In the past I have given in to a vice
to the point i feel as if i have ruined my life
lost purpose to live
lost my pride or any reason to be proud
i have dug myself into a hole
that has burrowed deep into my soul
i forgot who i was
but this is a promise to myself
That 5 month from now
I will be out of this abyss
i will grind harder that i ever have before
for this one goal
i will live with sole purpose
of taking back my soul

5 steps forward
8 steps back
Then I slipped and fell
tumbled down into hell
My soul forced to sell
Trying to climb out
But i'm chained to a boulder
That alone I cannot shoulder
Something I thought I would never need
I'm can no longer do this by myself
I'm here
asking for help

How am I to survive in this world
when you have left me for another
you were my diary my adviser and friend
but some man with a mask brought you to an end
who is he to take what i loved
you were taken from me by a bullet
its crazy cause when i think about it
you were like my gun
i...nothing but a bullet
when anger overwhelms
you were the safety the kept me from poppin off
when i lost all motivation
you were the gunpowder that pushed me forward
when i was lost
you were the barrel
you pointed me in the right direction
a gun made out of love in affection
the opposite of the tool destruction
that emptied you from chamber of this world
Now i have no gun
anger is now my gunpowder
and the safety barrel are gone
so anyone who is around should run
cause i'm popping off at everyone
in any every direction
A weapon of mass destruction
destroying everything I see

including me

My heart starts to rush
as i see her from the corner of my eye
my cheeks start to blush
as i watch her beauty pass by

sometimes try to say hi
but i grow weak
unable to the speak
im brave so atleast i try
but i only managed a wave
which feels more like goodbye

My knees start to wobble
and i feel as if my about to topple
im too old to have a crush
but here i am trying to talk to you
and the only sound is hush

Gibberish
its all i can come up with
then you leave
after i said something wierd

I hold whole conversations with myself
"why would you say that?
whats wrong with you?
dont you want to her know you like her?
next time you should ask more questions
and get her to talk
dont you know you talk to much
and sometimes cut her off"

I can barely talk to her
then i realize
how can i expect myself to make the first move
Leaning in to place a kiss
i blush so hard
my shoulders turn red
my chest is pouding
i can hear my heart in my head
and thats just when i think about it

she's the most beautiful thing in this world
and im just a boy mind has completely unfurled
just by looking the eyes of the only girl

It's those moments
Right before you jump off a cliff
When your heart doesn't just beat
But hits you in the chest
Trying to push you back
From this leap your about to make
Forcing your body to take
Against all fear
That excitement
That adrenaline
that fills your veins
When your feet leave the ground
And there's no coming back
As your falling down

I live for those moments
Because in life there are only a few
Like first time I looked in your eyes
And the first time I said I love you

Hi
Good morning
or goodnight
not sure how to put it
at 3:30 am
but I'm thinking bout you
and I hope that's cool
cause i feel like i just made myself a fool
but i dont regret anything i do
just know
If I'm a fool
Its cause i'm a fool for you

You can have anything you want,
but you can't have everything.
The time comes in everyone's life
where they must choose what's worth risking

I've been living day to day,
chasing something I can't even see.
It's a competition I didn't know I was in,
until I realized I was losing.

Now what's at stake and what I have left
is being weighed by Justice's scales.
All I'm left with is the skeleton of who I used to be
and a face that I barely recognize as my own...

Do you know how much it hurts
To lie and pretend
After everything
That I like just being your friend

She is steadfast and strong
Clean of heart and mind
This is where she belongs
And i want her heart as mine

Satisfied in being
Rather than seeming
Theres no one more appealing
Even when i am dreaming

She is of humble birth
but of noble worth
And she sees the same
In everyone on earth

She wears pink one Wednesday
In the fight against cancer
And its because of her one day
We will find the answer

She is humble in success
Without bitterness in defeat
She is one of the best
There is no one you will meet
Who is as worthy to pursue
One so devoted
To the Right, the Good, and the True

It's With a girl of
Zeta Tau Alpha
I fell in Love
The greatest of all things

A good life
is a compilation of bad decisions
and risks taken
no regrets for the life i've led
my only regret
is what's left unsaid

