about how it really went
And maybe I will live forever
In the remembered lives
of my progeny
Please remember me fondly.

The pleasure of the text is that once it’s out there, it no longer belongs to the author. It’s now owned by whomever reads it or in some ways, is touched by it. I suppose that now, it belongs to you. Maybe everything I have ever written and will ever write belongs to you. And I hope that you find comfort in these simple words. Because it was only ever meant for you, whoever you may be.

The memory of that summer will coat my tongue with a layer of you. And every so often I will come across a taste, a smell, a sound, or a touch that will awaken the sleeping dragon within. And I will burn like a furnace, from the inside out, longing to gaze upon a face I know better than my own.

Swirls in the wind
do nothing to hide
my raging within
and a flower that blooms
is a flower that dies
all the fragile
vivid blooms
that live for just a few hours,
I can’t help but think
what a waste of beauty
living its life
on the same old lies.

In the absence of the night
Everything wrong seems right
We need more dark
To cover up the crimes of your heart.

I love speaking with you
but I’m afraid
nervous and unsure
of these sentences
I string together
and how you’ll receive them
(they’re yours).

I am lost and weary
a wandering ghost
with vacant eyes
a drunken silhouette
dancing with shadows
in an endless night
whirling in a pool
drowning in the memory
of your crushing kiss.

When I was cold he held my hand. He would often sing a melody that sounded like the gentle rustling of leaves. And just before stepping out into the chilly night air, he would drape himself with a jacket made of stars.

It starts as a pounding heat in the depths of your tummy which radiates out to the palms of your hands. The type of heat that develops into a flame, one that burns and marks your soul with the perfect scent of another person. There it stays and lingers. And that’s when you know you’re ruined for life. Noone else will ever come close to being as perfect.

Somewhere between the giddy of wake and sleep I thought I heard you whisper that I was the poetry in every conversation you’ve ever had. I smiled because the things I want lose out to the one I love.

There’s silence tonight
except for the music
carried off on the wind
the shadows in my room
are bellowing duets with the moon.

The ghosting of fingertips on bare skin. And closer than the vein that throbs in your neck. Close your eyes and imagine me there. In an embrace that chills you right to the core. Holding on like a memory that won’t fade.

When you call at 1 am
vulnerability dangling from every word
your voice stripped down
bare, earnest,
this is when
I love you the most.

The words that long to be heard hover precariously on the edge on her lips. End the monologue of deep breaths and heavy sighs and just ask her already.

You don’t believe in forever
So I guess it was only natural you turn leaving into an art
And you were so good at it, too
So good that I didn’t even realise, that
the first moment you kissed me
you were already planning your goodbye
and what a goodbye it was
It began slowly, quietly as whispers often do
perhaps you really meant it as a promise
but your winter chill touched me and froze me to the bone
Innocently I mistook every gesture, every sigh
as truth
But you were just steadying me for that final moment
And after leading me up the cliff of euphoria
you simply ******* a kiss
and I am free falling
off the edge
No parachute or safety net to catch me
I tumble into the unknown
You’re smiling that smile you always give
Like we had nothing at all
Your face serene

Maybe I should have seen it coming
When you stopped saying “I love you” back
Or did that became just another phrase to utter
when you felt there was nothing left to say?

Like cheap cigarettes or wine
the sour remains but the sweetness reminds
It should be easy to turn back time
But it’s lost like tears in the rain
like cheap cigarettes or wine.

Thoughts of you are in my head
Playing loud and on repeat
Like a stereo I can’t turn off
From the dark into the light
Your kiss is the salve for my broken lips
Maybe I should learn the hymns
To worship at the church of your curves.

I thought you were the boy
with faraway eyes
and then I discovered
that you were
just dumb.

When you grow up
you never know
what you’ll remember
of a lost love.
But now
I remember everything
about you.

Love is
the bullet
you fired
from your
heart straight
into mine.

There’s a silence.
Eager eyes look to me for wisdom, a sound bite, something to keep in their file of ‘things to never forget’.
Don’t you know I’m clueless too?

I’ll love you like the moon loves the ocean. From a distance but always there. And even though there will be times you’ll find it hard to see me. You must know that there’s a smile on my face. For the dance you do as you kiss the shore is one that will captivate me till the sun and the stars burn out one by one and I’m floating in nothing but the essence of you.

How strange
the world changes
from night to day
and back again
without slowing even to acknowledge
that my life will forever be night
because you
are no longer here.

I cried for you
on the kitchen floor
and then decided
I wanted some coffee.

Everyday I ask myself what I can do about this nightmare
before it turns into a giant mushroom cloud exploding in my horizon.
I shudder as I feel the rapture building within, and in the stifling heat
I find myself constantly having to shake myself out of the thought of your lips
as they dance to a heavenly rhythm just before you smile. But these crashing waves are relentless,
dragging me down, robbing me of my escape, as a jealous ocean won’t let me leave,
I am captive in its dark depths …
… staring into the beautiful abyss, I breathe out a prayer,
[consign me
under your gaze
into eternity
with a single
chaste,
but lingering kiss].

