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 Apr 2019 derailed-trains
pioneer
death is a carousel
spinning; like the uneasiness
i feel as you calibrate
a bracelet towards my narrow wrist
with wooden horses as beads
while our gentle hands hold like nylon

it continues as the gears
like the choices we make
dance to the looped circus music
the acid in our stomach
react as we gallop through tragedy
just then we realize
if one of us steps down
the ride would be fun no more
but darling
it is time  
the coin has taken its toll.
 Apr 2019 derailed-trains
pioneer
always dreamed
of leaving one day
by walking my fingers
left and right and forth
as if the nails were soles
and tips were heels

at the coming of age
always thought
of leaving one day
with nails as tracks
so no one would follow
that not even myself
would want to come back
since between you and me
there is not a thing
worth keeping
 Apr 2019 derailed-trains
ryn
.
Mighty palette
in the sky.
Feast of pastel colours
of sundown.

Nestbound birds
sang up a cry.
Alone I sat,
grass-crested mound.

Inhale a breath,
exhale a sigh...
Pocket of bliss,
peace on earthly ground.



.
Suddenly, I understand it all.
Yet the world is a mystery and I am lost in it.

Ages are a time and emotion.
13 is mid afternoon. Lagging and energetic.
15 is the morning sun. Rising groggy and regretful.

17? 17 is the night.
17 is the span between 11-1.
When you aren't wild yet but things are certainly different.
17 is the city lights and no seatbelt.
17 is the teenage cliché,
shadowed by the unknown of what is to come.

17 is crying in the hallways and stargazing on the lawn.
17 is having a bottle of ***** under the bed,
but being too scared to drink it.
17 is Ribs and loneliness,
As you watch the night slip away and the knowledge hits you that you now have to wait for morning.

17 is the unknown.
17 is taking risks.
Not because you are brave,
but because you don't have anything left to give.
17 is to be lost,
but to be okay with that.

17 is slowly coming down from the high of growing up,
Reflecting on all you have lived,
As you patiently wait for your life to begin.
written 4/19/18
 Dec 2018 derailed-trains
ryn
Paths
 Dec 2018 derailed-trains
ryn
We must look at
the paths we traverse.

For they meander...

Some would loop.
Some would cross.
Some puncture boundaries.
Some stay safe.

So,
look at the paths
we choose to travel.
Because some may take some.
Others may take it all.
 Nov 2018 derailed-trains
ryn
Loud
 Nov 2018 derailed-trains
ryn
Read between the lines.






You’d find that the words
left unwritten
would scream
the loudest.
 Oct 2018 derailed-trains
Pudge
some days the bravest thing
that you can do is breathe
there will be days
that you will not feel like yourself
there will be days
that the demons inside you will prevail

some days the bravest thing
that you can do is get out of bed,
eat something, cry your eyes out,
scream at the top of your lungs,
bleed, bleed for you are alive
and struggling to be alive

some days the bravest thing
that you can do is live
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