I run to my car
and speed to the ER
there's blood on my face
running like a flood
stuck in a death race
i fear that i might die
because im bleeding from my eye
i finally get to the nurse
but the pain just gets worse
she asks me whats wrong
theres a pain in my heart
but im bleeding from my eyes!
i see, so when did this start
i  tell her about you
how i had a strang feeling in my chest
from the moment that we met
it felt good so i thought it was for the best
but the pain didnt start
until the moment that you left
she told me i need to rest
and cleaned my face
dont worry, this is a very common case
you have a broken heart
well in your case it was torn a part
basically on your heart the is a tear
it happens a lot even though love is rare
when heart is broken, your body lets out a tear
its like blood but it comes out clear
its like that since you have nothing left inside
don't worry you will be fine
the fact you can talk is a good sign
your heart will heal with time
and you will be back in your prime
so how do i keep this from happening again
its a hard fight to win
your heart will be stronger once it has healed
after that you just have to keep it sealed

setting goals worth achieving
saying no words without meaning
trusting only those worth believing
putting my heart in girl worth loving
looking for sights worth seeing
carrying any weight worth lifting
taking on any pain worth bearing
rescuing everything worth saving
indulging in things worth sining
letting go of affliction for those worth forgiving
staying in my own world that's not worth leaving
sharing anything worth giving
looking in the mirror at a man worth being
i'm living a life that's worth living

I sit here looking in the mirror
at a man i dont know
a man?
can i even call my self that
after my actions of last night
how can i be a man
how can i pride myself on being a gentleman
when all i do i sin
two girls in one night
one in the pool
and one in my morning sight

im disgusting to me
and what do other people see
ive become what i hate most
while "men" sit there and call me a player
like its some kind of toast
a compliment of sorts
as if its something i should boast
these boys think they see a man

a man.....
is that what i am?

Here lies an empty chest
at the bottom of a cave
and through a maze
carefully hidden to protect whats left
if you knocked against the hard exterior
you would hear an echo in what seems like a distant abyss
nothing but darkness
a pulsating sound is the only sign of life
everything else seems motionless
once a hiding place of great treasure
has been ravaged and robbed
everything of value stolen
there is nothing left
but an empty chest

There you were
standing in the middle of the room
when you saw him; your eyes met
and he came right up to you

maybe this time will be different
and he will end that ironic trend

but then,
he too


asked you about your best friend.

I'm drunk
And that's the only time I speak your name
When everyone else is gone
Your the one I want by my side
But when I wake in the morning
It will have just been another night.

The sky was a dark blue
with a hint of purple
the way the moon played off the clouds
as the stars leaped across the sky
and the wind stood still
As if no natural laws
Governed this night
even time seemed to stop and pause
as soft touch was felt against my lips
almost as if in awe
my eyes opened and that is what i saw

I'm here
Listening to this music
Over and over again
I listen to the same thing
Over and over again
The same lyrics
Hoping you hear it
But I ball my hands in a fist
As i realize theres nothing left
But this playlist

If I could describe in words
This feeling my heart
Then this would the wildest poem
And the most beautiful art

It's taking everything I have
Not to talk to you
Everything I have
Not to convince you
Not to explain
Because with every thing I am
I want you
But your telling me your happy
And that's more important than me
So I'll smile when you see me
So you dont feel guilty
So you cant see my pain
You don't need to know
That ever since I watched you leave
I've reached a brand new low
And It hurts just to breath
But as long as your happy
I don't want you worrying about me

I think about you all the time
All day theres only you on my mind
You are a star in the night sky
Even when out of sight your always there
But when night comes around and I look in the night sky
All I can do is stare

I came in and sat at your bar
did i take it too far
did i get too real
by telling you how i feel
while having my meal
maybe i used the wrong words
or do you think i was drunk
cause there is no amount
of bourbon and coke
that can make what i said a joke
"i want you to be mine"
i meant that
and im not taking it back

Think of you all the time
Said we're over but was lying
There's not another i could find
That could compare to you
So just give me one more sign
Im asking for a clue
Don't care if i have to wait in line
Go through these other guys, i dont mind
I will wait in line until your mine
I will wait untill you see
That you truly do belong with me

She came in a summer breeze

And left with the autumn  leaves

Now I think of her

Whenever I see bare trees

Pain sadness and fear

i was left with these...
feelings i can't appease
they rarely go away
atleast never with ease.
and when ever i get close,
my heart will freeze
put my feelings behind my head
as they put me behind bars
when i look around my cell
theres nothing keeping me in
nothing but Scars

I'm really tired of being the bigger man
I hope you respect everything that I am
Cause I'm giving up on you
So you can be happy too
And I mean that to both you two
Cause at first you said it was casual
but now if we are being factual
It's quite the opposite
And that's why I letting go of it
So I hope you can think this is a little sappy
But really I just hope you both are happy





But down below all of this
I still feel a little ******

I looked over at my bestie
My biffle if you will
More of a woman now
For we have grown
Over the last ten years
And losing her has become
One of my biggest fears
I thought of the advice i was once told
By some one who was quite old
And now im wondering how this will end
His advice
"Marry your best friend"

