I am not one of them nor will I ever be.
That is the truth.
I am a loser; worthless
Are things I am not.
Popular and hot
Are words that spell me.
Weak and ugly
I scorn them.
Beautiful people
Like me are uncommon.
Ugly losers
I am beautiful.
I hate lies like
I'm a *******.
They tell me
I am not one of them nor will I ever be.

The soul speaks only in whispers now
As it passes through the veil
Stay beyond the reach of death somehow
On your journey to prevail

To the cradle of Morpheus
The keeper of your dreams
Much like the journey of Orpheus
You traverse Hades streams

The soul creeps slowly through the gates
As it enters the world below
Stay beyond the eye of the all seeing fates
If back home you hope to go

To the cradle of Morpheus
The keeper of lost things
Much like the journey of Orpheus
Who played upon his strings

The soul silently to the cradle does sneak
As it peers at the sleeper within
Beyond the reach of the living world is what you seek
Climb in the cradle of Sleep and his twin

In the cradle of Morpheus
The keeper and his twin
Much like the story of Orpheus
You may not win

The soul climbs in and is filled with fear
As it hears that silent breath
Beyond the veil these twins draw near
In the cradle you will find Sleep and his brother Death

In the cradle of Morpheus
The keeper of lost life
Much like the story Orpheus
The man who lost his wife

I feel so helpless and weak
Taking words that they speak
I just smile saying I don't care
While I wish they weren't there
So I could let my guard down
Letting my confidence drown
It's not as bad as it seems
I've just lost my self-esteem
I wear a smile to hide it
I honestly feel like ****
I want to be strong like you
I want my smiles to be true

We live in a world where society decides what's real
A world where you are told who you are and what you feel
If you're anorexic or you cut you're an attention *****
And they try to beat you down until you can't take anymore
Or if you get pregnant and are still a little young
They say she's probably a **** and drug addict and high strung
Not realizing that it's really not even their place
Even if it was at least have the guts to say it to someone's face
Instead of judging their live evaluate yours
Stop whispering he say and she says behind closed doors
So what if they're anorexic they're in pain
And if they cut it doesn't mean you can call them insane
Because it's not even your place to say
Shut the hell up stop acting arrogant and move out my way
You are not them you are you
You don't have a ******* clue about what they've been through

I tried to talk to you to ask you why
To find why you told me goodbye
Why am I so stupid and useless
Why can't I be more selfless

Will I ever know why we died
Will you ever tell me you tried
Or that is was me that I failed
Just tell me this ship has sailed

Did you mean it do you hate me
Or is there something I don't see
Am I really that imperfect to you
I would try and fix it if only I knew

So I could stop crying in my room
Praying roses don't start to bloom
Fed by tears rolling down my cheeks
Did you hate because I was weak?

I want to get drunk tonight
To drift away on the stars
I want to feel the dizziness
And watch the blur of cars
But I'm still sober and awake
Not watching stars blaze
Not feeling the giddy buzz
and still seeing your face
****.
Why can't one drink do it for me

You left me with hate inside me
A hate I never could seem to see
The hate which you passed on
When you wished I was gone
You made me shatter the glass
A red ribbon and dark road pass
Two years and still I won't bleed
And still I feel it's what I need
A few faded scars and one strong
Oh that a cat scratch nothing's wrong
I smile but they don't believe the mask
Fade away memories that's all I ask

Fairy in the sky grant me one wish
Purge me like a sinners soul
My one last wish is this

Castle in the sky of you I dream
Reach for you to make me whole
With wings made of moon beams

Lost in a field of roses I stand
Bound in black bitter rose vines
Reaching with sanguine hands

No more magic left within me
I can never make you mine
To blind for me to see

Lost in the labyrinth of Hekate
At a triple crossroads dance with me
As the New moon watches from up high
And her black birds cackle in the sky

As we dance a circle among the trees
Lost in the Labyrinth of Hekate
At the crossroads will you work your rite
As her black hounds circle tonight

By starlight will you call the Queen
Are you afraid to dance with those unseen
Lost in the labyrinth of Hekate
Owl Serpent and Horse are she

Will you slip into her ancient trance
As the Crone Witch joins in our dance
As is our will so mote it be
Lost in the Labyrinth of Hekate

Lust, Wrath, Envy, Passion
Aren't just a passing fashion
Don't try to fight your sins
Embrace the beast within

Open Pandora's box
Discover what it unlocks
Why are you afraid


Greed, Pride, Gluttony, Consuming
Break the guise you're assuming
Don't get caught on their hook
Don't be a slave to a book

