I've memorized your face a thousand times

and yet it's still not enough for me

I can’t stop crying this morning. You tell me you miss me but you change the subject too soon. I want you to force me to tell you how I feel about all of this and to linger on it until I’m purged of all this confusion. I want to lay down with you on this rainy morning and fall asleep next to you. I want you. Here. Right now. Because I know time can heal but I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want you to just remember me when our song plays or you see a picture of me. I want to be fossilized in your memory like the ceiling you wake up to every morning and fall asleep to every night. I want to be permanent.

Thank you for being there

when I fell

or when I swore I was done

when I cursed my own name

when I told you to leave me alone

when I wanted to leave home

when I formed scars on my wrist

when I made the wrong decision

But

thank you for being there

when I picked myself back up

when I said maybe I'll go on

when I praised the new day

when I begged you to stay

when I let the lines of hurt heal

even when I had said it's no big deal

thank you

for not letting me be

Funny how things change

that's all.

Maybe you'll realize
when your home crying so hard you can't breath

when your in bed staring at the ceiling not able to speak

when your higher than the eiffle tower and that's still not enough

when you miss a week of school and no one cares

when you don't get invited anywhere

when no one understands you but me

when your too drunk to even form a sentence

when he leaves you again without words to make yourself carry on

when your stuck between missing him and hating him

when you're left with no one to run to

Maybe then you'll realize

you would've had me

And here we are
seconds pass without bringing a new thought

Dwelling on the past
as if it became part of us
part of our being

We're only getting older
each day bringing new life
and new strife

We're only getting wiser
learning from the boy who broke us
growing from the friends who make us