You did me wrong
always said i was your best friend
should have seen it all along
you see, i dont see you in the same way
not like i use to
i feel like you need to pay
how could you tell me to home
i spent your birthday all alone
while you were at your party
i was the least of you worries
thought you would want me there
but it seem you'd rather lie to me
i told all my friends this story
how i took you to your birthday dinner
but barely talked to me
none of you friends knew me
still you didnt introduce me
and everyone there went to your party
everyone but me
because you didnt invite me
"so what are you gunna do?
are you gunna go home?
because you cant come"
my friend told me to treat you the same
like you did me, leave you in the cold
our relationship is getting old
i see now what it means your best friend
said you would be there till the end
you commited the ultimate sin
so now it seems we're near the end
you just lost your bestest friend

I need help
i'm stuck in a place with no time
there are no clocks on the wall
phones arnt allowed
and im appalled
cause i just put up my very last dollar
my rent is sitting on the table
Jack of spades
and a 6 of hearts
seriously is this the **** i get
as my life is picked apart
Why have i worked so hard
just to throw it all way on the flip of a card
yet i cling to this like this is the answer
this is whats going to save me
but im digging a grave
im buried in debt
the dealer has BlackJack
and i have nothing left

Black Out or Back Out

Music blowing in my ear
but temptation is all i hear

inhibitions subside and all that remains is desire
if you told me what i did last night
i would call you a liar

drink in my hand
women in my sight
i can barley stand
one hell of a night

my memory of my actions
as questionable as my actions themselves

everything is blurry
whats wrong, whats right
what did i do last night?
Im starting to worry

That line is so thin
i stumble from side to side
right and wrong
i stumble back in forth
until i swayed into a decision
that maybe i shouldnt have made

the only thing i do remember
is waking up in a place i don't remember

I wrote a poem today
that explained exactly how i felt
a story of emptiness
full of nothing
but possibilities and opportunities
never realized or even tried
but you might think i was crazy
If I ever asked you to read it
because you would just be staring at nothing
but a *blank page

Why would you pretend
to want to see me
why send a smiley
when you arnt smiling cause of me
yea lets hang out
but let  me wait around all day
tell me absolutely nothing
while you spend my time
where you would rather be
while i'm sitting in a chair
waiting for you to get back to me
and now that's twice in a row
you blew me off
and completely wasted
my last day off



that I just wanted to spend with you

Your heart kept me warm
in this freezing tundra of life
but now your hands are chilling
your thoughts are harsh
your eyes freeze my soul
and Im left alone
in the icy darkness
fighting against this cold world
i have no one by my side
facing certain defeat
with nothing but my own body heat

Everything i am is inside this bottle
I struggle with everything I have to find the bottom
But it seems endless and eternal
As i press my mouth to the lip
I sip from this bottle until i feel myself rip
Everything that dwells in the cavity of my chest
Escapes and leaves me
All the pain happiness and anger
Im left looking in the mirror at a stranger
Everything i was before gone
All i am is only what is left within this last bottle
This soon to be empty vessel now looks as i a feel
As hollow as the world i live in
Empty and cold
But i drink to the contrary
To place scolding and crowded
When I reach bottom of this world
And all that I see in life looks to be hostel
That's when ill know
I have finally reached the bottom of the bottle

My heart is on fire
But by the look on my face
No telling how dire
My honor gone with disgrace
Content with being this liar
I hide wounds with grace
Deserving to be admired
I can't stay in this place
Relief is only a require
Nothing but empty space
This is your empire
I have nothing left to displace
No more to inspire
I can't retrace or erase
No pain in this embrace
Doest hurt,  I'm a liar
As burned skin is scraped
I make it seem as if I escaped

my heart is in a cage
the cage is invisible
but my heart is barely visible
hidden behind so many bars that are practically invincible
because every bar is made from a scar
i dont even know how many there are
so many; it seems more like a prison
everytime feelings have risen
they couldnt get break out
and who wants to break into a jail
when every attempt seems to fail
it seems ive been trapped in this cell
ever since that one time i fell (in love)
how long have i been here
i cant even tell anymore
sometimes i just sit and stare at the lock
and everthing that is blocking the door
someday it will open
as long as the lock isnt broken
atleast thats what i'm always hopin
I do believe one day
you will find the key
to this invisble cage
but you better hurry
it only gets stronger with age
beware of  the jokes
and meaningless conversations
that never get serious
because they will turn you away
as i try to run away
but i hope you swill stay
and break these scars
so i can let go of all the pain
and all this rage
stuck inside my rib cage

They say I'm always on the go
that money is the only thing that I know
they say I don't stop for anything
and I'm passionate about what I do
But what they don't know is that I can't stop
If I did
i wouldnt to be able to do anything
but think of you

Things come and go
So is the flow of time
What used to belong to me
Is no longer mine
But i can see in your eyes
You look at me same
would you believe if i told you
The only thing that remains
Of the the person you think i am
Is my name?
I think not
Its nothing i need to prove
But i do wish you could see
How different I am than me

