am I done changing
or have the changes already occurred

are you going to wait for me
or is it too difficult to stay put

do I hate being around others
or is it a flaw I can fix

when will I feel you next to me?

when will I learn to swim across the black lake,
the final nautical miles of my insecurity

are you going to be there?
or have the waves only begun to rise...

-

feeling it
cornrows blasted by tulmoultous dust storms engulfing the plains
gunshot wounds to the hand
a teenager and his dad's cockfight
building split by the demolition team

can't really put it into words

my enveloping ambitions kick the family chair away from this hanged man's goal

i'll change

and finally I will be strong

do I really have to get up and go donate plasma for $20?

is it necessary for me to wake up at 8am when I have nothing to do?

will I become something more than a transient
laying in bed,
on a chair,
walking back from the kitchen and sitting back down again?

these people i have met,
are they the last performance?

while processing slow, doesn't my mind want something more?

will I become my attainable dream?

how many times can you start your personality over from scratch before you have to lock it in?

do these pieces you've obtained really make you?

does my nightly introspection bring me tears, or is it just another night of being tired?

i am the strongest

another 4:12 goes by

my hand still stings
from the night I used it to punch through her wall
when I walked on the frostbitten sidewalk
and it broke my fall
when i got sick of hearing her talk and typed
"don't call me anymore"

those days weren't too long ago, really

i got my solace in the end that their winter's grasp dripped away from my body when your spring sun showed up
and gave way as your burning summer wildfire lit my coal'd heart

maybe this time its different
or maybe its not

i guess I'm not too bothered
either way
------

i'm always looking for new members for this circus

our first show for you tonight is the incredibly ambitious boy
he's always alone and craving attention
he who has realized his current worth and all he can be
and revels in phantasmagoria eternal
yet never steps out of his mind

next, we have a guest performer for you tonight
hailing all the way from ???
she is a gorgeous lady with a somber past and an uncertain future
never in one place too long, this disappearing act will keep you in your seat begging for more

our third act is the content boy
whom has sated his desire and no longer feels the fire burning down his house, a miracle you have to see to believe
he can spend days doing the routine he has done all his life and let the weeks pass him by and forget all he has done, not even thinking about the consequences of inactivity

the ******! the fourth act!
we have the melancholy boy!
never before have you been filled with pity quite like this!
he has realized what has happened with him, as he has done many times before!
reaching out for a branch to break his burning descent, he grabs for the girl and prays for forgiveness!

our fifth act, our final act, is weeks of silence.
our hero remembers who he is and the flaws of his character
"finally i can get some sleep"
he murmurs to himself
as he rubs his eyes,
brushes his teeth,
and eats his breakfast