I meant to tell you...
if love is just a word then your thought is just an idea
you cant exist in my mind... that's just crazy
your voice wont haunt me.... that's just fear
every brown haired beauty looks like you from a distance
yet they don't fool my heart.... its just an *****
but it wont play at the wedding I wish came true
so this is what became of me... I hope your happy
not with sarcasm but full truth
Sorry I was a liar
If you could see me now id be ashamed
you made me so strong and I only broke
They say your happy and a mom.......
sweetie my love I wasn't worthy
As long as your happy nothing can hurt me....
Like a lifetime of kisses I cashed in for one foolish night...
I can honestly admit you were only always right
Jesters laugh at my follies now
Tears of a clown now makes more sense
Like the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence...
If I never stood in front of you disbelieving your beauty
how I never told you how your touch shot right through me
your smile could stop any feeling of pain
a voice so perfect could always drive me insane??
I meant to....

Lies only exist
in the spaces
between
yes and no

I don't know bottles comfortable stagger  its rewinds forgotten pain....
pollution of my veins now seems futile tense heartache chisels truth...
nicotine and ashes cloud the space I only visit on occasion....
headstones see my lies better than catholic crosses....
like a pornographic life I see it all uncensored and coldly explicit...
mental illness becomes far to clear thru self medicated tolerance...
a slam poetry intervention shines a spotlight on my failures...
I don't like the lifestyle or to be nested in hipster categories...
insane logic or a genious with dyslexia can be pointed at me blindly...
it really dosent matter if pain receptors became weak it was only a defense....
but in a science of space and matter... just give me some space and I promise you wont matter.....

I cant recall the nights I used to stare at stars thinking you would answer
Protesting my state and berating the loss
Children have been less needy than myself.. Handouts of sympathy no longer require my attendance....
Happy birthday only means I have the regret I created loss meant I couldn't be found
Blame is no longer sought... I burned all the memories but theres a few I forgot....
Nitetime hugs seemed so foolish as you always gave me a goodnite kiss...
Id trade everything I have for one more embrace.... Take back everything ive done for one more glimpse of your face...
Oh memories I guess tonight I know that candles on a cake are the one thing I wont blow out.....
with forgotten pain and new brought sorrow..... my birthday wish is simple " I cant wait till tomorrow".....

Like people are rewarded in public for what the practiced by themselves for years...
Walk into life with the acceptance that it is not going to be given to you...
Quit making ******* excuses.... these are only you showcasing your faults....
GREATNESS is not earned like a paycheck.... merely allowed to escape from the fear that held it back.....
If failure makes you quit then to succeed at your craft never truly lived within....
Death is a part of life and to live never meant a lifetime a minute can be spent LIVING....
HOLD NO ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FAILURES BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER GIVE CREDIT TO ANYONE FOR YOUR SUCCESS.....
When standing on the path of greatness haters will only throw storms of "you cant" and "you wont" in your face.....
Brace yourself stand where you are...... You don't have to move forward but DONT move back.....
PAIN can and will be the greatest asset to your vision don't let it anchor you to mediocrity....
WHEN you finally die leave no room for regret I can only hope as I go only happy memories of independent growth flash before my eyes...
PASS it on there is never a cap for greatness it can live forever DO NOT let it die with you....
SUCCESS CANNOT BE MEASURED BY ANYONE BUT YOU IF YOU ARE TRYING TO SUCCEED FOR OTHERS YOU WILL FAIL....

Anger now consumes my happy carefree misfit.....
To fit in I now became the serious carbon copy socialite....
They are the pinnacle of success every platinum promise I believed....
Valet my motivation to the parking lot of lies....
I'd rather get high and count change in a cup holder.....
Because when I changed it made me forget the things that count....
I sleep rarely because the drugs are now free...
Struggling for the dollar now became my motivations fermentation....
I hope like a fine whiskey it only gets better with age.....
And one day I can get back in a beat up car head to the back road. ....
Crank our favorite songs and mix it with cheap beer......
This is not a place poverty perceived.....
But I guess now it is a place I can't leave.....
Wars inside ask me who I really am a foot in the door or menace to society?
A foolish happy drunk or a serious miserable member of sobriety?
Maybe a balance isn't a bank statement or a lifestyle choice....
Being as loud as others only takes away your voice......
I guess watch the quiet ones with little effect on the other cattle....
This life is a party to enjoy not a painful battle.....

List on the mind of a battered soul.... realization cannot confirm delayed emotion...
Trickled memories bleed from an interior flood of bottled emotions....
Grasping tightly to reality only means someone should hold my hand....
As I grip tightly to a blanket covering what I hate more than anything.....
But bedtime means you are finally truly alone and demons dance in the dark....
Not like I mind they remind me I was once happy....
So I close my eyes and scream into there party....
Does my memorable madness echo through the hallway I built full of locked doors?
Is this all a dream and did I go to somewhere dark.....
But every time I open my eyes the demons are still dancing in the dark....
So with great exhaustion I accept that there not there to take me anywhere....
With all this pain inside they already have me where they want me....
And the shuffles now waltz me to my personal hell....
Like ballerinas dance in music boxes... my demons dance in the dark.....