Open Pandora's box
Discover what it unlocks
Come on break the chains

Sloth, ***, ******, Magik
What's life without a little havoc
Don't let them decide who you are
Sin is fun if you don't go to far

Open Pandora's box
Discover what it unlocks
Take control of your fate

Elohim have you forgotten the prayers of your people
Avinu what happened to those praying under your steeple
El Shaddai did you leave them to hang from the rope
Adonai did you care that the bullets their only hope
If you're almighty give them the strength to stand
If you're all knowing see their pain and lend a hand
Is saving a life stealing free will in the eyes of the lord
Can you not speak as you did to Moses and lend kind words

I'm a perfect cocktail of disgrace
A destiny of betrayal is in my face
And in my blood it's like a tapestry
A bloodline binding my family tree
I carve the mark of Cain in my skin
In a vain attempt to drain away sin
Praying I don't break and tear a vein
Though maybe I would break the chain
Freeing generations of broken souls
Spilling my blood may pay our toll
Or will my disease simply transcend
Spread like a virus to family and friends

A symbol of innocence wasted
On you when I should've waited
But in the moment I didn't care
I just felt comfortable there
No voices saying I fat or ugly
Just hands that would feel me
A mouth that brought me release
A body I could only try to please
By submission I could be enough
Even for a moment I had his love
Or some semblance of affection
To spare me my mental afflictions
The irony of this illusion I trust
Is the clear reality of our lust

Wouldn't it be sublime if we could fly
If the world were mine we'd soar 'til we die
Like fairies we'd fly swift as the shadows
Going anywhere that the wind does blow
The fragrance of the fields below give way
Among flowers we the lost ones do lay
Through the forest we the dreamers bring light
Then like phantoms we run into the night
Our scars are no longer there when we dream
We are happy when we dance in Alfheim

There are rumors of a ghoul
Who stalks abandoned places
They say he is never full
And he wears many faces

He can hide in a memory
While you visit a loved ones grave
He can hide in the obituary
Of someone you couldn't save

He can feast on the living
While he is fed by the dead
He can constrict your breathing
If he can get into your head

He can eat away dreams
And leave behind despair
He'll split lips at the seams
To hide that he's there

His games are the worst of all
He'll pretend to be gone
Then laugh as you fall
Then he'll keep feasting on

Long ago he told me blood was the currency of souls
In those illuminated moments I was whole
As if under baptism I was bathed in flames
And over my soul a transfiguration came
As our blood on paper rose with the smoke
A bond of blood once a contract now a joke
As he keeps walking with a holy grace
I wallow in my self pity wholly a disgrace
As I realize after so many years they were only gestures
Every touch every kiss every word said by the Jester

Do I really look like that man
I want to be a better image
But I am unsure that I can
Can I defy my lineage
Fathers leaving sons alone
Saying I love you son
Am I him in a lighter tone
Can I ever love anyone
Does my blood bind my chain
Does my reflection make me
Is his flesh my mark of Cain
His reflections all I see

Aphrodite have I done you so wrong

That you enamore me in loves somber song

Yet leave his holy heart unignited

Cursing me with burning affection unrequited

Why allow me to be denied Anteros

And Eros strike me so cruelly with arrows

That I must make Philia to be enough

When what I desire fervently is his fleeting love

I see now goddess that I you must truly despise

For you sent forth Phobos and Deimos to terrorize

Until I found my heart to be ragged and maimed

Still for their sake I find myself acting as if it's the same

Automatons grind and roar
Miasma's drive us to the floor
Enslaved by the kings guilty crown
Ritual sacrifice to keep us down
Insidious engines spewing smoke
Clawing at our burning throats
As the people lose their hold

Television leaves us dumb and idle
Hail the mechanical gods and idols
Everybody bow to the iron cold

Give up freedom and you'll be fed
Refuse and they'll paint you red
Eat up their poison and their lies
Accept their disguise and evil eyes
Take in the eagle your soul is sold

I don't know the world just seems to be spinning to fast
Losing touch as time lose sense of future present or past
A child stood before a mirror filled with aspiration
A highschooler laid in bed his head filled by frustration
As he watches years of studying steadily fall apart
Trying to piece it together with nowhere to stary
An adult now looking back through the passage of time
struggling to find the answer to "Were those dreams mine?"

