The Mellon

The Mellon Jul 2017

I spend time today staring into my wall.
I suppose I can give the ceiling a break.
I stared at that yesterday.

A part of me worries that my intensity might spark a fire in the wall and burn a hole.

Then I remember my intensity can't spark much of anything.
Be it love.
Be it fire.

I've stared into her eyes with a cousin of this same intensity.
One a little less
Gloomy.

I saw myself in her eyes.
Not because I belonged their,
But because her eyes were a mirror
Never letting me
In.

The funny thing is,
I like to think that if I write long enough
My romantic view of the world will
Blossom

Like a daisy.

Well.

It won't.

The world I live in is dark. The soil unfit

Unyielding.

If I try to dig down so I can plant,
My fingers scrape on broken glass-

Or was that a broken heart.
Hard to tell these days.

So I return to the wall.
Only when I burn my eyes at it all I can see is the fragments of my
Heart.

Thrown like throwing stars into the plaster.

Remnants of a heart broken one too many times.

The Mellon Jun 2017

A Simple Hug.

I fear the arms of love and comfort.

I do not fear them as if they mean harm,
As truly no such harm can be meant from
Love and Comfort.

I fear them because if they wrap around me,
They will discover how broken I am.

They will uncover how small I have become and how broken I am.

I fear them because they will shed light on
Me-
And my pitiful existence.

If the arms of my love were around me,
I would implode in on myself
Like a poorly made bomb.

Nothing would be safe as my scream of
Wishful comfort
Projects out of the kicked puppy of my soul.

The irony is that the only thing that will ever repair my dejected self,
Is the arms of love and comfort.

The Mellon Jun 2017

Hyperventilating Thoughts.

I'm in the backseat.
The world is flashing by me in the window.

Trees
Fields
Farms
The occasional pond.

All of it and none of it,
What does it matter.

Today I left the Harbor
Of my school.

My ship is heading for unknown waters.

Yet I sit here in the backseat.
She is driving.
The girl of my dreams.

She is driving, my mind is in turmoil.

We are leaving.
I won't see her for who knows how long.

I won't see any of them...
I break

The Mellon Jun 2017

Luna

I love you.
A declaration I sneaked in as we friends joke.

Caleb says no no no, I love you more.
I disagree.

I confess how I love her like the moon loves the oceans. Night after night Luna stairs down at her beloved,
Casting her gentle glow on her face.

But the waters care not.
At night they only have eyes for the promised dawn.

I say how I am like Luna. I see my beloved in the distance.
Close but so far.

But I will always be out done by the sun.

Once in a great while,
I block out the sun.
Even if for only a brief moment,
The Grace of the waters see me.

It is those moments that keep me alive.

Even if I died, my love would live on.

Like ever present Luna I would always watch over the waters.

I would because truly Loving someone means wanting the best for them,
Even if their best doesn't include you in their life.

For her. My secret Love never known. Never may she know...

#lonely #love #longing

The Mellon Jun 2017

I'm in Love and there's nothing I can do about it

I'm in love and there's nothing I can do about it.

It wasn't on purpose,
So don't give me that look.

I didn't choose this folly,
It is doomed before it will begin.

You see. I'm not in love with just
A cute face
Or a nice smile

I'm in love with Grace
And it's been coming for awhile.

I knew her when I was young.
I guess you could say she's my childhood hero.

You know most people look to Superman-
Or wonder woman-
Someone.

I looked up to the person who saved my life.

No she didn't take a bullet or anything.
She talked to me.
She became my friend.

My first one at the age of 11

Sure I had a couple people I called friends,
But they couldn't match this girl.

She boggled my mind.

I was suicidal.
With Grace I loved life.

Nothing there has changed.

She drove me to become who I am today.

So here I am now.

Nineteen and in love.
There's nothing to do.
I know she's not interested, and we're both leaving the area for college.
So I'm in love, and there's nothing I can do.

So do me a favor, and tell the person you love that you do,
Because it's something I won't be able to do.

#love #compassion #hopless #broken

The Mellon Jun 2017

Horror. Bloddy horror. Explicit.

The blood beneath my skin is racing

My breath is short
Short
So short

The feeling of terror overcomes me
It's a sickne--
The Scream booms threw me
I throw my fave backwards
I cling to my friends around me
I feel a hand around me too
They are trying to help me

**** it screamed again
My heart is beating
Beating
Beating

The music
It's building
The slow drone of a high pitched whistle
It's building
It's coming
**** what was that
In the corner
In the ******* corner
****.
I'm back in my friends arm
I'm pretty sure I'm crying
I can't tell
I'm blocking everything

Laughter this time
I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm done.

Help me

Scream

Hel-
Scream

Don't let go.
Don't. Let. Go.