Hey how are you?
Look, please pardon my behavior as of latley
But I came to ask a favor
I know it's been a while
So Sorry if this seems a little weird
But from the beginning this is what I feared
You see the thing is
I'm still stuck on you
So if you would do this favor
That would make you my doom
and my savior
Just tell me it's over between me an you
that you don't have feelings for me too
Cause my brain knows it's true
But my heart can't tell it apart
From a passing moment
Or a future that was heaven sent
Please just say it out loud
So my heart can face the music
So it can let go of these feelings that are now useless
Cause really these thoughts are ruthless
So please lay my hopes to ease
Just do me this one small kindness
it's the least you could do
atleast tell me its over
So I can atleast have some closure

What color are your eyes?
something i will never know
even as i fed you all those lies
an honest gaze i never did show
and now you look away
when ever i enter a room
and what could i say
as i see disgust and anger in your face consume
how sad it is knowing i am to die
with out ever knowing the true color of your eye

little do you know
the danger of those words
when they fly off your lips
more persuasive than a thousand swords
my throat pressed at the tips
with the graceful weight of 2 humming birds
as they pierce my ears
my heart starts grinding its gears
something inside that refuses to subside
pushes my pride to the side
and here appears one of my worst fears
what would happen if you realized
the power you had from inside
absolutely any task
im here standing on my knees
all you have to do is ask
others would have to twist my wrist
but for you it would come with ease
all you have to say
"come on please"

haunted by things that could of been
or are they things that should of been
i guess if they were they would of been
my lack of commitment seems like a sin
when everyone around me is happy
they have someone to be with
they have someone to kiss
when i have nothing but people i miss
all the ones i  really cared about
i forced myself to live without
to me it seems beautiful some how
thinking bout that girl from the past
but i went for another girl
becuase i knew it wouldnt last
now it seem like time is passing by too fast
and im losing the chances that i thougt i would always have with the women i thought would never leave
but they all do
what reason would they wait for me
they dont know how i feel
and they dont know how i am
i didnt let them in
because they were already too close
and thats when we hadnt even kissed yet
its like when you texted me
but i took ten minutes to reply
because im not sure exactly what to say
maybe i should have said
i want you
and i want you to stay

After it was all over
I looked for the light
In myself, I tried
To convince myself it was still alive
Only to find it too had died
I searched for my soul
In the coldness of night
Somewhere in my heart
But it's too dark to see
Its not in here
There's nothing left
Not even the fear of death

So I suggest you leave

We are facing dark times
even though the future may be bright
on this day the sun is hidden
behind thick clouds
with no silver lines
the rain is pouring
the thunder is roaring
and everyone is running
but have faith
for every storm passes
see there is beauty in this rain
just as there is beauty your pain
and meaning to your struggle
so when the clouds finally fade away
when the son comes out
and the lightning stops
when life is its brightest
you will find your self looking back
thankful for your darkest day.

Day one
Day two
It's the only thing I want to do

Day thee
Day four
Taking everything I have not to walk out that door

Day five
Day six
I just want all my problems fixed

Day seven
Day eight
Even sober in their eyes I see hate

Day nine
Day ten
No matter what I do I can't win

11 12 13 and 14
All this work but no one is on my team

Day 15 day 16
I got nothing back. what am I really fixing

Day 17
Day 18
I realized fate is mean

19 20
21 22
After some time I reached back out to you

Day 23
day 24
In my face you shut the door

Day 25
Day 26
I know what can fix this









Day one

These years were fun
And I must admit
I'm rather fond of the times we had
And it makes me a little sad
To say goodbye
But You dug us into this hole
That will be your grave
I must leave this life behind
But rest assured these stories will be told
And every occasion remembered
Even as I turn old
So i write on this tomb stone
As i head of into the world alone
The old me is dead and gone

lying in this bed
unable to sleep
thinking of my pain
unable to weep
the mess in my life
unable to sweep
i'm on a falling ledge
unable to leap
everything dear to me
unable to keep
all the benifits of life
unable to reap
my wounds wont heal
way too deep
just leave me alone
and let me sleep (forever)

I'm enraged by the mistakes I made
Like trying to kiss you while you were still engaged
That cost me everything that I could of had
Cause after that you were so mad
now theres no going back
I see you with someone new
And there's nothing I can do
except watch you from a distance
Always reminded of that instance
That changed our fate
Oh the irony that your name is destiny
Cause i feel like life is testin me
I want to fight for you
But It just wasnt meant to be
I'm detained in my brain
By all the things that could be gained
So by this simple fact I am pained
Simply put
You're not preordained

An island of ash
signs of a past life
Melted black rock
Scars of the last breath
When this land gave it's all
Red hot passion spewed from its lips
And swept over everything that made this land
A volcano thought dormant
Tried to love again
Poured it's hearts out
Even as the magma scorched all the good
That once called this land home
now marks this dead earth
With this one last eruption
One last confession
This volcano died
And took everything with it
forever in torment
This volcano is now forever dormant