You call it righteous and holy to judge another's love
Then you try to justify it as the word of God above
And as you ridicule your peers they cheer you on
Leaving him or her wishing they were dead and gone
Yet still you continue screaming out queer and ***
And it wears down on us until our shoulders sag
But still it is thrown in waves that persist
Until one of us tie a noose and slit our wrist
Then you ridicule us still calling us week
When safety from your words is all we seek

I just watched the years pass by
God it's amazing how time flies
We're not staying up all night long
Well I guess that's wrong
I should've have said together
I remember when that meant forever
Promises bound in blood and kisses
Am I really the only one who misses
Them,You,Me,Us?


I

I listen to my radio and hear your voice in the songs
And I lay in my bed wondering what went wrong
On that summer so long ago
It all seemed to go so slow
I remember you touching me tasting so tantalizing
Lips pressed on my neck were we just fantasizing
Soon summer passed by
We wouldn't even meet eyes
And I remember you hating me hurting so humiliating
Words cut into my skin were we just a summer fling

We build these walls up around us
Reset as we fall into the dust
In this game we keep running away

Run from the monster behind you
Wrong turn and it finally finds you
There is no more running on this way

In this labyrinth of these lost hearts
Thin as fabric we lose our parts
Reaching for a castle in the sky

Dreaming of cerulean skies
Wishing like a fairy I could fly
Reaching for that castle 'til I die

Today I slept through the rain
And in my dreams lost the pain
I said the words I needed to
And I got to hold and kiss you
But alas when I awoke it was gone
from the lake of sorrow was drawn
Waters filled with potent venom
To make true smiles evermore seldom
Tonight I'll lie awake with our sketchbook
And I'll draw back the repose you took

I want you to know that I do care
No matter who you are I am there
Maybe it's my own selfish needs
To want to not let you bleed
But please whoever you may be
Smile just a little while for me
I know it's cruel for me to ask you
For this is something you're scared to do
Because it's only for a short while
None the less will you smile
Even if it causes pain and woe
It's not as perfect as a scar I know
Please just fill my selfish request
Don't take your last breath
Someone does care they do
No I may not know you
But I care if you live or die
Even if it's selfish it's not a lie

Help me 'cause I can't move on without your okay
Your body soul and heart is mine isn't that what you'd say
I remember when I wasn't met with uncaring eyes
When I never had a reason to break and cry
Maybe I still don't maybe I'm just unstable
But I've tried to get over it I'm just unable
Is it attention seeking if I keep it inside
If all I do is lock it up and make it hide
All I need to know is why do you hate me
Was it something you hid to no can't be
Maybe just maybe I'll know for sure
Maybe I should knock on his door

God said partake only of the tree of life
For the other brings only death and strife
But how can knowledge be called as sin
I say bring death and strife let them in
For death is a worthy price for free will
I rather starve and know it then eat my fill
I refuse to follow blindly in your Lord
I would rather fall upon a rusted sword
How can one see the light in such a way
How does one like you look forward to day
Believing your soul is not in your hands
And as swiftly as you were made you are sand

My dreams have been deferred one too many times
I'm beginning to wonder if those dreams were mine
Dried up like a raisin in the sun
A festering wound starting to run

My dreams have been deffered
By the nightmares I preffered
Over the reality
Of human suffering

My dreams have been deferred one too many times
I'm beginning to wonder if those dreams were mine
They stink like rotting meat
Rot and sugar over bittersweet

My dreams have been deffered
By the nightmares I preffered
Over the hypocracies
Of human niceties

My dreams have been deferred one too many times
I'm beginning to wonder if those dreams were mine
They're a sagging heavy load
That I fear may explode

My dreams have been deffered
By the nightmares I preffered
Over the insanity
Of human society

My dreams have been deferred one too many times
I'm beginning to wonder if those dreams were mine

I was once told God loves everyone
So why do I see so many wanting to die
Why doesn't God here them as they cry
When all they really need is someone

I don't want to see them fight themselves
Nor do I want to see their world crash down
I don't want to watch a friend start to drown
Because they feel like a doll left on the shelf

I don't want to put faith in Gods hands
When he might come a little to late
Because they were left with only hate
And were so hungry they couldn't stand

I don't want to watch someone die
Because they think they're fat
Why won't God fix that
No point asking why

Castles and kings collapse
Leaving them to sift through
The wreckage of the apocalypse

Armies are cut to the ground
Painting with sanguine swords
A silent world where there is no sound

The red sun begins to set
As doors close on this world
Leaving the corpses God forgets

The peace that I hope to find
I find within my own mind
But as soon as I start to dream
The dreams I dream are filled with scream
I struggle to hear my thoughts
These peaceful thoughts I had sought
Filled with silence cloaked in peace
The tranquility just beyond twisted trees
The place beyond the shadow men
A quite meadow or peaceful glen
Vibrations I to ride until I ascend
Upward away from spectres  I descended

