My mother on Christmas
Bitter over wine and a stronghold
That pulls her over the edge
Screaming in a restaurant
In an intimate setting
The full course meal
On the table
And the core issue
Placed at the center
Sitting across from me
Sitting within me
A collapsed mother
An unmothered mother
Complex
Demanding to be felt
Demanding to heal
The illusion is real
Forcing her to hug me
She kept shoving me off
Like my father was beating her
A memory she spends lots of time with
I locked in
And she somehow sent me
To the ground
I picked myself up
And closed my body
Around her again
Until the fight out of her eyes
Blew out and she cried
And I looked through her
And said,
"You are an amazing human being
Thank you for everything
I desire your growth"
Unconditional love
That's what it takes
And she broke

I hate putting my hands
In soil
Dirt under finger nails
And the substance
Feels just like clay
And I hate clay
Because I dressed
The corpse of my
Best friend
For her funeral
And she felt like that
I touched her and
She was made of clay
Moldable and rotting
As I brushed make up
On her cheeks
And so I can't touch the
Dirt because I know what
Corpses feel like
This is a story the old Crone
Told to me overlooking the
Garden on her balcony
I could only help but wonder
Why she couldn't accept the
life/death/life cycle....
The Crone hates the dirt
Because she was afraid to die

If I did not notice the Silence,
I would not know varieties of Sound
If I did not know of barren desolation,
I would not meet with Wonder the Nature of The Mother
If not blankets of numb Paralysis take Me
I could not feel Elation of Sensation
If not He, then not She
Duties of Duality is precurse to Selfless Compassion
To Change the World, One must know the Scales of Balance that Mediate the Self, once in Centerline, the Soul can Shine a brilliant Intention that Manifest in Action an Energy of Transformation aligned with Earth. Our Prayers be Heard and appreciated, accepted in Heart of the World shall cometh forth a prosperity and Worth Divine for You and I
So all the Children will Understand Intuitively, merging Mind Eternally. Destiny entwined with Currents We Ride, You decide the Destination.

There are those truly Wrenching, Heartwarming Moments where I Die a Little Death.

Fall back into the flow
just let go
of your
Vortical Love
Tumble tuck
Drop kick down
through
the vacuum
Sea of me
Be Free
with our bodies
Sacred Space
In descent naturally


in all four
Aspects of Me.

Perfectly positioned friction
to spark ignition of your
fire spinning crimson
Cosmos Creation.

I will hold you tight always
never to fall too far
from my Embrace.

Then upwards in my arms
you go rising round and round
soaring swiftly up through space
climbing to your Peak of Power
Falling perfectly in Place.

I see her
black hair, whitening
like chalk on my hands
eyes gouged out
leaving sockets
round as a pill-bug

I hear her whisper
raucous like pipes
too small to hold steam
she wants me to live
like a hermit

She's followed for years
a faithful housekeeper
she needs to be fired

My sleep has been fried
rattling clocks on walls
too loud for me to sleep

Her exorcism is coming
like a warm milk bottle
she can't stay here
it's time to go

Sun rays fill me
like a gas can
fueling my body
before the fumes catch fire

Seething scarlet spreads
venomous centipedes
tearing at my flesh
planting eggs in my back

At night the worms hatch
burrowing through tissue
like a rusty saw through bone
Spiders scratch
their legs like cheese graters
removing my skin

Finally the bugs leave
like the end of mass
leaving an ineffective husk
that can only be used

as a scarecrow

Loneliness
an edge piece
of a giant puzzle
stuck under the couch

Loneliness
the sixteen year old cat,
too old for happiness,
that has to be put down

Loneliness
that one friend
always canceling
like a tornado drill
becoming a false alarm

Loneliness
a filled room
everyone busy
checking phones
like they're waiting
waitng for orders

Loneliness
craving attention
like it's lemon juice
too sweet in large doses

Loneliness
a flask filled
unknown substance inside
risking life with a sip
like a game of blackjack