" I hate them all, I hate them all
I hate myself
For hating them
so I'll drink some more
I'll love them all
I'll drink even more
I'll hate them even more than I did before. "

I'm tired of waking up in the same bed and the sun shining on my face
I'm tired of the carpet the bottom of my feet slide slide against
I'm tired of the cold door **** I turn and completely sick of the cigarette I put to my lips
Long drives to places that don't matter
Places that don't matter to me nor anyone
The noises the tires against the road make drives me crazy
Kind of like you did
But a little less self inflicting
The "Coffee shirt" I called
The brown coffee stain that still is engraved into the fibers of my white t shirt
I cant help but to reminsice the memories we never fully shared
All the times I never fell asleep or woke up with you
But yes dear you are every thought in the cranium space above my neck
And yes you are every unfinished poem besides my waste bin
Like the little piece of plastic at the end of my shoe lace
It doesn't matter anymore
And sometimes I don't care
My eyes are just hanging low
My finger tips burn
And I'm 6 feet beneath the moon with anywhere but you to go
Its Ok
Its more than Ok

Recycled words, blistering cold from the four shots I never drank
Reflection of teenage angst and heart break fog up my windows
But you being away never bothered me anyways
Wait....
Maybe I lied a little
Maybe just maybe, I still read your letters on a Tuesday morning with the scent of burnt toast cloaking the house
Maybe I still find your underwear at the bottom of my laundry basket or the words you wrote for me on a crumbled up paper besides my blue waste bin
**** it and see you never know

If could only state how I felt the first day I walked passes you awkwardly staring at you from the side of my eye
How your eyes almost wiped out everything around then
And your voice, the moment the sound hit my ear drum, I fell for you
Sometimes I'd sneak into room
Just to slowly creep in your head quietly to read your thoughts pages by page
Sometimes I would sneak into your body and sleep in your rib cage
And sometimes I wrote songs about you
I could never let the memory of the scent on your bare skin and how your tongue tastes slip from me
But I now know I could never hold your heart again
And your buried 6 ft inside of me
I think there's still some of your DNA on my teeth, I know because it conjures up a sweet taste in the mouth
Oh no
Then everyday I would phone you wed talk about how the weather was and how the vessels in your heart pumped oxygen to my blood
Then one summer night you lounged and you layed you're pale body on my should, me and my heart knew, we just knew
But then you said "My love I cannot stay, I've been here once too many"
And I grinned the whole night but my tear ducts tore and I shed
Now I spend my days in bed covered in crumbs
Sad but I agree

Yes my darling, you are every unfinished poem besides my waste bin
And yes you are every thought that clouds the cranium space above my neck
But just know you were my destination
You weren't a pit stop or a cheap motel where I could kick up my fit and leave when the nights over
Its hard to remember how it felt before I met you
Now I slowly start to feel the lava rising up to my bottom lip and the taste of blood as it flows out my mouth
I feel the steam as it comes out my ears and fogs up my room

' Low lights and long nights
I try hard to not remember
And you, too beautiful
I can't look
I've done so very many stupid things
it's too late... remember '

I feel it again
The despair I felt in the dead of last winter
He said I should leave you behind
But I know, the thought of you will always linger
Every night I try to put you out like a burning cigarette
But the embers spark up my dry throat and start a blazing fire
I keep thinking about the park
And the bench we sat on
The trees we compared ourselves to
Your smile projected the light that reflected off the rancid polluted lake
The dead stars the lit up the sky when I walked you home
And most of all the clumsy words that revealed what my heart had to say

Simple words; you left...

Hard to miss, you can take me home.
I'd rather be anyone than to be alone.
Marlboro-stained teeth
have my lips controlled.
Don't mistake the chemicals
for our souls.

I move with the waters inside your ribcage.
Because when I drown in you,
it's the perfect place.

Softly, please, taking off our clothes:
I can see the kisses that have left holes.
You've been acid-washed
by love that wasn't stronger.
Take off your armor,
so you can stay here longer.

Your face is as cold
as the place I found you in.
You can let go of the hurt
trapped beneath your skin.

I keep warm in your fire that beats fast.
To be alone with you, it to be, at last.

Hard to miss, I will take you home.
You can be anyone, rather than be alone.
Remove your shoes, but not your heart.
You can stay here, as our world falls apart.