Feet scorched by the raging flame
The pain tells her she's to blame
To her day and night are the same
When shadows call her name
But she'll keeps dancing on hot coals
Until the hellfire swallows her whole
When the darkness consumes her soul
She'll gain back the repose they stole
Dancing across her skin the fire sings
Of magic and otherworldly things
And she welcomes what it brings
Dancing with the fires sweet sting
The fire raises to the dark sky
With it she and her dreams fly
Then she utters in a joyful sigh
Goodbye

I eat unendingly some days
Gorging myself on sweets
Swallowing down meats
Yet the hole never goes away

I stand before a looking glass
Revolted by my bulging flesh

I forget to eat some days
Ignoring the pangs of hunger
Until I can take it no longer
Yet the hole decides to stay

I stand before a looking glass
Hoping to love my ugly flesh

I eat unendingly some days
Sickened by my pig like body
Disgusted by my ******* gluttony
Yet the hole eats away

Prepare yourselves for the most spectacular feast
We have assembled only the most remarcable meats
First on tonights menu we proudly present misogyny
Now I know what you're thinking misogyny is so 1920
I know it may not look like much but it has a prevelant flavour
Next up we will be eagerly serving poverty
I know you don't like spilling your wallets for paucity
But a helping of this meal is a good impression to savour
Our third delectable course of the evening is racism
Now I know how you all prefer dressed pigs
Regardless this dish has a lovely taste remenisent of slavery
Our final irresistible dish of the night is war
This meal is very complex a mix of racism and patriotism
It's a dish no biastophiliac could possibly pass up
With that we conclude our all American Repulsive Eaters Feast

I feel like dying wouldn't suffice
As every puff robs her of her life
It's not a knife but it's still suicide
Each puff like taking in cyanide
But she keeps inhaling the smoke
As her children watch her choke
Knowing if she dies they'll be alone
Seeing her depression has grown
She hides behind a drawn on smile
She is walking a thousand miles
Trying to get to were she needs
With each step she starts to bleed
Still going as gray hands hold her
And the poison stick still smolders

There's a stone in my throat
And I fear I may choke
In this hell that you built
I am burdened by guilt

There's a beat in my heart
And I feel it may start
In this hell I've been placed
That I don't wish to face

There's a note in my hand
And you may understand
Why I don't belong here
And chose to disappear

There's a blade at my wrists
And I fear it persists
To beckon my soul home
But I would be alone

There's a voice at my door
And I sob on the floor
As the blade falls away
She whispers it's okay

There's a hero weeping
And she's the one keeping
Me reaching for heaven
As we fight depression

We call her under full moons light
The blessed beast of the night
We dance around the blazing flame
Call the blessed goddesses name
She comes cloaked in white wolfskin
The Lunar goddess of our Coven
We are drawn into her mystic trance
She joins us in our wild dance
Through the night we twist and turn
Our souls reach for the life we yearn

There is a darkness living inside me
I thinks he's been there since I was three
He laid dormant when I was five
When I was thirteen he came alive
At first he was weak barely a noise
But soon he became an ever present voice
He started to show me I was alone
He told me this world is not my own
I was separated from the other empty shells
I was locked in my mind a personal hell
The demon began clawing at my flesh
He became a force I could hardly supress
He crashed around inside my head for days
He became a force from which I couldn't run away
When I was sixteen I began to find some reprieve
But now that I'm eighteen I see he'll never leave

The cradle rocks from side to side
Sleep and Death lay together inside
Singing their favourite lullaby

When your heart is heavy
When your mind is full
When your body is weary
Your spirit we will pull

The cradle rocks from side to side
Sleep calls dreamers to lay beside
Singing his favourite lullaby

When your heart is unspoken
When you mind runs astray
When your body is broken
Your spirit I'll call away

The cradle rock from side to side
Death calls the lost souls inside
Singing his favourite lullaby

When your heart is cold
When you mind fades away
When your body is old
Your spirit I'll call away

The cradle rocks from side to side
As I walk among those it calls inside
Singing my favourite lullaby

My heart is heavy and unspoken
My mind is full and runs away
My body is weary and broken
My spirit please pull and call away
My heart is not yet cold
My mind is not yet faded away
My body is not old
Yet my spirit longs for the day

Where do I belong?
For my kind the lines blur
I say I'm black I'm wrong?

Then how can I be right?
For my kind it's so unsure
To the others I'm not white

All this I could easily bare
If not for the hate and slurs
I know I don't fit anywhere