lost in the static of the stars
searching for any bit of shine
maybe a twinkle, maybe a sparkle
anything that’ll stop the stagnancy

trapped and gasping for air
stuck taking in the atmosphere  
watching everything fade away
trying so hard just stay alive

surrendering all our should be’s
tearing cables until they break
leaving all those stars behind
forgetting all that glows between

trying not to cry -
while letting all hope die.

-

hearing
listening
talking
seeing

touching
tasting
wanting
feelin­g
                         me.

tracing the strings backwards  
pinning moments on the board
becoming entangled by a feeling
—that doesn’t have a word

unravel the ties
to keep from fraying
weave in and out
to stop each craving

knit my words into your mind
stitch your chords inside mine  

intertwine to turn back time
find a way to feel just fine

powerless to my emotions.
paralyzed by my thoughts.

i want to taste laughter -
remember the ocean at night.
see the stars, smell the salt,
hear the joy echo in the air.
i want to feel alive again.

powerless and paralyzed.
ashamed for needing -
just a little too much.

a cataract of emotion overflowing.
there’s no end in sight.
no wet floor signs.
no life jackets.

i’ve always had a problem pouring too much.
spilling my guts on the floor,
making a mess of it all,
waiting to see how far i could possibly -
fall.

i don’t mean to
i didn’t mean to

my cup is empty and still it never ends.
the water on the floor is turning to ice.
it’s getting colder and colder -
i’m running further and further.

i don’t mean to
i didn’t mean to

i’ll keep trying to run.

-

deep breaths.
do it again.
keep breathing.
do it again.
keep trying.
do it again.  

-

i wake up in a sweat, but i am so cold
i check the clock, its only been an hour
i haven’t slept in such a long time

far, or near
i can always feel it

am i the moth
or am i the flame

-