staring down a loaded gun
my mortality mocks me

fading away a little each day.
another decision, made for me

just wanted to leave a mark.
do good, make a difference

its getting dark now; too hard to stay awake.
loneliness echoes when all your hours are spent asleep

-


i’ll talk and talk
until the void talks back

feel alive
i don’t want to, i don’t mean to
grasping for an anchor i can’t find
begging to cause a ripple in lives i could never change

i have always been so small
too quite to hear
too agreeable
never really here

insignificant. invisible.
it’s inevitable -
you’ll forget me
and
i’ll forget me too

I cradle hurricanes in my ribcage
while words swirl around my head.
I try to catch the good ones-
but mostly, I wish I was dead.

I do everything too much-
the joy, the sorrow, the dread.
Yet somehow, I’m never enough-
what a curious truth to be force fed.

If I laugh, it’s always too loud;
my mouth too sharp to make anyone proud.
Crying is a dangerous game,
I could sob away a city, drown in the blame.

My rage leaves no survivors,
as if I line people up on personal pyres.
When I vent, they hear preaching-
a sermon no one wants, a fear of my leeching.

I don’t love, I dissect-
obsessively search for the trap I expect.
I can’t just leave; I burn it all down-
the bubbly, funny girl wears a permanent frown.

I do too much and my inner child feels seen,
She's acting out, we aren't this mean
I just get scared when the vibe is off, and ruining the mood makes the blow more soft.

Despite the chaos I still crave love, an equal partner, wearing fireproof gloves.

Tell me your secrets
Tell me your sorrow
All of your regrets
Your dreams of tomorrow
If I asked you to stay
What would you say
Would you tell me right away
Or make it a game we play

i let it all get the best
of me
again

i don’t know why