Do you remember?
Do you remember the hurt little boy crying in the corner over the pieces of his broken heart?
I do.
Do you remember that little boy crying over the loss of his innocence?
I do.
Do you remember that little blue-eyed girl quietly arriving and listening to him cry, trying to comfort him with all of her might?
Of course you don't but you know what?
I do.

Do you remember?
Do you remember how quickly she fell in love with him and his adorable imperfections and obsessions?
I do.
Do you remember how he seemed happy again?
I do.
Do you remember them holding hands for the first time, she made the first move, both of their hands nervous and sweaty?
I do, every little detail.
Do you remember the first hug, the first kiss, the nervousness of meeting the parents, the first date?
Why would you?
But I do.
Every day. every hour, every minute
I remember.

Oh, Marcia,
I want your long blonde beauty
to be taught in high school,
so kids will learn that God
lives like music in the skin
and sounds like a sunshine harpsicord.
I want high school report cards
to look like this:

red blood cells live for about four months
white blood cells can live for over a year
skin cells live about two to three weeks

slowly, hour by hour
day by day
week by week
month by month
year by year
my body will die and replace itself

and surely enough
some day
eventually
i will have a body you never touched
and hair you never pulled

For being being high and
way too cool,
we're sentencing you to
an eternity in hell.*

Down here, they got nothing to sell,
and even if they did, sell it they would not.
I was banished, sent down here to rot,
got a dude shooting up,
staring at me with a lot of snot
dripping from his nose,
nobody is telling him where his little sister goes,
cause if they did, shoot it they would not,
he's the guy with the dope
and dope talks
(and nobody walks).
He gets what he wants when he wants it
and if you were to tell him his little sister
****** your **** for junk you bought from him,
brother I'm afraid you'd never smell roses again.

Not that you would,
there's a terrible lack of pretty things
just poetry, and rap songs to sing.
Knock on wood, cause you got what I don't,
smoke it while you can,
cause I will if you don't.

Oh ****,
I'm bad at rhyming,
please step outside while I prepare a hit
of something strong.
Boy its been too long
since I stuck that needle in my arm.
A ****** in need
is a ****** indeed,
and oh ****,
that's just plagiarism,
you'll let it slide, this ain't ******* journalism,
just keep your mouth shut and believe in my cynicism.
Watch out though, don't get overwhelmed by your egotism,
oh ****, that ain't fair
rhyming ism with ism
but boy, life ain't fair.

My father told me what I had to do,
you gotta think long and hard
about why the sky is blue.
Broken bottles produce glass shards,
all out of junk, better sniff some glue.
When I first started using nobody said it would be this hard,
hell nobody said anything at all. except for you.

Now I'm just desperate searching my vocabulary,
accidentally stuck the needle right through my capillary,
I want blood and money: My Life As A Teenage Mercenary.
Don't worry, they got the good **** down at the apothecary,
make you so high you can fly like a fairy.

I must be bored, nothing I'm saying makes any sense,
no please don't show my sister, she might call me dense,
she'll remove the shrouds, destroy all the pretense.
Robbing my moms purse, scrounging up a few cents.
Hell if I had any sense I'd stop writing now,
call God and return him his crown,
but he's uptown and I'm downtown,
a sad clown
a dad frown
a mad ballgown.

It's funny how love is so complicated
Only because of how simple it is

Love complicates our situations
But because of this love, you're delighted to change

Things are exciting again

I can't sleep at night
I'm not in love
I swear
It's just flirting right?

It's just mindless questions


And cute texts

...

And pictures of hearts

*****

They told me I looked beautiful
in that long purple dress,
and I so would have liked to compliment them back
and carry on a conversation-
but I only said "thank you"
and could not force another word out.

I don't understand why it's so hard.
Why my brain shuts down
in fear of having to speak.

why when he jokes about his fear of Luna Bars
my mind laughs and says "and why is that?"
but in reality all I said was an awkward "oh?"

why when they attempt to discuss
and associate
and connect
I gain a one syllable one maybe two word vocabulary.

I don't understand why my voice is so afraid.

I pushed you away, because you were starting to love me
I heard it in your voice one night
When you called me gorgeous
and you said my name
Sarah
And it ran off your tongue like you were meant to say it
So I pushed you away
I ignored your messages
And I dismissed your IMs
But you kept at it
You kept calling me gorgeous
You kept saying my name
Just like that
And I hate you for loving me
But I can't stay away
So
STOP

Let's be friends
please?
I won't send you pictures
Or say your name
I'll play your games
and I'll talk to you
As long as you don't love me

I need you to message me
Just like he did
I need you to say my name
Just like he did

Even though you're better
and sweeter
and more thoughtful
and you remember what I say
and talk about what I like
and say Beyonce is you favorite

I don't want to love you
Please
I don't want to