Come the weekend,
I’ll tell you goodbye again
and settle into unrequited love
because you linger in every moment
in the mornings you flood the room with light
and in the nights you soak every corner of my dreams.

Perfect is a seven letter word that should not exist because how could you be real?

The way I fall in love
effortlessly
with strangers in cafés
simply
by the type of coffee they order
and how their faces light up
happiness
after the first sip.

Those memories
burn it to the ground
and sear your name
across my heart
ne m’oubliez pas.

On a starless night
step out into the cold

grasp the secrets held tightly in your heart
and kiss the wild blowing sands

with a deep breath open your hands
let me flow free into the winds of regret.

If you would just lift the fog that sits heavily upon your eyes you’ll see an azure sky. The birds swim in delight above you and they’re calling your name. And look how the sun kisses your pale skin. Can you feel it’s gentle bite teasing you? Doesn’t that warmth feel wonderful? Just breathe and let the knot that resides in your chest melt away. No one can be sad on a day like today. Open your sweet eyes to a new beginning. I can assure you the dark damp night has finally left your heart.

I’m a pyromaniac
so what did you expect I would do
when you come in here
looking
so
****
hot.

What the body has remembered
words cannot form into language
muscle memory is touching your side of the bed
heartache is finding it cold and empty.

To her, you’re the spirit that lingers in a house after everyone is gone.
I’ll bet you’re even the nervous insomnia that keeps her up at night.

I love you
and all your make-believe imperfections
Give me your brokenness and your self loathing
Because you are beautiful
and I wish there was a way for me to make you believe
That you’re more than those models on tv
You’re more than your pant size
You’re more than the number on your weighing machine
You’re more beautiful than anyone I know
But you hate your tummy, your arms and your thighs
When these are the things I love the most about you
I also love your lips
I could kiss them forever
I love how they quiver just before ours meet
I love how you stare at me through hooded eyelids soaked in passion and lust
And I love my hands on your hips
As we dance to the beat of two hearts in conversation
But I love your heart the most
as pure and untouched as the first snow that falls on a winters day
When the words “I love you” fall freely from my lips
You ask me,
"What’s wrong with you?"
And I will say,
"Baby, I can see what you can’t and you’re perfect."
"Look in my eyes … don’t you see just how beautiful you are?"

On your side of the street there’s one street lamp flickering
And the stars shine a little brighter
Are you watching or pretending to sleep?
I know you can hear me calling from your side of the street.

On your side of the street are you thinking about me?
When you toss and turn in bed are you wishing it was me?
Do your sheets feel cold like the tears running down your face?
Or do you still pretend it was nothing but a dream?

On your side of the street is that cafe we used to love
Do you remember the coffee and is it bitter like your regrets?
Or that time we danced in the rain under the moon?
On your side of the street where I warmed you in my arms.

On your side of the street I see you’ve turned out your light
You’re so far away but I can almost hear your breath
On your side of the street I feel you hesitate
On your side of the street.

Colour my soul
     in shades of sharp blacks
       with bright whites
    and smoke greys
        between hues of red
    and the tensed nerves
        of this industrial city’s
grim reality.

We don’t speak anymore
but I still hear every word you said
those stinging nettles they hurt like hell
I sit in these dreams
and I know you’re not listening
but right now I wish you would save me
on days when my thoughts
feel like a stranger I’d rather not know
and when my last flicker of hope
dies out like the cigarette I stub
so I turn up the TV to drown out your voice
but nothing helps
I’m too tired to resist
the pull of the waves and I’m drifting off course
without a compass, without a sail
into the unknown where everything takes me back,
to you.

Bill and his girl; is it weird they’re so much like you and I? But instead of traveling some foreign country, ours is a world of distant suns, constellations and galaxies. So much more than Paris, New York or Japan. Dream your wildest dream and I’ll paint it in words on our canvas made of sparkling diamonds. And when we need to rest we’ll lay down on a shooting star and you can tell me where you learnt to smile as bright as the moon on a cloudless night.

So please
no matter what
do not love me for my skin
it’s just a soft shell
easily shed,
cut,
and burnt
love me for how I make you feel.

In the fleeting moments of pleasure
we find happiness.
For we can’t have everything we want
without effort and suffering and problems and tears.

And should they want to know what I think of you? Read this and understand that every alphabet is drenched in thoughts of you. And it would take a thousand words and a thousand more to even begin…

Crashing like a wave
tears resting upon your lips
they fall into me.

Wishing against wishes
that I was the one
holding onto the smoking gun
instead of the one
with the gaping hole
where a beating heart
used to be.

How does a child of the night
embrace a child of the day
except when meeting at twilight
standing face to face
they know not what to say.