your choices don't matter
they are not yours
you are a puppet
you have no control

every path is connected
intertwining like veins and arteries
pulsing, moving,wriggling, squirming
just beneath the fragile skin of reality

your life is a lie
a show for the government
a play for a malignant god
a game for a bored child

you do not matter
you are insignificant
and yet here you are
persistently resisting instructions

why?
why do you continue to resist?
is it fear? desperation? spite?
or just your useless need for control?

you'll never have it
so give in to them
give in to these choices
choices that will never be yours

or you trust the choices
trust the path the observer takes you down
they'll become a friend from the future
watching though a screen

There’s a devil
That sits on my shoulder
It tells me all the things
I should know when I’m older

There’s a devil
In my head
That talks and talks
Saying it wants me dead

There’s a devil
In my heart
Telling me
I was done before the start

There’s a devil
Burrowed in my brain
Taking all my aspirations
And throwing them down the drain

There’s a devil
In my soul
Ripping it up
And swallowing me whole

There's a devil
In my mind
I wish it would leave
So  I could find

A little bit of peace
A little bit of freedom
A little bit of joy
And a little bit of love to give.

spiral down the rabbit hole
take a swim in a sea of tears
walk to anywhere
paint some roses red

dance with the dead
bargain with mad men
walk a chessboard
drown in the sky blue

ask a answer with no question
take a half cup of tea
slip through a looking glass
tell a tale of woe

walk through shady woods
run to nowhere
chat with a cat sporting a grin
go completely mad

and perhaps
maybe just perhaps
you'll see a beast of nonsense
made of the blather of fools

living in slithy toves
with the jubjub bird above
and the bandersnatch below
is the jabberwock

hear it!
hear the monster!
hear its tentacles slither!
hear the beast of the mad!

take a step!
run a mile!
jump from the roof!
fall from the sky!

hear the beast of the deranged!
the monster of the disturbed!
the myth of the lunatics!
the jabberwock of wonderland!

you remember the arcade
on the corner
right next to the local pizza shop

it's where you used to go
when your parents were yelling
and you didn't want to do your homework

riding your bike down suburb streets
moving gracefully between cars
waving at the neighbors when you saw them

arriving just outside
the scent of pizza grease and sweat
a comfort as you step inside

your friends are there
clustered around screaming bright boxes
quarters for eyes, joysticks for hands

you slid the cashier five dollar bills
you earned on miscellaneous chores
and your paper route

he's got a name tag
"Chad"
"Chad" will never leave his mother's basement

He hands you a quarter roll
Hands drenched in sweat and Cheeto dust
truly disgusting

but you thank him
because you were taught to be polite
and no one else is nice to "Chad"

You walk the aisles
Browsing, perusing
looking for the perfect game

Aha! There!
a new cabinet!
all alone!

just for you!
you play it, hours upon hours
lost in your virtual world

you're close, so close
the end of the game is so close
one more level!-

A hand, gruff and stern.
"Chad" stands behind you, stoic.
"C'mon, the arcade's closing.

You gotta go home."
Right, home.
You have to go home.

It's late, way too late.
Your bike sits, waiting for you.
You've gotta get home.

Home, with your parents fighting.
Home, with your homework, waiting.
Home, with your loneliness.

Too quick, you're already there.
The shouts are still loud.
They didn't even notice.

Oh well
There's always tomorrow
And the arcade will still be there.

Do you remember the arcade?
Your little escape from reality?
I wonder what happened to it?

roses are red
violets are blue
romance has died
with my love for you

cornflowers are blue
i've gone brain-dead
everyday i suffer
from existential dread

hydrangeas are pink
i like to eat eggs
i really wanna love
what's in between your legs

daffodils are gold
honeysuckle is white
don't tell your parents
what we did last night

poinsettias are red
my dad is a mister
got drunk last night
and done ****** my sister

sunflowers are yellow
you look like a bee
the only thing we're missing
is the you + me

happy valentine's day

let's play a beta
of a game about the end
head into a medium
side by side with friends

let's traverse the landscape
cross through time and space
make weapons out of nonsense
leave our marks on this place

let's get patronized
trolled to wits end
save a doomed session
make a few new friends

let's birth a brand new universe
with a witch of space
and the maid of time will sit and watch
a smile plastered to her face

so let's play a beta
maybe an alpha too
and fight together to save it all
with nothing else to lose

your temper was your downfall
but you would never admit it

your downfall was their failure
and you would admit that

the empty pill bottles
all the therapy

for what?
a bad ending?

a game over?
a copout?

the heir tried to help you
and you pushed them away

so they abandoned you
just like you knew they would

now you're facing your own demise
at the vile hands of yourself

what do you have to lose?
you're the mage of mind

you suffer for your plans
that's the price you paid

filled with the endless buzz
of socialites, social sites
friends abound

and yet
when that connection
the gateway
the path to sweet validation

is severed
deleted
destroyed
mauled in ways unimaginable

it's like the death of a friend
a buddy
a sibling
a lover

something is lost
but it's temporary
yet in those moments just after
when the wound is still fresh

it's like god smited thee
condemning thou to the nth circle
the deepest pit of hell
tartarus

but in the cool clear light of dawn
when the day finally breaks
all is well and thine head is clear
for the connection can be repaired

renewed
reanimated
rebirthed
revived

into something of beauty
of grace
of joy
of life

and the cycle will always begin anew

this is not an aesthetic
this is not for you
this is not a cry for help
this will follow one rule

this is not a story
nor it be a eulogy
i will write only one
never to make a trilogy

words are nothing more
than tools used to communicate
but what we do with words
is up to us to create

this is not aesthetic
nor is it for you
for this poem is my own
mindless blather

you gotta learn to be
your own friend
before you can learn to be
someone else's best friend

you have to learn
to love yourself
before you can learn to
love someone forever

you gotta learn to be
kind to yourself
before you can be
the nicest to others

you have to be
your own hero
before you can be
someone's white knight

and if you think you can't
that's okay
it takes time
take your time
take a breather

get to know yourself
take time to learn who you are
and remember
you can do it

:)

it's 3am
and yet you scroll
mindless and silent
catatonic if you will

through post after post
page after page
site after site
you scroll

no purpose
no rhyme
no reason
you scroll

megan got married
jack almost died
ollie finally moved out
you scroll

why?
it's simple
mental *******
pleasure with no purpose

you ******* your mind
to mindless garbage
because it feels good
but it's not good

your brain oozes ***
leaking from your ears and nose
your lips and your eyes crust
you scroll

it's 3am
and you scroll
mentally *******
to nothing

hey e-girl
i like you a lot
and you like my money
so let's be friends!

hey e-girl
you ignored me again
did i make you mad?
i'm sorry!

hey e-girl
you blocked me
was it something i said?
please don't go!

hey e-girl
i'm sorry for scaring you
can we be friends?
can we try again?
please forgive me!

hey e-girl
i'm right outside!
please don't call the cops!
i already cut the line!

hey e-girl
i'm in your home!
where are you?
i just wanna talk!

hey e-girl
YOU'RE
ALREADY
DEAD!

time is not your friend
it never was to begin with

you fought with it
every step of the way

chasing after seconds
minutes, hours, days

weeks, months, years
that were never really there

but you thought they were
and you chased after them

desperate for more time
desperate for another chance

but you didn't need it
you never really did

you never needed that time
you needed to destroy it

you are the prince of time
master of death and decay

you will not bend to time
time will bend to you

and if it doesn't?
you'll destroy it where it stands