Dear friend,

I couldn't find the answer today, for why the world is turning. A half-dozen lovers in a timeless frame, are now but bridges burning. The coffee makes me feel like hell in the morning, whenever morning is an option. You see, I've fallen for a misery, I have become the local burden. They invite me out to harmonise their doubt, over trends we have seen before; the brief salute from a military brute; the human cost of war.

It's been a misery for days and days – weeks and weeks if I tell the truth, but I have been baying at the nail, and sharpening the tooth. I think money is a postcard lover who promises salvation, but in truth can only under-achieve against cigarettes and meditation. The Bowl has been singing to me, but I cannot understand a word,  at times I think I hear the answer, or else the passing of an airborne ****.

Forgive me for crudeness, or for my vague choice of tone, I am kissing my pillow in my sleep, but waking up all alone. From that I have decided that I've got to ask for more, so I am slipping up my sentences, to become a well-spoken bore. I hope you find the answer each time you sip on tea, some heat upon your lips and tongue, some red blossoms on the tree.

I am going now I promise you, I'm serving out my time, I am going to hang out with my father, I'm going to chase it down with wine. For all the good I had desired to do, I am committed to this crime, don't drink in bed, do drugs instead, and do not forget to write.

with love.
Jack.

strange faces
in a crowded bar
6 PM
business attire
some are young
still full of passion
some are ready
to retire

chatter hums
about things
that may just matter
to them
but to me
it's nonsense

like a passing train
steel wheels clattering
against well traveled rails
strange faces
forward, empty stares
moving so quickly
they blur into nothing
and dissipate from memory

no sooner
do crossing gates rise
and we drive
as if nothing
has happened

Hands hug a ceramic mug
warm like the touch of a lover.

Lips pressed firmly to the rim
met with a tender caffeine kiss

We no longer speak
but I conversate with you.
I transverse through
every syllable I ever spoke,
every gesture,
every lie,
every joke,
and every poem
I ever wrote.

We no longer speak
but I've been talking to you;
in dark rooms at strange hours
unable to sleep;
sometimes on clear nights
under a menacing moon
allowing its bright light
to wash me in its purity.

We no longer speak
and it’s time I stopped,
stopped reliving every mistake
stopped thinking,
stopped wondering,
and stopped loving you
because the gravity
that once drew us together
now pushes us apart
and with each rotation
I the moon go further
and further from the earth’s heart.

Coffee stained napkins
with naked truths
written all over in red ink.

Nothing worth publishing,
not even something
you’ll let friends see.

This is that real ****
that only you can read.

The mean things you say to yourself
when you’re not acting cool
in front of others.

The fantasies you dare not speak
in front of your mother
or even your closet lovers.

This is that real ****
that only you can read.

The stuff you deny in mixed company
even though you hate to lie.
That **** you want people to find.

But you won’t ever show them
because you think you’re ****** up;
so you lock it up inside that chest.

This is that real ****
that only you can read.

These are the kinds of words
that get torn up and thrown out
before you leave the café.

This is that real ****
that only you can read.

Streaks

from worn out wipers

dented cans, plastic wrappers

the glow of a cigarette ****

lying comfortably 
in the ashtray

white knuckles tight

on a weathered wheel

empty roads

cold and black

eyes tired but open

like trucker stops

or roadside diners

with the neons

still on

I keep driving

teetering between

my existence

and a sweet dream

I’d slip into that slumber

if not for the passengers

still fast asleep
in my back seat

So I keep driving

as quiet 
and as lonely

as it may be

I keep driving

because 
somebody

is putting
 their trust
 in me

I see her there
soaking in the bath
the water as warm as her flesh
she floats, suspended in emptiness
melting slowly as she gazes

I see her there
wine in hand, unfulfilled
by her intoxication
bored by reality, just jaded
by the whole affair of breathing

I see her there
thoughts of drowning
in a ceaseless sea
of forgettable people
with forgettable faces

I see her there
but she does not see me
I am the red stain on her teeth
the warm water inviting her to sleep
I am death, and oh so quietly
do I creep.

An absent father's failure with an inhaler in hand

Insecurity seething from his skin

Manifesting it's self as bulbous red abrasions on his forehead

A heavy breathing child who's eyes were often aimed low

His expectations for life even lower

A little over weight but not enough to concern his pediatrician

He cut gym class a lot because of the showers

Now fourteen he had seen a few ******

He knew he didn't match up

It was better that no one knew he thought

He went on living like this

A pale shadow hovering in the halls

A faceless nobody in the background of someone else's group photo

A ghost who was only noticed by those who tortured him

Bullies like sharks can smell blood in the water

And he was chum

I still vividly see the feeding frenzy

I still remember the day we were told he took his own life

NO shrieks, NO cries, NOT even a whimper was heard

Almost a concerted sigh of boredom

That night there was a party

Not to celebrate his death

But an apathetic gesture of his nonexistence

I attended as was socially expected of me

Even wore a smile

But my mind wrestled with his suicide

I thought of how much I hated him

I hated the smell of his weakness

I hated the 'poor me' attitude

I hated him for taking his own life

Leaving me to feel guilty

That I had done nothing to help him

As if I was responsible in some way

...